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Original poster

Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

524 replies

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 14:45

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

OP posts:
FarmGirl78 · 22/05/2025 17:06

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 16:02

Yeah that’s my point - we know when we are older it’s not something we’ll enjoy so I’m emphasising with many of the responses and seeing it from those perspectives x

Show quote history

Know when to stop digging. You're coming across as a judgemental, presumptious, ageist, judgemental (twice because it's VERY judgemental) self absorbed twit. Fuck you for assuming those of us with saggy bits shouldn't enjoy having comedy photos of our bodies or funny photos or novelty bikini bottoms once we're past the age of 40. It's usually men being so blindly ageist but you're doing a stunning job yourself. Apologising and saying you know very well that you too will feel that way one day is STILL assuming women are expected to feel a certain way about themselves. A negative way.

IberianBlackout · 22/05/2025 17:06

I think lecturing is pointless but I would have found the cheating disgusting and would probably have put me off too.

BeJollyEagle · 22/05/2025 17:06

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:09

The bikini bottoms weren’t my idea (although fairly standard for a hen somewhere sunny), I wasn’t involved in the organising beyond who to invite and where to go. However, my friend 1. was aware this was the plan prior to the trip and didn’t say then she’d be unwilling and 2. was parading round pool side in a thong bikini on the first day of the weekend so isn’t what I’d call shy!

Nothing to do with being shy, she might not want a photo on the internet forever of her body in a bikini. Also might not want her colleagues to see if she has them on social media. Why does she need a reason! Saying no is an answer.

Emmz1510 · 22/05/2025 17:07

Meh. Most of these issues aren’t worth bothering about. Some people just always moan- as long as you liked the meal and accommodation it doesn’t matter that she didn’t, don’t take it personally.
Your friend who had the fumble did behave badly, although it wasn’t on your moany friend to lecture her.
Pretty shitty to try to lecture someone who isn’t feeling body confident to pose in a skimpy bikini. So what if she knew about it before hand? Perhaps she was too shy to protest, or maybe she gained a pound or two or forgot to shave/wax and wasn’t feeling her best, maybe she was on her period or the bikini was less flattering than she thought.

I’d just leave it now.

TheAutumnCrow · 22/05/2025 17:07

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:52

I appreciate the bikini sentiment but we’re a bunch of late 20’s/early 30’s women. We’d probably have felt differently and not done it if we were middle aged and all saggy after multiple kids etc!

I feel like the point is being missed.

How charming.

Miyagi99 · 22/05/2025 17:10

outerspacepotato · 22/05/2025 14:48

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

I would have been out at the bottoms that spelled out a word too.

I would have worn them over my trousers.

Millie90 · 22/05/2025 17:10

FanofLeaves · 22/05/2025 14:52

YWBU about the bikini bottoms being used to spell out a word for a photo op.
You’d have got a flat no from me too! You can’t just be ‘body confident’ either on someone else’s say so even if you do know about the plan in advance.

Perhaps she’s just not great in organised group situations in general and just didn’t come across well because she was uncomfortable, it happens.

Edited

Oh for God's sake...it's only a photo. Who's going to come up to you and say "your arse looked fat in that picture". Hen dos would be far better without daft women creating nonsense drama!

SouthLondonMum22 · 22/05/2025 17:11

I would’ve been far more pissed off with the person who thought it was appropriate to cheat on your hen.

Differentforgirls · 22/05/2025 17:11

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:52

I appreciate the bikini sentiment but we’re a bunch of late 20’s/early 30’s women. We’d probably have felt differently and not done it if we were middle aged and all saggy after multiple kids etc!

I feel like the point is being missed.

😬

Ddakji · 22/05/2025 17:11

I’ve read the OP’s posts. Not sure why she’s getting so much grief about the whole bikini bottom thing. Whatever.

@KelH93 I would be inclined to not say anything. Who knows if she was having a bad weekend or what. She might come to you to apologise and explain. But for the moment I would leave it and let it fizzle itself out.

joliefolle · 22/05/2025 17:12

OP we don't know your friends so we can't say whether her behaviour was out of character or an exaggerated version of her worst points. If she's always that rude then tell her she crossed a line and that you are upset. But essentially it sounds like she was unhappy. If you want to maintain a friendship with her, I would stop moaning about her to the others who were on the trip and gently, in a one-to-one non-aggressive way, ask her if something is up, that she didn't seem to be very happy on the trip and you're wondering why and if there's something you could talk about. Why do you think she was such a pain?

mrsmiggins78 · 22/05/2025 17:12

Millie90 · 22/05/2025 17:10

Oh for God's sake...it's only a photo. Who's going to come up to you and say "your arse looked fat in that picture". Hen dos would be far better without daft women creating nonsense drama!

Show quote history

"daft women creating nonsense drama" - but what would we do with our afternoons without them? I'm loving this thread. Aren't we all?

