Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

[WaterBed]

Apart from being desperate to crack the joke

“i really hope so - I only live at 55”

in all seriousness - I personally think it’s fine to be a Dad age 57 when your OH has a newborn. Any thoughts ?

I could be wrong, but I think the joke is:

”yes it’s fine for a man who lives at number 57 to have a child….because I live at number 55, so it’s not me” (as in, house numbers on a street, not ages).

But it still doesn’t quite work.

I could be wrong though

Some of it's just luck.

My late husband was very sporty, ran the London Marathon, various road races, did weightlifting, took up karate in his 50s. Suddenly, aged 63, took ill at the dojo where he trained.

It turned out that he had heart trouble. A bit of research showed that it ran in his mother's side of the family. (The men on that side all died in their 60s - uncles, grandfather...) A year later, he had a stent put in. Everything was fine...got his black belt.

Then the signs of angina reappeared. His doctor said that it was his age. Short story: aged 71, he needed open heart surgery. There were complications. He survived, but he was never quite the same. Two years later, he had a stroke which left him with hemiparesis.

My stepdaughter's partner kept himself fit - cycled everywhere. Aged 69, he dropped dead of a heart attack.

My DIL's brother was fifty something when he had a heart attack during a seniors' cycle race. He was resuscitated three times. Survived for a few years with brain damage.

I've known so many people who made it to 60 or 65 and retirement and then suffered from an acute illness just a couple of years later. It's wonderful when people do have a healthy later life, but the years can catch you up.

I'm not dictating that people shouldn't do as they please - I've outlined my experience in a previous post - just suggesting that you should hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

I'm now 65. I'm trying to keep fit but have had various health difficulties caused by my caring duties and the family osteoarthritis has sneaked up on me.

Ah, I see. So ‘yes it’s fine for a man at 57 to have a child….because at 55, it’s not me”

It’s a dad joke I guess. Maybe I was being grumpy 🤣

No this isn’t the joke.

The joke is I hope he’s happy to be a Dad at 57 because I only live at 55 and therefore it was no distance to go for sex.

I’ve badly adapted it from a Bob Monkhouse joke

Gross and selfish

In that case I’m still not getting it!

What was the original Bob Monkhouse joke?

Hearing you call your people in their early 60’s “old people” has made my blood run cold 🥴 😵‍💫

Bob Monkhkuse job went something like this;

My Doctor asked me how was sex at 73
i replied “ I live at 72, it’s no distance”

They are old people to me! Still working, active in sports, fully independent, etc btw but definitely can no longer be considered middle-aged.

Take no notice. It’s a minority opinion.

Is this aged father pulling his weight? I'd lay odds that the answer's no, or not much anyway, even if there's a monied background.

Although it’s wonderful be become a parent at any age. Sperm ages like the body, there are long term increased risks for the children . I had a much older dad and have developed a fault in my DNA, Dads should be young

So does HE actually want a baby?

the ageing was really disproportionate when they hit 60/early 60s. They seemed so normal and young and sprightly still in their 50s

People in their 60s and beyond are still "normal" - you'll find that out for yourself one day.

No. My dad was 58 when I was born. I’m now 35 and he’s been dead for years following suffering from Alzheimer’s and my mum (who is 30 years younger) caring for him. We never had anything in common and I think it was partly due to him being older and having grown up in a completely different world and obviously I then lost him quite young to Alzheimer’s.

My mum always says her top relationship tip is never to marry someone who is much older than you!

Tell that to Mick Jagger and Robert De Niro

Just depends on what your normal is. My dad had 4 grandchildren by the age of 53 having had his first grandchild at 47. So it obviously seems bonkers to me. The idea of an older dad retiring a few years early and being a homemaker / SAHP, around during the teen years when kids need you SO MUCH in the afternoon and evening, appeals to me though.

I'm mid 40s with a 13 year old. There's no way I'd want to go back to having a baby again now, let alone in 10 years time. It's not just the baby years, it's the expense of teen / university that I assume we'll be funding in my early 50s. Once dd is out of that I'd like to start winding down at work. The idea of having to continue earning at the rate I do now into my 70s feels crazy to me. Plus I can't wait for holidays during term time again!

This is what happened with my dad who was 50 when I was born. He was 12 years older than my mother. He retired when he was 60 and did all the cleaning and housework. Sadly he died aged 67.

What other term? WTF are you on about?
Is your partner 57 and you've just given birth?
Is your polyamorus DSIL pregnant with her GF but her DH is 57?

It’s so very variable, isn’t it. I have school friends who have grandchildren at secondary school! Meanwhile my older DH didn’t have children until mid-50s. For my own family, my grandparents were not far off 70 when I was born.

If it’s the right man/partner with the right attitude and enough financial stability it works brilliantly though. We’ve got the advantages of having a SAHP (someone always available in case of kid illness, no childcare costs) but without the problems (still have two incomes, no one is missing out on pension contributions and NI!). He’s probably fitter than I am as has the time to exercise during the day as well as doing the housework.

And parenting seems to get less physical the older the kids are. Babies and toddlers are a lot of lifting and carrying and more full on play. By the end of primary school it’s more about listening and being available, it feels like? Plus getting them to social events all over the place.

Their vast wealth and fame doesn’t impact on their idiocy.

I'd presume that you're going to be doing most of the childcare and parenting whilst your partner returns to work and that you have significant savings and pension provision to raise the child to 21 ( you'll only be 78). I'd also assume that you have no age related or health conditions that would prevent you from a full time parenting role and that you were active in parenting if you have prior children.
I'd also presume that as a mature sperm donor and an older mums eggs you went into this pregnancy fully aware of the potential risks to mother and child.

I'd say with no prior parenting experience and traditional expectations of the mother...that's not good for partnership and child.

My dad was 56 when he had another child. Died aged 71 when she was 15 during her exam year.
There's higher risk of mental health conditions and neuro conditions passed on by older fathers. Just cos they can doesn't mean they should.

It's too old. Even when people are having kids later. Dh was 40 when we started having ours and even that can feel a big gap at times. But at least they'll be earning their own money by the time he retires.