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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has caused nearly £300 plus worth of destruction

532 replies

Bunnyboilerfriend · 23/05/2025 07:49

I had my friend stay the night last night, I waved her off goodbye this morning.

I said something unwittingly last night that made her think I’m after the same man she is, I am not. He is a mutual friend. I could see she was upset and tried to clarify things, she said she understood and she was fine. We both went to bed. Me upstairs. Her downstairs.

After I have seen her off this morning, I have just noticed a number of my jewellery on the hallways console are either broken or bent out of shape beyond recognition.

They were fine last night, there is no one else here who could have done it. I could see she was not only upset but angry last night, but seemed to have composed herself and it was resolved.

I have just sent a text to her saying can you tell me what happened to my jewellery on the console?

I am so shocked and upset I’m almost shaking, I feel so betrayed and violated.

What can I do next?

OP posts:
Ithappenedtome1 · 24/05/2025 21:23

CanelliniBeans · 24/05/2025 19:09

It’s basically her word against yours. I don’t think you will win this. You’ve probably really upset her. She sounds volatile. Pick your friends more carefully in future and be clear about friendship before men.

Do you always sound so patronising? Grrrrh! It's people like you who lower the tone with your faux pompousness. Give it a rest!

HAB75 · 24/05/2025 21:32

Warn your friend and ensure he understands the link between her behaviour and bunny boiling - wilfully misunderstanding in order to harbour a grievance, massive lack of self-control, refusal to take responsibility, and a bent towards petty revenge. Oh, and a literacy age of 6. That should do it.

Blackdow · 24/05/2025 21:32

grumpygrape · 24/05/2025 21:20

Damage can be repaired, you are attributing destruction which would equate to the original cost. Doesn’t take a genius to work that out.

Show quote history

Never heard the phrase, “Damaged beyond repair?”

It is entirely normal to say someone has damaged something, whether it’s a small bit of damage or it’s been bent and twisted up. Totally normal y use of English. And if someone does damage something, it is entirely normal, as a first reaction, to say they have caused X amount of damage using whatever figure you paid for it.

You’re trying to have some sort of gotcha moment over the OP, but it’s not there. What she said is a very normal way of speaking.

Wooky073 · 24/05/2025 21:40

Did you check the jewellery was intact and ok soon before she arrived? A hallway table is not exactly a secure location for valuable jewellery. Hallway is where you receive guests - so how do you know for sure it was her. If you checked it soon before her arrival and are 100 percent certain then you have your answer - and no one needs someone like that in their lives. Consider your £300 losses well spent on understanding that your friendship is over before she damaged you in any other ways. However please consider a much more secure place to store jewellery. My mums wedding and engagement ring were in a box in her bedroom and 'dissapeared' whilst she was recieving end of life care with many visitors to the house. If I had stored them in the hallway on open display then I would consider myself a little foolish at not being more cautious with valuable items. Lessons learnt !

Snugglemonkey · 24/05/2025 21:46

MatildaMovesMountains · 23/05/2025 08:14

YABU for using the phrase "nearly £300 plus" 😅.

Why so nasty?

midlandsdogwalker · 24/05/2025 21:48

This is an awful thing to have happened and does seem a very spiteful thing for anyone to have done.

Do you have any photos of the jewellery before this happened?

You could always take photos of the pieces as they are now and show them to her and see what her reaction is.

300 is not an insignificant sum of money and replacing them may not be an option if they are older pieces.

Whether or not she admits it, your friendship may well be over, but I think you do need to see what she says.

ThisOldThang · 24/05/2025 22:03

It's probably just let it go. She's the sort of nutter that will come back and trash your car as 'revenge' for being called out on the jewellery.

diddlydooda · 24/05/2025 22:09

once I argued with my little brother and he purposefully bit my favourite ring to bend it all out of shape, this reminded me of that. Sounds like maybe she did something similar? My brother was seven though, not sure what her excuse is. He's loaded now we're in our forties, I might suggest he replaces it 🤣

Roobarbtwo · 24/05/2025 22:25

Isinglass20 · 24/05/2025 20:58

MissScarlettintheballroom

I really really wouldn’t put any unproven allegations about damage to the jewellery in writing. This could escalate into serious litigation as in recent court case between footballers wives.

Just block and walk away and get to know people better before inviting them into your home
and why did she need to stay over if she wasn’t drinking?

Serious litigation over 300 quid. That's not quite the same as Rooney v Vardy.

SimplyAFolly · 24/05/2025 22:29

Try not upsetting her next time, is a little bent jewelry worth more than friendship, I think not.

Phone her and tell her to get bent?

MellowTiger · 24/05/2025 22:44

TY78910 · 24/05/2025 20:23

She does sound 100% sure. She literally said this categorically didn’t happen.

’even so’ is a figure of speech. She is saying that the way that the jewellery was found could not have been caused by any fall.

but you know that already, you just wanna be edgy

Show quote history

If her friend saw this she may have put the jewellery back straight - who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️
I just find it weird that the friend would do this and then say OP fell. I don’t know what trying to be edgy means - I’m just positing an alternative view.

HaveCreditWillShop · 24/05/2025 22:47

Harmonypus · 24/05/2025 19:43

Here's a worse situation....i lent my friend a diamond tennis bracelet and within 24hrs she'd lost it.
Despite not denying that she had it, she's saying it's not her responsibility to replace it.
As soon as she told me, we both looked up the cost to replace it, £8,850!
I couldn't believe it was worth that much. It was just under £5k when it was bought, but I had no idea it had increased by so much.
She's now refusing to see or speak to me, and it's not because she's embarrassed about losing it, she's arguing that I shouldn't have lent it to her.
Where do I stand? I'd be angry about £300 damage but would write off the friendship and deal with the repairs, but this is a whole lot bigger.