CapitalAtRisk · 22/05/2025 17:12

Millie90 · 22/05/2025 17:10

Oh for God's sake...it's only a photo. Who's going to come up to you and say "your arse looked fat in that picture". Hen dos would be far better without daft women creating nonsense drama!

Show quote history

Hen dos would be far better with people creating nonsense events like arse pictures, and being unfaithful with strangers.

There, fixed that for you.

ExtraOnions · 22/05/2025 17:12

Having your arses plastered all over Instagram .. how crass. I bet whatever it was, it was Pink, and involved Diamanté …

Orangepeony · 22/05/2025 17:13

LittleBitofBread · 22/05/2025 16:56

I knew people would take the opportunity to be twats about the bikini bottoms thing.
The salient point, which people seem to be conveniently missing, is that she knew about it in advance.

The other salient point, raised by the OP, is that she was perfectly happy to wear a thong bikini by the pool.
Some people just sometimes take it upon themselves to be fun sponges, OP.

The salient point is she’s allowed to change her mind

The other salient point is that choosing to do one thing doesn’t not oblige anyone to do something different that they don’t want to do

WayneEyre · 22/05/2025 17:13

LittleBitofBread · 22/05/2025 16:56

I knew people would take the opportunity to be twats about the bikini bottoms thing.
The salient point, which people seem to be conveniently missing, is that she knew about it in advance.

The other salient point, raised by the OP, is that she was perfectly happy to wear a thong bikini by the pool.
Some people just sometimes take it upon themselves to be fun sponges, OP.

It's not salient that she's happy to wear bikinis.

That's different from wanting to photographed in one. That's a completely normal thing to be uncomfortable with.

ExtraOnions · 22/05/2025 17:13

Millie90 · 22/05/2025 17:10

Oh for God's sake...it's only a photo. Who's going to come up to you and say "your arse looked fat in that picture". Hen dos would be far better without daft women creating nonsense drama!

Show quote history

WOMEN .. Know your place !

zeibesaffron · 22/05/2025 17:14

You are very unreasonable about the bikini bottoms - I would not have sone that either. I am body conscious and certainly would not have wanted photos taken. Your criticism there is unfounded. The others you could say are unreasonable- your friend who had a moment with someone she met, she is an adult and that’s her choice - no need for anyone else to comment on that really. Let her live with the guilt!

Noodlehen · 22/05/2025 17:15

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 16:50

It would help to read all my posts - I meant no offence and know that will also be me one day!

Show quote history

You sound awful, your slaggy friend sharing a bed with a man who’s not her partner after a few drinks on holiday (and calling it a fumble) sounds awful.

firmly in your friends corner, she probably realised the type of people she was away with whilst on holiday and checked out.

Original poster
KelH93 · 22/05/2025 17:16

endofthecorridoor · 22/05/2025 16:53

And what was the restaurant? My friend just went to a thing at gary linakers brothers place and they all had to pay hundreds for a bottle of vodka. The whole thing sounds insufferable to me. But tbf I would just not have gone.

That sounds like ocean beach in Ibiza, we didn’t go there and it’s not my idea of fun either!

funnily enough the resort we went to I believe had a bar to do with him, but we steered clear of that too!

OP posts:
Bepo77 · 22/05/2025 17:16

In fairness if it’s a whole bunch of women having pictures of their bums taken from behind, how would anyone know (or care) who’s who?

LaaLaaLady · 22/05/2025 17:16

Surprised that 72% at present think you're unreasonable. I voted not unreasonable.

Let's put the bikini thing aside, doesn't matter what age, we all have our off days.

But this was a once in a lifetime trip for you, full of excitement. For someone to bring it down is really unpleasant. I'd check in and ask if she was ok, maybe point out she didn't seem herself on the trip and go from there.

I hope overall you managed to have a great time!

Noodlehen · 22/05/2025 17:16

And FWIW, we’re around the same age, and so it’s not that I’m seeing it from an older point of view, or I’m saggy or whatever word you used.

Original poster
KelH93 · 22/05/2025 17:17

Noodlehen · 22/05/2025 17:15

You sound awful, your slaggy friend sharing a bed with a man who’s not her partner after a few drinks on holiday (and calling it a fumble) sounds awful.

firmly in your friends corner, she probably realised the type of people she was away with whilst on holiday and checked out.

Show quote history

I thought we left calling women slags for having partners in the last decade, I guess I was wrong 🙄

OP posts:
Pelicanos · 22/05/2025 17:17

I would just move on OP. She was obviously in a mood about something but that doesn’t excuse her trying to bring everyone else down and ruin your special occasion. Speaking to her about it will simply empower her and teach her that sulking, whinging,
complaining and lecturing are actually successful ways of her getting attention.

The ‘fumbler’s’ behaviour is no one else’s business but their own.

Also, your friend agreed to the bikini bottom activity and said nothing when she had the opportunity. Lacked the confidence to back out before you went, but confident enough to cause a problem by refusing to take part when it actually came to it, thereby affecting everyone else’s fun.