Is it me, or are these friends exploiting us?

[JohnPrescottsPyjamas]

Posted before about this couple who sold their house and wanted to stay in our place whilst we were away on holiday.

We’ve been friends for several years. Great company, charming people, but incredibly disorganised and unable to prioritise their life - not our problem, except they have a habit of offloading their crises onto those around them. Everything is always left to the last minute and I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to get a freebie off someone or get everyone running around after them, whether it’s a friend of a friend offering holiday accommodation, a cheap decorator or last minute dog sitter etc etc. For example, DH ended up doing an exceptionally long airport run for them recently because they didn’t want to take their car, the more convenient local airport didn’t fly on a day that suited them (it was to another freebie overseas apartment) and the lift was presented to him as, “are you still ok to take us to……” which he felt obliged to do as he said he honestly couldn’t remember agreeing to, but felt he couldn’t let them down! No offer of petrol etc, just bought DH a coffee and a cake.

They sold their house, have made a nice profit, now cash buyers and looking to downsize, but they have have not planned where they were going to live, refuse to pay for a short term rental and are essentially sofa surfing until they find somewhere to buy. They’ve dropped great big hints suggesting they could stay with us for around a month whilst they search as we “have the room” as clearly they have outstayed their welcome the other friends they have been staying with. We do have the space, and there is no reason why I should say no, but I’m beginning to feel a bit of a mug.

AIBU to say no as it’s only a month and we’ve been friends for a long time, or is not unreasonable to say no, they need to make their own arrangements?

Sorry I got the wrong end of the stick and thought you'd refused.

Please just say no.

“No, I’m afraid that does not work for us.”

And no other extraneous info/ chat/ excuses.

No emotion, no apologies but no.

If they are paying, they are more likely to buy/move quicker, whereas if they are getting a freebie, they won't be under pressure to sort themselves out quickly.Theyll stay longer.

Absolutely not and would distance from them or at least put in strong boundaries - like saying no and it wasn’t me who agreed to do an airport run.

Don't let them in while you are away. A couple of years ago on that programme about landlords and tenants, there was a case about a single mother who did just that. When she returned she could not get into her flat. The locks were changed and she eventually had to go to court to get possession of your own flat.

It is hard to believe, but actually happened.

I am not sure if that young mother was on holiday or not.

no is a short word i cant believe their cheek.

I hope the apartment is not empty of the owners. Perhaps on the Med they have more strict rules on people who won't vacate a home unless sued, as seems to be the case in the UK.

So you think it possible that they are 'sofa surfing' to find a home they can 'squat' in, like the case on TV in Landlords and Tenants?

Great advice this Short and Sweet!

You have just described Prize winning CFs, making masterful use of the "are you still OK to give us a lift to the airport?" technique, implying that your DH had offered (when he was still trying to remember if he had and putting him on the spot)
They haven't ever organised anything properly since you knew them.
Do you really think this will just be a month?
And what will they be like once you are all there together? Will you be doing even more running around after them? You bet you will. Oh can you help us move furniture, can we leave a few bits here to store it until we can move in.

YOU ARE NOT THEIR MUM AND DAD. THEY ARE ADULTS WHO CAN ORGANISE THEIR OWN LIVES.

There, I said it, in shouty letters for emphasis.

You've already done a lot for them. I can imagine your homecoming from your break when they house is a tip and they tell you they need to stay just a tiny bit longer as their house purchase fell through.

As others have said its what AirBnBs were invented for.

Thats good you’ve told them they have to book a hotel for when they’re back in June. Tell them as well that you’ve got a mice problem could be rats and you need to clean out the garage. You’ve found some droppings on their stuff but there might be more underneath the boxes etc. so you need to empty the place and spray repellent. Could they clear their stuff in June or if not could they pay for a removal van to take their things away asap so that the pest problem can be dealt with.

Well done on the hotel suggestion.

well done on standing up for yourself

as PP have said I would be telling them by June they need to sort out alternative storage for their stuff you currently hold as you need the space or will have to start charging them

personally I would also start returning the post not known at this address as well as they never asked in the 1st place

Yes! Well done OP. Nice work. They really are a study aren't they?
I couldn't believe it when she tried to get you to walk her dog too.
There should be a MN award for the best CF of the year.

No I'm sorry that won't work for us

For a month are they offering board? Firmly ignore hints.

To even consider this you need to be straight up asked. Boundaries set. And compensation agreed. You're not a homeless shelter

Absolutely fucking no way. Get these calculating leeches out of your life and by all means tell them why. They know exactly what they are doing. Using people.

What do they do with their dog whilst sofa surfing or staying in friends of friends houses?

It sounds like they use people for fun and entertainment and then rinse them for favours, no doubt they have much healthier bank accounts than many of their friends. If they stop being so friendly after you've said no a few times than you know that they aren't really friends, just users. And no one needs friends like that. And if it seems difficult to say no then imagine being them and behaving like that, constantly on the take from people. I'd be mortified and feel so guilty if I made a friend do a four-hour trip just to take me to the airport.

Guess what?

They have another friend who looks after it free of charge. The rest of us in the real world pay £30 a day for kennels.

@JohnPrescottsPyjamas awesome username

These friends remind me of two separate people who, when they invited me over for a casual afternoon / lunch, then gave me a list of other people to invite ... Converting me from guest to party planner.

😂What did you say to that??

I have a DN who's 3, and if i ask her to do something she doesn't want to do. She looks you dead in the eye and say "oh no, I can't do that" more of us need to channel that energy towards CFs

Hmm, no they can’t stay. They just can’t. You don’t need to give them reason. They can’t invite themselves. Please do not let them stay…

Awkward isn't it? I did it but cooled the 'friendships' after that.