Brother has found parents’ wills

[ChorltonCreamery]

My mother tripped over a few days ago. Initially all seemed fine. Friend brought her home but the next day she went to a walk in. It was felt that she might need a procedure on her wrist.

What I only found out yesterday was that Dad rang one of my brothers to go through his desk to find this policy they have, a medical insurance that kicks in if NHS waiting list is too long. In the process of doing this he found their wills and read them.

Yesterday Brother asked if I could go round to his but I couldn’t as we are away. This afternoon sister texts me to call her back, it turns our parents have divided their estate into four. Three quarters between brother, sister and me with a quarter going to other brother’s child(ren) with us three acting as trustees.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Brother wants me and sister to meet for a chat about everything.

He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance.

I don’t know what to think, or what I am meant to think. Sisters annoyed with brother for even telling us.

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I do get that. Life experience has shown me there are many loving families out there. I myself from an early age after moving away from home and gaining a new education, made the decision I would want to leave my children something one day, I get wanting to take care of your children, but I still think there is a point in life your children should take care of themselves and not expect money from your parents, and if they are lucky enough to inherit then it’s a happy bonus not an entitlement.

I also think I’m jaded because if seeing articles about high profile inheritance cases, I can’t help thinking I’d like to give some of those people a slap, like the Earl who lost his inheritance case recently.

No they can’t.

They can divvy up the 75% that goes to the 3 siblings between the 4, but they cannot include the 25% left to Brother 2’s children. That had to go to them, they are not old enough to sign to say they agree that they share can be diverted to their Dad.

For all you know Brother 2 asked his parents to do this in case his inheritance is swallowed up in divorce etc.

Or if he is wealthy it could increase the IHT on his eventual estate so better to go direct to his kids.

Leave well alone. It sounds as if your parents have been sensible.

I agree, and much the same experience. I am not raising my children to expect anything, but am doing everything possible to leave them as much as I possibly can at the same time. That’s what loving parents do: teach them to stand on their own two feet but at the same time want to provide as much as possible for them, and of course no matter what happens it will never even be a consideration to do anything other than split it between them equally. The only possible valid exception to this I can see would be if one child was very severely disabled and unable to support themselves and others not, but in that case it would be discussed transparently and agreed with the others in advance, not a nasty surprise left for subsequent generations left to deal with after death. All of it is just about basic decency really, isn’t it? Honestly, love, kindness, and fairness, something that it sounds like was lacking from your childhood and mine but makes you even more determined that you’d never behave in such a selfish, narcissistic manner yourself and want your legacy to be one of spite that caused upset or stress or discord between your own children.

I think you perhaps read one individual post of mine out of context without reading the others, in which I was the poster who originally actually recommended to the OP that the parents should investigate putting a family trust in place for the inheritance to each of the four children if they wish to protect their assets. Their current plan doesn’t do that (as the other children or indeed grandchildren may marry people in the future with unrelated children) and it treats the different children/ grandchildren unequally so will create much family upset unnecessarily.

@ChorltonCreameryif you are still reading this - I think I’ve changed my mind about what you should do.

on reflection, once parents are well again and everyone’s back home, brother 1 should sit down with your parents and tell them that he found their wills when looking for the documents he was asked to look for. he should ask them if brother 2 knows that “his” share is going to his child(ren), and if not, they should tell him. Obviously that don’t have to tell him, but that by not telling him, they are leaving him to find out when he and the other 3 of you are grieving, and it’s unfair that any upset and anger caused by this will have to be forced on brother 1 and the two sisters while they are trying to cope with their parents deaths.

he should say that obviously they can leave their money however they like, but if they are doing it in a way that causes upset, is it fair to deliberately put all 4 of your children through that at what will be a really tough time. Best to get that explained now while brother 2 can talk to his parents about what they’ve done and it won’t be such a shock after their deaths.

If I was questioned by my child who had deliberately read my will, having “found” my will. They had no reason to read it at all, it was a gross invasion of privacy,

As I said earlier in this thread, I would change my will

And Great Ormond Street hospital would benefit greatly.

I’d also ask if it was ok for me to go through their personal documents.

