Brother has found parents’ wills

[ChorltonCreamery]

My mother tripped over a few days ago. Initially all seemed fine. Friend brought her home but the next day she went to a walk in. It was felt that she might need a procedure on her wrist.

What I only found out yesterday was that Dad rang one of my brothers to go through his desk to find this policy they have, a medical insurance that kicks in if NHS waiting list is too long. In the process of doing this he found their wills and read them.

Yesterday Brother asked if I could go round to his but I couldn’t as we are away. This afternoon sister texts me to call her back, it turns our parents have divided their estate into four. Three quarters between brother, sister and me with a quarter going to other brother’s child(ren) with us three acting as trustees.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Brother wants me and sister to meet for a chat about everything.

He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance.

I don’t know what to think, or what I am meant to think. Sisters annoyed with brother for even telling us.

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It’s got nothing to do with needing the money. It’s a disgraceful way to behave.

I think you are going to pull something like this you need to have the conversation while you’re still alive. Waiting for this gut punch to land when your kids have just lot their parent/parents is very cruel.

No it’s the fact that I couldn’t trust my child, to have the decency to respect my privacy. It’s shows a total lack of respect, it’s not one document, it’s not a “little” thing, he did it knowing it was a personal document. I cannot believe that you are another person trying to justify such awful behaviour.

It’s ok my children wouldn’t do it, but clearly some are brought up without common decency or respect for their parents. The fact you think it’s ok, is very telling,

I dont see what is wrong with this arrangment.

I say this as someone who has been there and seen family was destroyed by the contents of a will (not a life changing amount of money, but the painful message it sent). Over 10 years later brothers have still not spoken to one another, another turned to drink for a long time after and needed a lot of help to get out of it, nearly losing his home and wife in the process. There is still a lot of hurt and the person, they thought they were so close to, who wrote the will is NEVER spoken about.

Regardless of the contents of the will it is totally out of order for your brother to read it (no excuses, he is an adult and knew exactly what it was from reading the first line), it is totally out of order for him to then share that private information with other family members, and totally out of order for you all to now start discussing it, and subsequently also out of order keeping your other brother out the loop.

He will find out one day. The truth always comes out especially when so many people already know.

It is nothing to do with any of you until your parents are dead. If your parents want to leave as their legacy a shit show that is their prerogative. Deal with it then.

No one is coming out of this looking good.

I don't think it's unreasonable of the parents to divide their estate that way, assuming they think Brother 2 can look after himself adequately. I do know other people who have left money in their wills to DGC rather than offspring on those grounds. In my will, I have left DS1's share in trust with DD and DS2 as trustees because DS1 is autistic and very bad with money, and I know full well that if he gets his hands on what will seem like a largish chunk to him, it will disappear within a year or two, and he certainly has no pension built up other than state support so may well rely on any income from that inheritance to help support him. I hate to leave the other two offspring in the position of dealing with this, especially DD as most of the load will fall on her, but most of it will disappear in fees if I leave it any other way, and she has a good husband to help her with it. All the children know about this arrangement so it won't come as any surprise to them.

It could be awkward for you and your siblings children. One grandchild will potentially receive a large share whilst your own children will get whatever you leave them from this pot eventually. Not to mention the hassle later down the line between the half siblings in this scenario.

That said your parents can choose what they want to with their money obviously. They may not have thought it through and the unintended consequences.

If I were the parents and felt I had acted in the best interests of my grandchildren and my other children started moaning at me I'd bypass everyone and leave all my money to all my grandchildren.

Re:Brother finding Will. A simple solution is to A)Forget about it until the correct time comes to read it.B)Arrange amongst your brothers and sisters that after any inheritances have been received that you recalculate what each would have if evenly distributed to all and gift the relevant amount to the brother that was missed out.

yes go along to the siblings meeting. Jointly decide a plan of action now the info has been released. But it should have been private and only known after death. But you are where you are. It is a decision which probably would have caused issues down the line anyway as follows:

• one of your parents dies and will detail revealed meaning the remaining parent has some explaining and a difficult awkward situation in family potentially causing fall outs
• will becomes known after both parents death leaving awkward family situation and potential fall outs but no parents alive to ask the questions about why this was done

So either way you were all in for a very difficult and awkward time anyway due to the will decision. I guess there is now an opportunity to have those difficult conversations with your parents now whilst they are alive so they can explain themselves hopefully. Yes its their money and their decision but some explainations may be helpful to understand why they have decided this and what the concerns are. However are you all now going to keep the secret from the other brother who wont get anything (although his kids will). Your parents are effectively taking his inheritance decisions out of his hands and forcing that their money goes only to their grandkids. But that they have done it with one and not all does rather making your other brother stand out like a sore thumb and it will cause issues. Best to try and understand and smooth over now.

