Another neighbour post

[Lesleyann25]

I am having an ongoing problem with my downstairs neighbour. My daughter and I moved into a large apartment in December it’s a really good area and we like it here.

It started as soon as we moved in, there is a lady in her 60s with her adult son about 20. It appears the son stays up all night and sleeps all day and games under my room until around 4am shouting at the screen. I spoke to lady she was very nice said she would tell him to keep it and down and went on a long spiel about him having mental health problems and waiting for a diagnosis for autism so I have tried to cut them a bit of slack but it really isn’t on I have to listen to podcasts to sleep. What has really annoyed me is that my daughters bedroom door is a bit stiff so it makes a bit of noise when she closes it in the mornings but I am talking about 8am, we are out all day and go to bed by 10 as I have work too.

Now the son has started slamming doors at 4am I am assuming in revenge so I have reported them to the council. Autism and mental health is not a reason to keep other people up all night surely? I think it’s completely out of order. She said he has insomnia too. Anyone else dealt with this?

Thank you. I even took her number we have had a lot of conversations but after all these months after a few weeks of quiet it’s business as usual and yes I need to go down the complaints route and I did tell I would not have a choice if it did not stop. She is already worried about the council due to previous complaints.

Of course your neighbour should not be shouting and raving in the middle of the night, but you are very naive if you think ‘the authorities’ are going to do anything to help you. They can’t make a 20 year old man be quiet any more than you can. The only tool in their toolbox is the threat of eviction, but they’re not going to evict a 60 year old woman and her vulnerable/mentally unwell son. I’m afraid you’re on a hiding to nothing here.

And additionally, you are coming across as quite unhinged on here - it may just be the sleep deprivation, but if you behave the same way in real life, the council will assume you are the problem neighbour. Your ranty, self-important tone will not help you.

Good luck, I really do empathise. I hope it settles down.

They don’t know if he does though they are just speculating at the moment. Im sure if he has severe autism the council will take that into consideration

And yet it was the previous inhabitants of your flat who ended up leaving, not her and her son… Clearly they’d had enough and realised there was nothing they or the council could do.

I am certainly not unhinged, at the end of my rope maybe. I have a very busy job as a financial
manager and I have been placed on a pip due to my lack of concentration so yes im highly stressed as I know pips do not always go very well for people. You would be very angry also if sleep deprivation was making you face the prospect of losing your job.

Well it's a several year wait for a diagnosis, so you have some time ahead of you before any action is likely to be taken. I'd concentrate on the things you can control, like earplugs and looking into other areas to live.

Ask her who she rents from and if she asks why you can let her know you want to contact the housing officer who deals with antisocial behaviour as you feel that you’re numerous conversations haven’t had an impact on the noise disturbance. She’ll refuse to tell you of course but it might motivate her to address her son’s behaviour.

I knew the people who lived here before I met them she had only just moved in so didn’t know anything about her.

If you’re worried maybe try to be a little less nasty

Maybe I will have to move but I cannot do that to my daughter at the same time that she is changing schools. As I said she can sleep through anything so I guess I will have to sleep on my sofa.

The police won't be the slightest bit interested in someone smoking weed in their own home. You could probably walk past a copper in the street while puffing a spliff without them doing anything.

If it wasn't for the fact you're in a flat, I might think you were talking about my autistic niece. Like many ND people, she's never been able to establish a normal sleep pattern and is often awake all night. And she games, including a lot of laughing and loud talking, but it doesn't disturb her mother or sibling, despite them being in the same house. She also "stims", as many autistic people do, and this takes the form of high-pitched squealing. It's an involuntary behaviour arising from a disabling condition, and no council would take any action about it, so if the vocal sounds you can hear are stimming, you may as well save your breath.

Spend a few quid on acoustic floor tiles or matting in the room(s) immediately above the son's room and re-lay the carpet on top. That should make a big difference.

@Lesleyann25 I don't know why you're getting so much grief on here OP - and I'd put your "aggressive" responses (as some PPs have characterised them) down to being tired and pissed off (understandably so!).
Definitely go down the formal complaints process OP - if you can make timed, audio recordings of the noise to evidence your claims to the council even better, but as a bare minimum keep a diary of all the disturbances to give them. Statutory noise nuisance is a serious issue and your council would be obliged to investigate and take action on it if you provide them with sufficient evidence (maybe the 20yr-old's over-indulgent mother will realise how serious it is when she's served with a noise abatement notice and risks losing her home if her darling son continues with his behaviour).
Good luck OP!

Well I didn’t mean to be nasty guess I am just a bit touchy. I have an interview tomorrow and I don’t want to leave my job but I’ve seen many people on pips get fired so need to get that ball rolling. Just find it really unfair tbh

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s not acceptable behaviour from your neighbours and I’m confused why some people are defending that.

please keep a diary and try to get some recordings of the noise disturbance. Log all of this with the council/environmental health. Have you tried white noise or something to cover it up?

if you feel the Mum is approachable could you speak to her again?

I was actually talking to who I quoted, never mind

Thank
you, if I believe it genuinely down to memtal
illness I’d be more sympathetic but I do think it’s pure over indulgence and he rules the roost. I don’t want to start any gender conversation because I know nothing about that but he was a girl up until last year so I think she is giving him too much leeway because of that.

OP I really don’t think you are going to get anywhere with this. I understand on all of your very pointed posts how frustrated you are and how annoying it is but the council aren’t going to throw someone out for keeping different hours no matter how awful it is.

I think as others have said you will be in for a long battle and a lot more stress (on top of the noise stress) if you aggressively pursue this. Most councils are exceptionally lacking in social housing so moving someone (them) to another property because they keep different hours isn’t a reason to move someone. And it gives them a headache to find them another place to live. They may need a ground floor for example (I don’t know I’m just saying as an example) and need to live in this flat. Or it has adjustments we don’t know about. Etc.

And for the record SATS don’t mean anything. They are a schools way of understanding where kids are and most senior schools don’t stream (it is proven that steaming kids in year 7 shows lower grades in both higher and lower performers) so no need to worry or stress about that:

I think your best route is the weed which is still illegal but the police may not care for a small amount and self use.

🧌

I don’t think she can help because she even waits until other neighbours leave the building before she will
leave bevause she knows it’s unacceptable. Maybe if the boy knows it’s serious he will knock it off. Hence council involvement.

OP isn't asking for them to be moved. She's asking for them to be quiet at night, which isn't at all unreasonable.

Im not a cave woman at all. I said I don’t want to discuss gender at all it’s not something I know much about. Ffs

I would approach the school.
Your daughter is being woken by this man during the night and her sleep is being impacted and her schooling as a result.

Ask for help. This is not fair on your child.
Keep reporting to the police and council.

Become a pain in their arse because your child's schooling is being impacted by this noise during the night.

No one’s saying she’s being unreasonable for wanting quiet at night. They’re just pointing out she’s being very naive if she thinks the authorities will do anything to help.

Maybe they won’t be it might give the lad a shock and he might be reasonable as he clearly doesn’t listen to his mother.