@flashahah- they asked him to go through their personal papers to find some medical documents. Now he didn’t need to read the full thing, but they left it out and asked him to go through their personal paperwork. And now he knows, it’s reasonable to point out to them that by not discussing it in advance while their other son can talk to them directly about their choices, they are pushing a problem of their making onto their other 3 children. And that is completely unfair thing to do. I’d take losing my share of inheritance to avoid losing a relationship with my sibling. And all the siblings could easily fall out over this. The parents are being unfair - not the way they’ve written the will, but unfair in writing the will that way and then not discussing it with their children, but leaving them to find out when they are grieving.

Are you actually trying to justify the son reading it…

A will starts with

This is my last will and testament, just so you know and don’t accidentally read the full thing and not think it was a medical insurance document.

If you can’t trust your children to help out, they go through everything personal, well how disappointing.

Yes, you’re right he does now know and as I’ve said, I’d relieve him of the stress and give his inheritance to charity. Unless I’m not of sound mind, my will states my wishes. Not what anyone else may think it should be.

I kind of understand, they want to make sure it stays in the family and not to the step grandchildren.

It does make sense tbh. My mil did similar to avoid her sons second wife potentially inheriting the money and passing to the step children.

Not a good idea to meddle in others' wishes about something you don't control

Sounds horribly familiar and is one of those many Wills that has not been revisited by testators late in life when things incl asset values & beneficiary circs have changed. This kind of intractable situation, causing huge often irresolvable conflicts in immediate family, is only getting worse as the population ages and oversights increase - oversights the parents never anticipated but self-seeking offspring are only too ready to exploit.

Leave it. Nothing to do with you. Nobody is entitled to anything at end of the day. It's their money to spend as they please.
Yes it seems a bit unfair or likely to cause a problem but it's not your decision to make. Stay well out of it.

It is their sole decision and you can’t challenge it really…

Stay out of it. It’s your parents’ money and decision. He had NOT been disowned. Your parents have simply left his share to his child to ensure it stays in the blood line which is their right.

YANBU OP. My Gran did this, bypassed my Dad and left his share to me and DB and the rest to my Dad's DBs.
It absolutely devastated him and sped up his dementia imho. The hurt it caused and the division as the Bs doubled down. Nobody knows why either. Not our side at least.
Seeing what it did to my Dad changed how I viewed my Gran.

The idea that you would disinherit a child for reading one document when he was helping you out by hunting for another where you told him it was is just spectacularly batshit.

No, theyv'e not done that, and it doesn't matter if they have further DGC. They have left money to 3 of their DC and a fourth portion (all equal portions) to the children of the other son, who has step-DC. This is their wish and entirely proper - they do not wish their inheritance to go to the step-DC who are not their blood kin. By leaving money to their son's two DC instead of to him they avoid him deciding to share the money with his two SDC. They are completely within their rights to do this and it affects any further potential GDC in no way whatsoever. Also, very difficult to challenge if in England, I think (in Scotland, not so certain - inheritance laws are stricter).

He shouldn't have read the wills.

This is an incredibly selfish act.

All the posters who say “it’s their money, they can do what they want” are wrong as a matter of law. There is a legal concept known as “reasonable financial provision”, which means you cant just disinherit children you don’t like. Plenty of wills are overturned in the courts on this basis. And it will depend on your brother’s circumstances as to whether this applies.

Second as you are executors, you will be thrown into the middle of this. And for that to happen with no warning, is frankly disgusting behaviour. If your parents are planning this, they should have the decency to do this while alive.

It’s not “entirely proper” at all. It’s stupid, doesn’t achieve their aim of protecting family assets from remarriages, and will likely cause huge rifts in subsequent generations of their family.

And, they’ve not even had the decency to be transparent about it and have an open discussion with their children about their intentions. It’s actually quite shocking and no wonder the OP’s not-disinherited brother is hugely concerned having discovered this.

Maybe the parents feel the disinherited brother doesn’t need the money?

Agree that it’s the parents money to leave as they wish. But I would absolutely want to be asked if they were expecting me to take on the responsibilities of a trustee for my brother’s children in what may turn out to be a volatile situation. It’s the same as making someone an executor and not asking them. It’s worse in fact, because an executor’s role is finished once the estate is distributed, a trustee’s role might go on for years.