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AIBU?

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Original poster

Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

524 replies

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 14:45

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

OP posts:
Boohoolol · 22/05/2025 17:17

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:52

I appreciate the bikini sentiment but we’re a bunch of late 20’s/early 30’s women. We’d probably have felt differently and not done it if we were middle aged and all saggy after multiple kids etc!

I feel like the point is being missed.

Oh bloody hell. I was a wee fattie long before having a child. And there are plenty of women who are fit as fuck after having kids!

CapitalAtRisk · 22/05/2025 17:18

LaaLaaLady · 22/05/2025 17:16

Surprised that 72% at present think you're unreasonable. I voted not unreasonable.

Let's put the bikini thing aside, doesn't matter what age, we all have our off days.

But this was a once in a lifetime trip for you, full of excitement. For someone to bring it down is really unpleasant. I'd check in and ask if she was ok, maybe point out she didn't seem herself on the trip and go from there.

I hope overall you managed to have a great time!

I assume you're talking about the OP's friend who got so drunk that she took a stranger to bed with her? And then felt awful and ropey the next day?

Noodlehen · 22/05/2025 17:18

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 17:17

I thought we left calling women slags for having partners in the last decade, I guess I was wrong 🙄

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She’s not a slag for having a partner don’t be ridiculous she’s a slag for cheating on him.

LaaLaaLady · 22/05/2025 17:20

Noodlehen · 22/05/2025 17:15

You sound awful, your slaggy friend sharing a bed with a man who’s not her partner after a few drinks on holiday (and calling it a fumble) sounds awful.

firmly in your friends corner, she probably realised the type of people she was away with whilst on holiday and checked out.

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Yikes. What does that have to do with OP? Why ruin someones (hopefully) only hen do over an attendees 'slaggy' behaviour? Ps. We don't slut shame women in 2025.

Original poster
KelH93 · 22/05/2025 17:20

ExtraOnions · 22/05/2025 17:12

Having your arses plastered all over Instagram .. how crass. I bet whatever it was, it was Pink, and involved Diamanté …

Ha! Pink - no. Diamanté- maybe…

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 22/05/2025 17:21

"-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen)."

That's really tacky so I'm with her on that.

Boomer55 · 22/05/2025 17:21

Dinosweetpea · 22/05/2025 15:02

This.
I'm on her side with the cheating and bikini bottoms - no wonder she wasn't in the best mood!

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It just sounds like a typical tacky hen do. 🙄

CapitalAtRisk · 22/05/2025 17:21

LaaLaaLady · 22/05/2025 17:20

Yikes. What does that have to do with OP? Why ruin someones (hopefully) only hen do over an attendees 'slaggy' behaviour? Ps. We don't slut shame women in 2025.

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Because OP seems far more upset about a friend who made a few off comments about the hotel and food, than about the one who slept with a stranger which is going to require everyone to lie to her partner when they see him.

MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast · 22/05/2025 17:22

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:09

The bikini bottoms weren’t my idea (although fairly standard for a hen somewhere sunny), I wasn’t involved in the organising beyond who to invite and where to go. However, my friend 1. was aware this was the plan prior to the trip and didn’t say then she’d be unwilling and 2. was parading round pool side in a thong bikini on the first day of the weekend so isn’t what I’d call shy!

Why do you (or your friend whatever) want that picture? I already know the answer - social media.

That is very different to wearing a bikini at a pool at the time.

You are being very unreasonable and insensitive.

HornyHornersPinkyWinky · 22/05/2025 17:22

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 17:17

I thought we left calling women slags for having partners in the last decade, I guess I was wrong 🙄

Show quote history

But it’s fine to call them middle aged and saggy…got it.

mrsmiggins78 · 22/05/2025 17:23

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 17:17

I thought we left calling women slags for having partners in the last decade, I guess I was wrong 🙄

Show quote history

What would you call it if your fiancé did it?

LadyTable · 22/05/2025 17:23

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:09

The bikini bottoms weren’t my idea (although fairly standard for a hen somewhere sunny), I wasn’t involved in the organising beyond who to invite and where to go. However, my friend 1. was aware this was the plan prior to the trip and didn’t say then she’d be unwilling and 2. was parading round pool side in a thong bikini on the first day of the weekend so isn’t what I’d call shy!

Really though, parading in a thong you say?

YABU about the bikini thing (despite the drip feed) and the 'fumble'.

She was within her rights to say what she liked about both of those things.

LittleBitofBread · 22/05/2025 17:23

WayneEyre · 22/05/2025 17:13

It's not salient that she's happy to wear bikinis.

That's different from wanting to photographed in one. That's a completely normal thing to be uncomfortable with.

