To report driving instructor to police

[AdeptTiger]

Driving instructor has been filming my autistic DS in the car. He's been turning the car seat heaters on, unknowingly, and DS has been coming home distressed, covered in sweat. He's put it down to nerves all along, but did think it a bit odd. We have only now discovered this as a friend, who is also a friend of the driving instructor, told us they were shown a video, and the driving instructor seems to have been taking the piss out of DS, turning the heaters on, and taking pleasure in DS becoming distressed and complaining how warm it is. He had filmed DS's distress on more than one occasion.

I confronted the driving instructor who has denied it.

I think it's absolutely abhorrent the way DS has been treated. DS is very shy and quiet, he gets extreme anxiety from social interactions. We made him take driving lessons to better his life but now feel terrible, this has been going on for 6 months and we didn't have a clue. When he comes home he is literally covered in sweat patches. We've already moved him to another driving instructor, to whom we explained what happened, but the new driving instructor seems to think it's not that big a deal and minimises the impact it had on DS...

This 60-year-old man bullying an 18-year-old neurodivergent boy is really making my blood boil and I don't know what to do. Am I overreacting? Is it just a 'joke' and a 'laugh'? Even a driving examiner friend of mine didn't seem to understand fully, or just refused to understand, brushed it under the rug and said, sort of dismissively, 'Just for a joke'. I don't think he understood DS was being filmed unknowingly, and I'm pretty sure he just thought the whole thing was made up.

Anyway, AIBU?

Utterly vile behaviour. I’m furious on your son’s behalf. Also really sad to think of this nasty behaviour.
The DI is an utter c**t and I don’t use that word lightly.

Alternatively perhaps you could tell us what town you are in & hope the Daily Mail pick up this thread. I doubt your son is the first person he has done this to.

He’s a lousy teacher if your son didn’t understand the meaning of lines on the road after six months of lessons, yet readily understood when this was explained to him. Also using his phone while supposedly teaching.

Definitely point out these things in a review. You may not want to ruffle any feathers while your son still needs a local instructor. I hope your son soon passes his test, now that he has a better (even though unsympathetic) instructor.

As soon as he’s passed, I would post a scathing but factual and unemotional review of the disgusting first instructor.

He must be registered as part of a professional body - you could get him struck off (which he deserves) .

I feel for you OP, this moron has abused his position of trust and treated your DS appallingly. How cruel to film your boy like that. The new instructor sounds no better - there is no minimising this.

I would report . Just so it's on record. You never know he may have other reports made against him already.
Can you leave a review about him anywhere? Warn others who may suffer the same from him.
Your poor ds. Learning to drive is stressful enough

How awful! What a horrible bully! I would report him to whatever body governs driving instructors and I'd also make sure I warned every person I knew about his disgusting bullying behaviour! Does he have a Web page you could post a very honest review on?

This does seem like a good way forward. Would your DS feel able to make the complaint himself with your support? It might help him feel better about having been a target. There's an email address for complaints so you could start by finding out about the complaints process if you are unsure. They say there's no obligation to also take it to the police.

I can appreciate your concern about getting on the wrong side of this man and his family, but most people in his situation would be cautious. Any evidence of him retaliating would mean further risk to his livelihood (CCTV ringbell etc). He needs stopping from causing further harm to young people. Obviously, if you can get hold of the video he's sharing then you've a much stronger case. Could you ask the friend to forward it to you without saying how you plan to use it? Ooch, I know, but maybe ends justify means sometimes. This is appalling!

I was sexually harassed by a driving instructor, too, but such things were barely talked about back then ('70s), so I just changed instructors. I wish I'd reported the fucker.

He was an ex-copper too, which makes me wonder if he'd abused his power to abuse other women in the course of his career.

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I'm going to contact the relevant people first thing tomorrow. It's such weird behaviour and like a couple of you have said I bet DS isn't the first he has done this to, no way. He actually showed the video to friend when they were out, he casually pulled his phone out of his pocket and said, 'Look at this boy', and clearly found the distress more than amusing. He didn't send it to anyone or anything, and I'm sure he would've deleted it faster than you can say cheese after we confronted him about it (we confronted him over the phone because DS missed lessons after we found out about it, though wish we did it in person now). He just outright denied it and said he would never do that. The friend in question is actually quite close with him, and their children see him as an uncle. Friend didn't think it was acceptable so hence let us know. All I will say is this is in south Wales.

Thank you all.

Absolutely all this.

Also, it may or may not be an issue to use a mobile phone but you're meant to tell someone that you're recording otherwise it's not done with consent. Add that into the gaslighting and general treatment of someone neurodivergent and I think there's a reasonable case of someone being unsuited to their job.

CCTV of your son is his personal data.
He can probably ask for a copy of that.
There are rules relating to subject access requests.

Doubt the police will do anything. But would report him to relevant people. I assume he will have some sort of social media advertising his service? I would call him out on there so other clients will see.