To report driving instructor to police

[AdeptTiger]

Driving instructor has been filming my autistic DS in the car. He's been turning the car seat heaters on, unknowingly, and DS has been coming home distressed, covered in sweat. He's put it down to nerves all along, but did think it a bit odd. We have only now discovered this as a friend, who is also a friend of the driving instructor, told us they were shown a video, and the driving instructor seems to have been taking the piss out of DS, turning the heaters on, and taking pleasure in DS becoming distressed and complaining how warm it is. He had filmed DS's distress on more than one occasion.

I confronted the driving instructor who has denied it.

I think it's absolutely abhorrent the way DS has been treated. DS is very shy and quiet, he gets extreme anxiety from social interactions. We made him take driving lessons to better his life but now feel terrible, this has been going on for 6 months and we didn't have a clue. When he comes home he is literally covered in sweat patches. We've already moved him to another driving instructor, to whom we explained what happened, but the new driving instructor seems to think it's not that big a deal and minimises the impact it had on DS...

This 60-year-old man bullying an 18-year-old neurodivergent boy is really making my blood boil and I don't know what to do. Am I overreacting? Is it just a 'joke' and a 'laugh'? Even a driving examiner friend of mine didn't seem to understand fully, or just refused to understand, brushed it under the rug and said, sort of dismissively, 'Just for a joke'. I don't think he understood DS was being filmed unknowingly, and I'm pretty sure he just thought the whole thing was made up.

Anyway, AIBU?

This is really sad, your poor son . I would definitely report to someone. Maybe the police or maybe the driving instructor governing body ? I would also move on from the current instructor who is minimising the experience

Fucking hell. I'd name and shame on every single local page as an absolute minimum to warn people. Hit him where it hurts.

It's a pity you don't have a copy of the video and you need to find an instructor who can not minimise and help the bairn feel safe.

REPORT! There must be a driving association or similar he has to be registered with.

Your poor ds.

Report and I’d also find a different new instructor.

Your poor DS. My DD is learning at the moment and her instructor is bloody amazing. I was so so worried about her going off with a stranger at just 17 after reading horror stories on FB and hearing stuff from her friends who are also learning.

I will just point out that almost all driving instructors have video in the car. Basically it's CCTV in case of incidents and accidents. Even my own one monitors the driver as well as the road.

But having said that the instructor should definitely not be showing his students to anyone else and if your Son is minor still (under 18). You could definitely raise this as a safe guarding concern to the police. Also his other treatment of him is also unacceptable. I hope you get it sorted OP.

I'm not even sure what I would say to the police. It's not exactly a crime to film, is it? All I know is his behaviour is vile.

This wasn't camera footage from within the car, he was filming him on his own personal mobile phone, and would laugh along every time DS was complaining about the heat, which in turn my poor DS would laugh along with him, not the faintest about what this creep was up to.

If he’s part of a driving school chain then report to head office!

I would do this but he would just deny it and it's our word against his. I've no proof, and he'd probably sue for defamation. I've no confidence in the friend backing what's right either.

I’m struggling to understand the reaction of the other driving instructor you told. That’s like poking an animal with a stick and then filming their distress to laugh about with others.

So not okay behaviour and I get why you are upset but unfortunately turning on seat heaters isn’t exactly illegal. This isn’t a police matter so I think you need to take a step back but absolutely report him to his company.

They have to be DBS checked so there must be someone you can report to. Your DS is vulnerable and this disgusting person has caused him distress and emotional harm. What about contacting adult social care to see if they could point you in the right direction?

This except report it to BOTH!!

Absolutely disgusting behaviour. There's nothing 'for a laugh' about this At All.

Hope the bastard loses his license (or whatever it's called) to be a DI.

the new be needs ditching too, find one that's a decent human being.

Your poor son. That is really awful. Some people can be so cruel. Definitely name and shame on all your local Facebook groups.

Not a crime to film, but isn't it breaking GDPR to share without your son's permission? And it's not sharing with good reason, such as showing evidence of a crash.

If he was an instructor through BSM or similar, I'd be giving them feedback. If not, he still has to be approved. See section 2.2 here https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/whats-involved-in-being-a-driving-instructor/approved-driving-instructor-adi-register-guide

I’d go and talk to the police. It is abuse of a vulnerable person and they may be able to charge him with something. You need a new driving instructor, anyone who doesn’t find this abhorrent is a dick.

I wonder if you could word reviews carefully to say “a friend of his reported that he seen a video recording of” and so on. Stick to the truth of what you’ve heard.

If police did look into it would probably be able to find this video even if he deleted it so he may avoid taking legal action as he wouldn’t want to bring himself under the spotlight further.

That is awful! ☹️
what a horrible person!
you should definitely report him!
is he independent or through a conpany? If a company you should definitely put in a complaint to then also,

I hope your son is ok!

Here's how to complain-
https://www.gov.uk/complain-about-a-driving-instructor

I can only assume because they all know each other they don't want to bother one another. Especially because this driving instructor in particular is pretty well known in the area for not exactly all the right reasons (which I've found out more recently). And like I said, I'm pretty sure they think I'm exaggerating and/or lying about the whole thing.

It's not just the videoing of him in distress, hes delibwrateky putting the seat warmer on and pribably gaslighting your son.

he is bullying and abusing a disabled 18 year old using his service.

And then filming it and sharing the footage.

So yes, needs the police and a report to the driving school and whichever governing body.

He's self employed.

Honestly if you can’t report him, get a few of your friends to book lessons with him for their DC. Arrange for him to meet them at houses on Rightmove that are empty and for extra laughs, film him knocking on the doors looking for students that don’t exist. And just waste his time like he has been doing to your poor DS. Do it every other week with different friends or family then get them to block his number. Give the nasty git a taste of his own medicine.

I would report this to absolutely everyone. I'm not a lawyer or police but I'm pretty sure there is criminal behaviour:

Police
Council - safeguarding/adult social care
Driving instructor chain
Driving instructor governing body
Government (as per pp's link)

I'd even be trying to get his DBS revoked.

This is appalling behaviour. He needs to be drummed out of being a Driving instructor.

LOL. This has made me chuckle. Unfortunately, he takes deposits so this wouldn't work, as much as I would love to. The weird thing is my DS has learnt more in 2 weeks' worth of lessons with the new DI than he did in 6 months with the old one, and even weirder is his great pass rate. My DS came home the other day, he has been confused about crossing lines on the road, and the new DI explained to him, simply, if you have to cross a line in the road (e.g., junction), it's not your priority. A lot of confusion subsided already. Shocking really. No wonder he was anxious if he wasn't even being taught how to drive! And we've paid this nasty man to just take the piss.