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She knew about the photo Hmm

Espressosummer · 22/05/2025 17:24

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 17:17

I thought we left calling women slags for having partners in the last decade, I guess I was wrong 🙄

Show quote history

I think it was more the shagging another bloke behind her partner's back that the previous poster was criticising, not the having sex with a man.
Interesting how you keep downplaying your friend's cheating. Does your fiance know you think having a one night stand is no big deal?

bnmshortcut · 22/05/2025 17:24

I’m in my 20’s, have had multiple kids but I’m not ‘all saggy’ and would HATE to do a bikini bottom photo. I do understand that it’s annoying because she had agreed to it but I also think it’s fine to not feel comfortable doing something like that on the day. I also wouldn’t personally tell someone I didn’t know very well off for cheating, but I wouldn’t be very happy with it and would judge.

I think you should just accept that you’re clearly quite different people and get on with it.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 22/05/2025 17:24

Maybe she didn’t realise the hen do would be as tacky as it was? And cheating on your partner with a stranger on holiday makes you a slag in any decade fyi, being a woman doesn’t excuse her. I’d just chalk it up to experience and not holiday with her again. Wonder if your other friend will still have a partner by the time you get to your wedding.

LaaLaaLady · 22/05/2025 17:25

CapitalAtRisk · 22/05/2025 17:18

I assume you're talking about the OP's friend who got so drunk that she took a stranger to bed with her? And then felt awful and ropey the next day?

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What does her friends decisions have a drunken fumble have to do with OP, or the woman who negatively affected the trip? If the negative friend had an issue with the fumble, why couldn't she confront the fumbling women privately?

If it was your hen do, would you appreciate having the someone behave negatively the whole time?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 22/05/2025 17:25

Also some women are saggy in their 20s pre kids, many are not saggy in their 30s after a couple of kids. And there’s a difference between wearing a bikini on holiday, and having it in a photo on social media forever.

LittleArithmetics · 22/05/2025 17:26

I'm sufficiently arse-confident to do the pic. I just couldn't cope with the incredible tackiness of it.

LittleBitofBread · 22/05/2025 17:26

Emmz1510 · 22/05/2025 17:07

Meh. Most of these issues aren’t worth bothering about. Some people just always moan- as long as you liked the meal and accommodation it doesn’t matter that she didn’t, don’t take it personally.
Your friend who had the fumble did behave badly, although it wasn’t on your moany friend to lecture her.
Pretty shitty to try to lecture someone who isn’t feeling body confident to pose in a skimpy bikini. So what if she knew about it before hand? Perhaps she was too shy to protest, or maybe she gained a pound or two or forgot to shave/wax and wasn’t feeling her best, maybe she was on her period or the bikini was less flattering than she thought.

I’d just leave it now.

Some people just always moan- as long as you liked the meal and accommodation it doesn’t matter that she didn’t, don’t take it personally.

It might not matter that she didn't like it, but it's really classless and rude to make clear to your companions that you're not enjoying the dinner or whatever. I've been to many restaurants and cafes and things at the invitation of family and friends and had things to eat and drink that I thought were rubbish or just not great. I wouldn't dream of sitting with a face like a cat's arse, voicing my dislike of them, especially when it was someone else's party or event.

Suzzled · 22/05/2025 17:28

She probably had a realisation how tacky the whole thing was. Even if I had a super pert bum, I would not want the photo being shown anywhere on social media. Because you just know it would lead to people somewhere comparing all the different bottoms, and I really am not up for that...

The complaining about food and the hotel is irritating and whiney. The bikini photo, I am on her side.

lifeonmars100 · 22/05/2025 17:28

Reading about these sorts of hen dos makes me glad I am old, all we used to do was go into town, have a few drinks, go for a meal, have some more drinks and then on to a club for more drinks and dancing. It was fun and belive it or not memorable despite not being abroad in a posh hotel No bikini bottoms (perish the thought) spelling out a word. However I am dying to find out what the word is!

Espressosummer · 22/05/2025 17:29

LaaLaaLady · 22/05/2025 17:25

What does her friends decisions have a drunken fumble have to do with OP, or the woman who negatively affected the trip? If the negative friend had an issue with the fumble, why couldn't she confront the fumbling women privately?

If it was your hen do, would you appreciate having the someone behave negatively the whole time?

Show quote history

What I wouldn't appreciate would be a friend bringing a random bloke back to shared accommodation for a shag, especially when that friend has a partner. I don't want to be forced to cover up for someone who turns into such a skank when drunk.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/05/2025 17:29

bnmshortcut · 22/05/2025 17:24

I’m in my 20’s, have had multiple kids but I’m not ‘all saggy’ and would HATE to do a bikini bottom photo. I do understand that it’s annoying because she had agreed to it but I also think it’s fine to not feel comfortable doing something like that on the day. I also wouldn’t personally tell someone I didn’t know very well off for cheating, but I wouldn’t be very happy with it and would judge.

I think you should just accept that you’re clearly quite different people and get on with it.

DID she agree to it? Sounds like she just didn't object in the WhatsApp group. That's not the same as agreeing.

Vse500 · 22/05/2025 17:30

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:59

Yeah it comes with the territory really doesnt it! And everyone’s modesty would have been covered, they weren’t tiny or anything x

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Thing about body confidence is it ebbs and flows. Just because she said yes in a group chat doesn’t mean the way she felt about herself hadn’t changed when it actually came to it. You’re massively unreasonable.