To report driving instructor to police

[AdeptTiger]

Driving instructor has been filming my autistic DS in the car. He's been turning the car seat heaters on, unknowingly, and DS has been coming home distressed, covered in sweat. He's put it down to nerves all along, but did think it a bit odd. We have only now discovered this as a friend, who is also a friend of the driving instructor, told us they were shown a video, and the driving instructor seems to have been taking the piss out of DS, turning the heaters on, and taking pleasure in DS becoming distressed and complaining how warm it is. He had filmed DS's distress on more than one occasion.

I confronted the driving instructor who has denied it.

I think it's absolutely abhorrent the way DS has been treated. DS is very shy and quiet, he gets extreme anxiety from social interactions. We made him take driving lessons to better his life but now feel terrible, this has been going on for 6 months and we didn't have a clue. When he comes home he is literally covered in sweat patches. We've already moved him to another driving instructor, to whom we explained what happened, but the new driving instructor seems to think it's not that big a deal and minimises the impact it had on DS...

This 60-year-old man bullying an 18-year-old neurodivergent boy is really making my blood boil and I don't know what to do. Am I overreacting? Is it just a 'joke' and a 'laugh'? Even a driving examiner friend of mine didn't seem to understand fully, or just refused to understand, brushed it under the rug and said, sort of dismissively, 'Just for a joke'. I don't think he understood DS was being filmed unknowingly, and I'm pretty sure he just thought the whole thing was made up.

Anyway, AIBU?

disgusting behaviour.

however, when driving he will encounter unexpected situations. will he be able to deal with that without becoming a unattentive/dangerous driver?

That is absolutely bizarre behaviour from the driving instructor. My DH is an instructor and would never dream of this. Driving instructor’s r self employed so I’d be sharing this info far and wide as he deserves his business to tank: he should be doing all he can to make his pupil comfortable and safe

You may have already done this but definitely do a google review (and as PP said, stick to the facts)

This has absolutely broken my heart. Please give your son an extra big hug if he'll let you.

Men like that DI deserve a violent de-bollocking.

The data breach- showing footage of your son to others in the pub for a laugh - can be reported to the ICO. (Information commissioners office, he's a data controller for business purposes so should be registered with them)

You can report the bullying to the DVSA as it is a breach of their code of conduct: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/driving-instructor-code-of-practice/approved-driving-instructor-adi-code-of-practice#personal-conduct

There’s video evidence.

Report this excuse of a man. He is despicable. I'm so sorry for your DS. I'd speak to citizens advice to see if you can get some of the lesson money back too.

The new instructor may not be minimising things in the way you suggest, they may be saying the impact on learning to drive isn't massive and things will be OK. I'd accept that and move on. Just make sure your DS knows he can tell you everything so you can help him deal with any future bullying.

Good luck to your DS. Driving will be a huge benefit to him.

Definitely report to police, even if it's not the right way to go, they should point you in the right way to go. The previous instructor should have a DBS, I would follow this up and report to them also. You said there were other reasons that he doesn't have a good reputation? I would publicise his behaviour somehow, a review or similar. You have no idea what he might be doing to other vulnerable students. Also see if there's a regulatory body for driving instructors that you can report him to.

This man is abhorrent, I have an autistic DS and if anyone behaved this way towards him, especially a service-provider I had actually paid for, I would hit the roof in every possible way.

It doesn't matter what the other diriving instructor or your friend the examiner said. Fine, they're not bothered, you ARE! And they are not the arbiters of this sitation. Luckily there is a registration body that is...

The ADI - Approved Driving Instructor - Registry is, which is part of the DVSA run by Department of Transport. You have to be a fit and proper person to be a Driving Instructor, this guy ain't. The keeper of the Register, i.e. the Registrar of the ADI can have bad'uns struck off.

See link
www.gov.uk/government/publications/whats-involved-in-being-a-driving-instructor/approved-driving-instructor-adi-register-guide

He must be a registered driving instructor and he deserves to be struck off for this. Doesn't matter you don't have the video, you have compelling evidence from someone who has seen it. (And maybe there is 'in car' video installed which the ADI could request)

So,write to the ADI with a complaint. While you're at it, write your MP, your local councillor and your local Trading Standards department at the council - they should be told there is a rogue operator in their area.