One point that often gets overlooked is that in all likelihood your parents will not pass away at the same time. Could be one, and then the other follows within a year. Or one parent dies and the other lives on for several years. Especially with the latter scenario, the financial landscape for your parents could chage drastically. But it sounds like they came up with the best solution they could given the current situation as they know it. Will/would your left-out brother not be happy? Probably, but at least his children were included. Perhaps one of you can clarify with your parents before this goes any further? And have they not clarified where all the important docs are anyway? Like what about Powers of Attorney and Medical Directives?

It’s disgusting that your brother broke your parents trust and read something so private and personal. It’s nobody’s business how your parents choose to divide their assets, they are entitled to do as they please. However, if I was them and I found out that your brother went snooping and shared what he found with some of their other children, I’d disinherit that son too. It’s outrageous.

Exactly what I’ve said!

It’s disgraceful.

Absolutely THIS. 👆 OP wrote in her original post "He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance" as if this is some sort of explanation from her DB as to why he read the Wills, but it's not. It doesn't matter they "were not in a marked file" - it would have been obvious what the documents were as soon as he looked at the first page, but it was his choice to read them, the nosy beggar.
@ChorltonCreamery I haven't voted OP as it's not clear to me what your AIBU question is, but I would certainly tell your DB to forget what he's read, get on with his life and let you and your sister do likewise (your parents may change their Wills at some point in the future and your DB's crass meddling now may prove to have been entirely unnecessary).

Parents money parents choice who they leave it to.

Why are you posting this here? You need to start your own thread.

That’s not the OP’s perception, and even if that was the case it would be irrelevant.

Your brother has crossed boundaries, and excuse me? Why are you not annoyed he’s done this?
Thankfully your parents aren’t dead yet, so getting grubby hands on their estate is hopefully a long way off

Wills should never be secrets
the brother should know , and know their thinking while alive
if they don’t want sil getting any I’m sure there are better ways to go about it that doesn’t potentially have brother feeling disinherited

if it were me I’d confess I’d seen it and discuss better arrangements/ communication so that brother is cool with arrangements before they die

wills cause no end of permanent damage to relationships and you will be the ones picking up the pieces

Where do you get the idea wills should never be secret?

I don’t believe that a rule anywhere says this?

It’s your personal opinion.

It was despicable to read their wills and even worse to go blabbing to others about it. You all need to back the hell off and mind your own damned business.

My parents have done something similar (although not exactly the same) - my childless brother gets half of their house value, my two kids get a quarter each (assuming it doesn't have to be sold for care).

Me and DH get whatever cash is in the bank (which given the number of holidays they go on now they are retired won't be a lot 😂).

It stings a bit as we won't inherit very much from DHs side either, but we are doing OK and at least it's equally split with my children (and as long as if my brother has kids, his half is actually left to them instead).

I also make it clear to them on a regular basis, that I would rather they spend everything they have on enjoying life rather than worrying about leaving anything to anyone!

OPs brother may be perfectly fine with the arrangement - he may even already know.

No, they did not “come up with the best scenario”. Their plan would neither protect family assets from remarriages, nor be fair to their children or grandchildren so will likely create huge problems and resentment in the relationships of subsequent generations of the family, and it would put unnecessary and unfair burdens on some of their children naming them as trustees without being consulted because unlike decent people they haven’t been transparent about their intentions. In short, their plan is stupid, selfish, unfair on their DC and GC, and doesn’t achieve what OP believes to be their aims anyway. As I stated yesterday, they need to be encouraged to have open conversations about this with their children and to go to see an independent chartered tax adviser who can advise them on setting up family trusts if their major concern is to protect family assets from remarriages. They can do this without treating any of their DC or GC unequally or putting ridiculous, unexpected burdens on their DC to be trustees after their deaths without even discussing this with them beforehand. These parents have behaved stupidly, immorally and selfishly and put a will in place that is likely to cause huge unnecessary damage to the family and not even achieve their aim with regards to protecting family assets.

I write Wills for a living, it’s a sensible way of dealing with the issue.
As Trustees all they have to do is follow the parents wishes.
I would have suggested£ that the parents leave a letter to the executors explaining why they have made this decision, to be shown only to the Executors and ant legal representatives of the executors or the courts.