Brother has found parents’ wills

[ChorltonCreamery]

My mother tripped over a few days ago. Initially all seemed fine. Friend brought her home but the next day she went to a walk in. It was felt that she might need a procedure on her wrist.

What I only found out yesterday was that Dad rang one of my brothers to go through his desk to find this policy they have, a medical insurance that kicks in if NHS waiting list is too long. In the process of doing this he found their wills and read them.

Yesterday Brother asked if I could go round to his but I couldn’t as we are away. This afternoon sister texts me to call her back, it turns our parents have divided their estate into four. Three quarters between brother, sister and me with a quarter going to other brother’s child(ren) with us three acting as trustees.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Brother wants me and sister to meet for a chat about everything.

He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance.

I don’t know what to think, or what I am meant to think. Sisters annoyed with brother for even telling us.

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I think you need to read more carefully the post you've quoted...

No such circumstances have been stated in the OP’s situation. She hasn’t said anything about her brother not raising his children. These parents also have NOT been open about their intentions; they have devised a bomb to throw into the family post-death, the fallout from which they intend to leave all of the children and grandchildren to deal with. Utterly selfish and immoral.

I am away until Tuesday so I can’t meet my siblings.

I do not know the nature of our role as trustees.

I do know that none of us have any intention to speak to brother or parents about this. Brother will never know that we knew about this.

He has just one child at the moment who is also the daughter of SiL.

I think brother who found the documents wants to discuss what might happen. I don’t think disinherited brother will blame us.

I am hoping that the child and potential other children will be adults before anything happens to my parents.

Why are you saying this to me??

I know that! That’s why I’ve been trying to tell other posters who clearly cannot read.

She speaks of drama, I'd want to know what that was before deciding if they were being reasonable or not. I do think it's right to be open about it though

Also what happens if they die, OP, and then your brother has another child with SIL? That child will then get nothing, whereas if the money was left to your brother (as is the intention with the rest of you) then children born after your parents death would presumably all get an equal share when you, in turn, pass on money to the next generation.

Aside from the fact, as I’ve pointed out earlier, that any one of the other three of you could divorce post- parents’ death and remarry, so their “plan” doesn’t protect family assets from this anyway (there are ways to do that).

Given it doesn’t even achieve that aim, it seems to be entirely motivated by spite and I can completely understand your brother’s concern upon discovering this. Your parents need to see a financial advisor and come up with a proper plan to protect the family assets with trusts if that is their intention.

If, however, their intention is simply to be spiteful to your brother then I would hope that you and your other two siblings would want nothing to do with this.

It’s also disgraceful for them not to have been transparent with any of you about this, or told you they intended to implicate you in their horrific plan and name you as trustees, placing you in an untenable position.

Your parents are entirely at fault here for terrible, thoughtless planning, and dishonesty and lack of transparency to boot. Your brother is very right to be concerned and want your input in how to handle it. Clearly they need to decide what to do but you should all be urging them to go to a competent independent financial advisor and rethink, and making it clear that you disagree with their intentions and want no part in carrying out this awful plan after their deaths.

Absolutely this. Controlling gameplay over wills is horrendous and so hurtful and divisive for those left behind. Utter cowardice to line that up and say nothing.

There is nothing to talk about. One child's allocation goes directly to their children. Seems fair to me. I would not get involved in that.

There are lots of stories about step families and wills.

someone up thread posted a scenario which happens a lot. Dad inherits from his parents, late wife etc. All family money. He then passes away and leaves everything to his second wife. She passes away and leaves everything to her children.

his children get nothing.

there was story on here many years ago where someone’s step mother inherited everything and left it to her son completely ignoring her husbands children.

this poster’s step brother ended up with her grandparents wealth on both sides (her mother had passed away long before leaving everything to her dad). He was not related to the grandparents, had never met them, yet got their houses. He even inherited his step father’s first wife’s jewelry while her actual daughter got nothing.

things scan go very wrong with step families and inheritances. I suspect that is why this couple want to ensure their grandchildren inherit and not their sone’s step children.

It ensures the money doesn’t end up with step kids. My dad asked my grandparents to do this ahead of remarrying to ensure inheritance protected. It’s the only way to be certain. Suppose the left out brother dies? What’s to stop his wife with whom there are issues leaving it to her kids?