Edited

Do you have this piece on your home insurance? I have my ‘good’ pieces on my insurance.
5k or 8k doesn’t really matter - don’t lend jewellery of that value if you cannot afford to replace it without saying ouch.

Snugglemonkey · 24/05/2025 22:52

Negroany · 23/05/2025 23:26

Maybe she will. My point is that I have no idea what I paid for several pieces of non valuable jewellery. It just sounds like a number plucked out of the air to me.

Show quote history

Does it really matter?

Hulabalu · 24/05/2025 23:53

Harmonypus · 24/05/2025 19:43

Here's a worse situation....i lent my friend a diamond tennis bracelet and within 24hrs she'd lost it.
Despite not denying that she had it, she's saying it's not her responsibility to replace it.
As soon as she told me, we both looked up the cost to replace it, £8,850!
I couldn't believe it was worth that much. It was just under £5k when it was bought, but I had no idea it had increased by so much.
She's now refusing to see or speak to me, and it's not because she's embarrassed about losing it, she's arguing that I shouldn't have lent it to her.
Where do I stand? I'd be angry about £300 damage but would write off the friendship and deal with the repairs, but this is a whole lot bigger.

Edited

I’d be interested to know where you stand legally on this if there are any lawyers on here

Pinkdhalia · 24/05/2025 23:54

Send her a solicitors letter unless she compensates you for the damage she did to your jewellery, you’ll take her to small claims court. you’ve a high % chance of winning

TrolleySong · 25/05/2025 00:02

Bunnyboilerfriend · 23/05/2025 23:31

No response from Boiler. Easiest way out for her would be an unmarked envelope of cash through letterbox, no admission, no guilt, problem solved for good.

You sound like you’ve borrowed your script from a bad thriller. One minute she’s your friend staying over and you’re having a mini-tiff about a guy, next minute it’s all ‘she’s got a rep’ and ‘aggro’ and unmarked envelopes of cash through the letterbox.

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/05/2025 00:02

chachahide · 24/05/2025 07:20

I was wondering this, most of my jewellery can’t be bent, and I don’t keep it in a hallway! No way is this real.

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I live with teen DD and I keep all of my jewellery hanging off the intricate frame of my lounge mirror (metal filligree type thing). Its the mirror I use to do my hair and makeup, so makes sense to keep it there and stops necklaces getting tangled. Also looks quite pretty. I have a friend who also does this.

In a home I share with no other adults, why the hell would I keep it squirrelled away when I dont have to?

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/05/2025 00:05

Hulabalu · 24/05/2025 23:53

I’d be interested to know where you stand legally on this if there are any lawyers on here

Show quote history

I agree. If you have proof she borrowed, texts etc, then you would not lose in court.

ETA Bollocks did she lose it. If someone loaned me a diamond anything, I would be paranoid! This is the dyson hair curler thing all over again.

BakelikeBertha · 25/05/2025 00:20

K14dwy · 24/05/2025 18:21

You used the word friend, I don't think this girl is your friend, even if you did want the same man there's no reason to go to this level of anger and disrespect. A real friend would stop and realise you have absolutely no control over what this man wants because its ok you both saying you liked him but end of the day its his choice if he liked one of you back.

She's clearly felt threatened by you, and sees you not as a friend but as competition and someone in the way of what she wants. To me no friends worth losing over a man , but they are worth losing for this level of disrespect for your property.

You caused it by your joke , that was not ok to say not even in jest , I hope you understand you crossed a line with your friend and you caused her reaction and you must hold accountability for that, but it doesn't justify how she reacted.

You both need to find new friends, because you both are toxic to each other.

Show quote history

K14dwy you said in your post, 'you caused it by your joke, that was not ok to say not even in jest ', but what joke, there was no joke as far as I can see, it was just a misunderstanding, which the OP explained, and thought that things were OK between them afterwards. I feel sure that if the OP thought there was an ongoing problem the 'friend' would not have continued to stay the night, but instead she clearly chose to brood on it, and then destroy the OP's jewellery out of sheer spite.

Boreded · 25/05/2025 00:53

Buffs · 24/05/2025 19:25

Well you can pursue the man now if you’re interested. Are you?

I think I would do it on purpose

Springtimehere · 25/05/2025 00:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

HardyCrow · 25/05/2025 02:10

AtypicalMum · 23/05/2025 08:37

I would tell her that your security camera of the hallway says otherwise and she owes you £300 or you will be handing over footage to the Police and she will end up with a criminal record for destruction of property. That's your best chance of recovering the value of the damages. Either way the friendship is done.

This

Cariadm · 25/05/2025 04:30

Largestlegocollectionever · 23/05/2025 07:53

I’d threaten her with police for criminal damage and small claims court if she doesn’t pay you back for new items.
Id also them delete block her and made sure I told mutual male friend and warned him!

I can understand most people would think that they would have some back up within the law but the reality is that the police will probably not do anything as there is no proof your 'friend' was the culprit and it simply isn't worth their time...
The most the OP could expect would be a crime number if she wanted to claim on her insurance but that isn't probably an option because of the relatively small amount in question and the small claims court isn't free either so again not worth it! 🙄

FairKoala · 25/05/2025 05:12

Hulabalu · 24/05/2025 19:56

I think this is OPs bunny boiler friend commenting here to gaslight further & cast doubt on OP

Show quote history

Well it does say

Just had a reply and quotes what bunny boilers friend had replied.

CanelliniBeans · 25/05/2025 05:26

@Ithappenedtome1Do you need to comment in that way? You sound eqgally as patronising and you’ve added nothing to the thread. Grrr!