Brother has found parents’ wills

[ChorltonCreamery]

My mother tripped over a few days ago. Initially all seemed fine. Friend brought her home but the next day she went to a walk in. It was felt that she might need a procedure on her wrist.

What I only found out yesterday was that Dad rang one of my brothers to go through his desk to find this policy they have, a medical insurance that kicks in if NHS waiting list is too long. In the process of doing this he found their wills and read them.

Yesterday Brother asked if I could go round to his but I couldn’t as we are away. This afternoon sister texts me to call her back, it turns our parents have divided their estate into four. Three quarters between brother, sister and me with a quarter going to other brother’s child(ren) with us three acting as trustees.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Brother wants me and sister to meet for a chat about everything.

He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance.

I don’t know what to think, or what I am meant to think. Sisters annoyed with brother for even telling us.

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It's also about treating well the child who has made an effort.
My DH's grandfather has left everything to the DGC who cared for him in old age. It makes complete sense. My DH is not annoyed at all. We live abroad.

You have not married a good man.

Perhaps he should focus his energy on trying to fix his relationships with his children while he’s alive, rather than devising ways to compound his bad relationships with them after his death.

Using money in this kind of way is manipulative and verging on abusive, which is why it’s illegal in most countries.

Not much anyone can do about it except for them. But it would be a big fat “NOOOO” from me to being a trustee.

It's not unfair at all. Daughter in law might be awful/ have grown-up children who are awful/ be wealthy in her own right which her husband will benefit from.

Only if the parents live long enough for the grandchildren to be adults.

Deed of variation cannot be used to remove money from children.

What on earth is abusive or wrong with what Commonsense22 described?

@treetopsgreen, I regret to inform you that you are the poster who is lacking in comprehension.

Do tell

I know. I read it. The brother who found is the trustee and the beneficiary. Hence what I said.

I suppose their worry is that if they leave it to their son and he dies before his wife, she could leave it all to her children and not to his ? Unless they have shared dc in which case it would be split between her dc and their joint dc? The latter would mean that your parents’ Grandchildren by your brother, would inherit less than any other Grandchildren . So I see why they have done it. It isn’t as though they’ve cut him out entirely, they’ve just planned for it to go straight to his children.

Not really anyone’s business. But, from what I can see they aren’t exactly cutting other brother off, rather they are making sure his children are ok because they don’t want their DIL getting the hands on money they want their grandchildren to have. I’d assume they trust their other children to make sure their grandchildren are taken care of but worried about complications with the other son.

i don’t see it as any different to putting the money in a discretionary trust with trustees they trust to make the right decisions.

Although I’d be seriously thinking about cutting the brother who’s betrayed their trust out now!

If you can’t figure out how it would be awful for the final act in this world of a parent or grandparent to be one of spite that creates more family tension/ disagreements, rather than one of love, then it’s hard to know what to say to you.

I found out a while back, because one of my children told me, that my parents had made changes to their will that would have seen me and my sibling significantly disinherited in favour of our children. Worse, because I had more children than my sibling, said sibling would inherit more than I would. I suspect this might have been done for similar reasons to the above, that my parents didn’t like my then spouse.

Had I found this out on their death, I think I would have been devastated as I felt it was incredibly unfair, even though I sort of understand their reasoning. It’s quite cruel to leave your children to make that horrible discovery when they’re already dealing with the grief of losing a parent.

My parents have now changed their will again, but this time haven’t told people that are expecting an inheritance that they will no longer be getting it. I get that I may get nothing if it all gets spent on care and am fine if that happens, but to deal with the fact that my parents didn’t think enough of me to discuss it and to ensure fairness was needlessly thoughtless.

I get that family dynamics can be difficult, but something like this can cause wholly unnecessary pain. I would rather they had explained to me why they were doing it and given me a chance to make changes or at least get used to the idea. I am absolutely not the kind of person who would have kicked off and I honestly think they didn’t discuss it because they knew perfectly well it was unfair and would hurt and they wanted to avoid the discomfort of the discussion.

I now have to consider whether to tell the disinherited party that the will has changed. Another uncomfortable conversation my parents are avoiding having, even though it was them that told him what they’d done originally, presumably to please him.

It's somewhat amusing that so many people are slating the parents despite the fact the OP has offered zero clarity on what the "drama" with the son and the DIL has been.

I can see now why my (abusive, alcoholic, drug addled and violent) father got so much sympathy from people

You can’t be a trustee and beneficiary of a trust. 😆

The brother who found the will has been named as a trustee for the money that should have been left to the disinherited brother and will instead be left for that brother’s children, alongside the two sisters who will also be put in this invidious position by their selfish, spiteful parents (while each inheriting their 1/4 share directly).

This will cause immense family tension between the sibilings, and their own children. It’s an absurd plan which is unfair to all of the siblings, and their own children, and won’t protect family assets from remarriages, anyway.

No this is not possible.

How completely ridiculous. Commonsense22 clearly explained her husband understands that the grandchild who stayed and looked after the grandfather deserves the inheritance. Her husband sounds like a decent man. If you don't understand that, it's hard to know what to say.

So long as the trust element is not altered then you can still effect a deed of variation - the other shares can be altered as desired - you do not need approval from a beneficiary who is not impacted by the variation.

Cancel the cheque.

True although the brother and OP who are getting their knickers in a twist about this can always give their brother part of their shares.

People with this kind of transactional attitude to money and family relationships are the precise ones that cause these kinds of disasters for their descendants.

My grandparents have been open about doing this, everything is split 6 ways, 5 sixths to five of their children and the last sixth to be split equally between the biological children of my uncle, their 6th child. He is utterly feckless , had little to do with my cousins when they were growing up and has been bailed out a number of times by family, who he has consistently screwed over. He tried to attack my mum when my gran died because she wanted to return her left over meds to the pharmacy and my uncle who hadn't seen her for years wanted them.

Ultimately it's their money and they haven't disinherited that branch of the family just skipped a generation.

I think you need to read again the post you quoted.

They haven't suggested that the DB who read the will is the one who hs been disinherited

It’s not necessarily unfair to do it, it’s unfair to keep quiet and leave him and the other siblings, who are trustees (and thus made complicit) in the dark so the whole family only finds out this bombshell having just lost their last parent.

It their decision and they should deal with the fallout, not leave the entire family reeling after they’re gone.