My sister has said it’s something like biological child that has been named plus any future biological grandchildren.

Honestly, whenever I have heard situations like this, it mostly has been by utterly controlling people who still want an element of control after death.

My FIL speaks as if he’s some immortal being, who will still be in the room like some sort of controlling ghost watching over what happens to his money and thinking he will still have a say.

Transactional attitude? The fact you see the situation that Commonsense22 describes says a lot about you- and it's not good.

Your brother needs to mind his own business before he finds himself also disinherited - and his share diverted straight to any children he has, too.

How your parents chose to allocate their worldly goods is absolutely nothing to do with him. It’s a deep invasion of their privacy that he read a document labelled ‘last will and testament’ when he had been asked to look for another document. He is utterly out of order to have read it or to think that you all need to discuss it.

Absolutely. Anybody who remarries when they already have children without putting a will in place to ensure that their assets go to their children rather than their new spouse is utterly negligent. Subsequently, if they have further children with the new spouse, they can adjust the will proportionately. The spouse can be given a lifetime interest in any shared home etc. But to not protect one’s children from such a scenario is negligent and shocking.

Only that isn’t what is happening.

It's not that - it's the trusteeship. I would want to steer miles clear of that.

Hahahaa ok then. I will not inherit anything so it certainly isn’t about me. It’s about my astonishment that anybody would treat their own children in this manner because I certainly wouldn’t consider doing so regardless of what my children may do or not do in life. I certainly don’t expect care from them in my old age and wouldn’t be apportioning their inheritance based on that, or punishing them if they happen to live further away and see me less, that’s vile. What a way to leave this world, with a final act of spite and trying to play favourites among your descendants rather than leaving a message of love. If you don’t see the problem with this type of behaviour then the problem is most definitely a problem with your outlook on life and family relationships, not mine.

He's not a trustee of anything yet. He might be asked to be one for the inheritance due his nieces/nephews when his parents die; he can obviously refuse. That being the case, how can his behaviour now be a "breach of his fiduciary duties as an appointed trustee."?

Do tell. You're the lawyer.

Then how fortunate she can decline the appointment.

And if all of them intend to, it might be better for the parents to know that, and appoint someone who will do it. Wouldn't it?

Maybe the brother already knows .
The brother who read the wills should have kept quiet.

Wanting your offspring to be assured access to your earnings is wrong?

How can that work though? If your parents die, then money starts being distributed from the trust for the existing child, then another one comes along later, and it’s unknown how many there will be, how can trustees decide what is a fair amount to distribute to the existing one for whatever purpose in the meantime?

It places trustees in an impossible position (even if you all decline to be the trustees and someone else is willing to take up the position, which is not guaranteed if you parents have not prearranged and specified these people as a backup).

It will create immense discord between your disinherited brother and the rest of you, and likely between any children the other three of you have and the disinherited brother’s children as well.

It’s a terrible idea, and doesn’t protect family assets in any case because any of the other three of you could divorce and remarry. Your grandchildren might also do the same so the money might go to non-blood relatives later in the family tree.

It’s nonsensical and deeply unpleasant, very controlling and very unfair to all of you and shows that your parents either have little financial understanding (so need professional advice) or are very unpleasant people. I don’t know which is the case, but clearly if they are decent people they haven’t thought this through at all or they wouldn’t be doing it. But I’m doubtful of that, to be honest, otherwise they would have been open about these plans before drafting a will. These are matters that should all be very transparent within families so that subsequent generations aren’t left to deal with the kind of mess that this would create.

I am sorry you got dragged into this, and can’t ‘unknow’ it. It’s a messy situation - for instance, all the grandchildren not getting a direct inheritance are unlikely to feel great either - but how horrible to be involved in it.

Really the question now is whether your brother confesses what he’s seen to your parents. If he does, it’s really not for him to change/influence their decision.

However, Like @PriOn1 I have experience of painful unexpected will revelations in my family, so I do think transparency is fair. I think if it was me, I would encourage my parents to tell your brother or at leave a letter explaining their reasoning (they may have already done this). It’s so hurtful to find this stuff out when a parent has died