Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

[WaterBed]

Apart from being desperate to crack the joke

“i really hope so - I only live at 55”

in all seriousness - I personally think it’s fine to be a Dad age 57 when your OH has a newborn. Any thoughts ?

Not all of us are lucky to find someone young and then have great fertility and get pregnant quick. Should we have had no children?

It's weird the way men can't ever seem to find a willing woman to settle down with until the ones that are his age are no longer able. 🙄

So no, if it took him nearly 60 years to procreate, he shouldn't have a child that he can't physically look after or stay alive for.

If one of you is nearly 60 it’s probably best to accept that ship’s sailed.

Why not?

It’s certainly somethimg I thought about for myself. My own limit was 39yo and no baby after that.
A very good friend of mine had her dc much later, in her 40s. She is now a single parent of a 20 something, still at Uni. She is exhausted but doesn’t feel like she can either stop work or reduce her hours because dc isn’t independent yet. She’s had a few health issues on the way too. So basically she is finding it pretty hard.
Would she change things? Obviously not. Who would wish theur own child away now Theyre there? But she says herself she didn’t think it would be that hard.

Well you want a child from him so you are probably going to do it regardless. Therefore you should make sure you are married so you can inherit his pension.

A teen or a primary age child in your 50 isn’t the samecthan a newborn though.

And not everyone is lucky to be as fit as you are.

Yes. Just like women who have to accept its too late when they're 57, so should men.

It depends on the person I think, my dad is in his 60s and my kids are 7 and 9, he is a lovely grandad but really has limited energy for them, he's not particularly fit/well (nothing specific, aches and pains) so he has limited patience, can't keep up with active things. I think there's worst things than old, lots of unsuitable people have children but you have to know you're signing yourself and new baby up to a certain life, you probably won't be able to retire when you want, or do certain holidays, you're asking your child to lose their father earlier than most and potentially have to be responsible for care. It's probably not ideal, but if you're youthful, fit and know what you're signing up to, it's just taking all that it involves into account. Children are tiring! I wouldn't want to do it now I'm heading for 40, let alone 18 yrs time... Do you want to do it

It's not him who's pushing for it to be fair. For all we know the OP may have started the thread because he's saying he is too old.

My dad was 52 when I was born. He always did an amazing job despite aging health problems. He’s now in his 80s and only just gotten relatively sick. I’m married with kids now and everything tuned out just fine. Sometimes when he picked me up from school, teachers or children would say ‘your grandad is here!’. But it never bothered me.

Most people would be wanted free from the tether of responsibility- but you do you.

Look up the stats for the increased risk of issues in children with much older Fathers.

We met when he was 37.

To be fair I probably wouldn't start TTC my first with a man at 57. However men actually don't need to accept that as they can get women pregnant. Yes I am aware of the risks of miscarriage or autism but biologically they can.

Yes they do because as i already pointed out, sperm massively decreases in quality after 40, meaning more risk of miscarriage for the women and a far higher chance of disability for the baby - they are responsible for this and should take that seriously. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should - much like the woman who gave birth in her 70s.

What difference does that make?

I meant women at 57 can't get pregnant at all and so have to accept it whereas men can get women pregnant at 57 even if it takes longer and results in a bigger risk of miscarriage etc. If it is right or not to start trying at that age is another matter. They don't have to accept it if you get what I mean?

Depends on the man and your life situation.
Worked brilliantly for us - a lot of financial security as he’s older and therefore had more years to pay down mortgage. He took early retirement to be a SAHD and children really benefitted from the time spent being available, chatting, no trying to fit the schoolrun in around work, easier access to out of school clubs. Life experience made a big difference. All the insecurities of younger parents haven’t really been an issue because experienced perspective.

Being at different career stages helps too. It would be a lot harder if we were both trying to career build whilst juggling parenting.

It’s not unusual, there’s other children in the same classes with similarly aged fathers and I’ve never heard anyone comment.

'We had our child when I was 33 and my husband 45. Baby/toddler was fine. He’s 57 and now seems a right old fart to have a 12 year old. He’s tired, deaf and can’t be arsed with the things kids/teens are into. They have hardly any relationship as it is. A new baby at his age doesn’t bear thinking about!'

Too many generalisations.

I'm 60 and go running with my 10 year old and go swimming with him and DD 5. Plenty of people in their 20's are not fit enough to go running with a 10 year old

I'm not some super fit athlete, I am jogging now rather than sprinting round the track but its your mental attitude and willingness to play with the kids. I am the one dancing with the kids and playing with them. Of course my wife does other things with them we share it

Of course I had much more energy in my 20's and 30's through to 40's. But there is the other side. Back then I was training every day and would not have had the same amount of time for for my kids. Also I was going out most weekends to pubs and clubs. Now I just want to go out with my family

Perhaps it is because i never had kids before so everything was new. I felt like I had done everything I wanted to do with running, I did still coach 1 x per wk until 2nd child but having kids really gave me new enthusiasm. There were no places at cubs so I volunteered weekly so my DS could join.

Of course looking to the future I would rather be younger thinking if they get married etc to be there for them, but not everything in life is exactly how you would plan it

So on average it may be too old to have kids at that age but it depends on the individual. Back when I was 25 I could not have imagined and that's what is happening a lot on the comments here. People are making assumptions of how they will be later in life

One woman had an unplanned pregnancy at 57 but she was on HRT

It’s also very likely she used egg donation.

A teen or a primary age child in your 50 isn’t the samecthan a newborn though.

I was replying to the poster's comments about MN perception of older parents generally.

And not everyone is lucky to be as fit as you are.

Part luck but also ensuring you eat well, don't get fat and keep active.

Can being on HRT really mean you can get pregnant? You’d think egg donation would not be necessary if that was true.

@ukathleticscoach seeing that the health expectation is 60yo in the U.K., I’m going to say you are closer to the exception than the norm.

Of course, some people will still be fit agd mobile agd well at 60yo, and at 70yo. Hell Theres a woman still doing gymnastic competition in her 90s. But let’s not kid ourselves that it’s the norm and that all 60yo are well enough to run around a toddler all day long, everyday.
Being able to go running etc… is not a question if ‘mental attitude’. It’s pure luck and privilege.

Upthread I did say my dad lived to a ripe old age and was incredibly energetic. But also I do remember growing up and thinking that time would always be short with him and dreaded that he may die soon. Wasted worries as it turned out.