And you should be able to get your money back. Consider going to the small claims court.

You must take action to get him off the roads - God knows what he might do to other vulnerable clients!

Get the video. Then name and shame all over social media.

Failing that

Maybe the instructor will wake up one morning to find his car keyed or similar and wonder why anyone would do such a thing.

@AdeptTiger
I would email Ashley Neal the driving instructor from YouTube for advice.
https://youtube.com/@ashley_neal?si=--yHqGpPQcU1iegx
There an email there.

He sometimes takes about bad driving instructor practice.

How did you find out? Like who showed you the video or told you about the video? And if they have the video get the video from them surely? Or record it onto your phone. If he’s doing this to your son he’s likely doing it to other people..the police need to know. He was being mentally and physically abusive to a disabled person. I’d imagine this could be classed as a hate crime? I totally get if you’re scared of the family though. There may be other families of victims you could find to support bringing a case to the police - what do his reviews say?

My husband was a driving instructor for 30 years OP and what you describe in terms of bullying isn't uncommon behavior. I think many think they are untouchable and to a certain extent they are. I don't think the police will give you the time of day. I would definitely make a complaint to the DVLA - deliberately making a learner distracted and distressed is dangerous and shows a real lack of common sense.
The other things I'd consider although I don't think you'll get particularly far it might put the wind up him.... factual, scathing reviews all over social media - hit him in the business and a small claims pursuit of a refund - you probably won't win it but for £30 you'll get the satisfaction of making him jump through annoying court hoops and perhaps he will think twice before fucking around with his pupils again

You don't have any evidence and he's said it isn't true. Unfortunately, I can't see this going anywhere.

I'm glad to hear that some cars have CCTV now, I'll definitely be checking on that when it's time for DD to have lessons. My driving instructor use to talk to me about sex and put his hand on my thigh. I didn't have the confidence at 17 to tell him to fuck off.

This is the criminal offence you are looking for. A driving instructor cannot use their phone when supervising pupils.

That's awful behaviour.

A driving instructor is not allowed to use a mobile phone during lessons, they are just as much in charge of the vehicle as the learner.

It is illegal for him to use his phone whilst teaching, please report to the police.

I would report him to the governing body if he is a member of one and would certainly be posting something on SM to name and shame him.

It's disgusting behaviour

@bloodredfeaturewall

Excuse me? Are you suggesting the DI was stress testing his client rather than bullying a young autistic person? Unfortunately, filming him on his mobile phone then sharing the footage and laughing at the discomfort he has caused very strongly suggests otherwise.

Those of us who are NT have a responsibility to help protect those in society who can't do it themselves.

It’s a real shame that you don’t have a copy of the video. But I’d be telling the police about his use of the mobile whilst supervising a learner if he was filming whilst the car was actually being driven at the time .

How did your friend who told you about it react to it? Would they step up to confirm what they’d seen if you pursue this further?
I’d definitely report the driving instructor - via the link you’ve been given several times upthread
if nothing else it can start a record of complaints and that may build a profile for them to take action is others add to it

For all you know your complaint may be the one they need to take action

I voted YABU only because of thd police element. If what you say is correct (snd whilst I don’t didbrlieve you, I don’t think you have any actual evidence?) he is an appalling bully. However, surely the best steps going forwards are: (1) change instructors (2) report to DVLA and his employer (3) leave a bad review online (eg Facebook if that’s where he or the company advertises). I think jumping to the police is not the appropriatd way to go, unless you actually can show tgem the film.

This is deplorable and this man shouldn't be working with young people at all, specially vulnerable ones.

https://www.gov.uk/complain-about-a-driving-instructor

You should report the phone use (which your son saw) if nothing else.

We reported a driving instructor who was a far right dick. He told our 17 year old son that it's fine to drive at Muslims and tried to get him into Andrew Tate websites.
He is still teaching.

As the driving instructor is legally supervising a learner, I’m pretty sure it’s against the law for him to be on his phone at all. The same as if he was driving himself.

If you could get hold of the video, surely this would be a police matter. Otherwise, your son has seen him on his phone in the car, so possibly could report him.

of course I am not.

and I think everyone should have the opportunity to participate fully in society.

but not everyone can/should drive. and sometimes it only becomes apparent during lessons.