Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

[KelH93]

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

Fuck me, you really don’t get it do you 🤣

Not unreasonable being annoyed about her mood and her moaning, but TOTALLY unreasonable expecting her to wear something she felt uncomfortable in just for your photo

Well if OP’s oh does similar on his stag his friends should all mind their own business as that seems to be the code to stand by.

Friend is being unreasonable complaining about the hotel and restaurant.

Friend is not being unreasonable calling out drunken cheating behaviour or refusing to be part of a loserish Instagram post.

This.

In my mid 20s I wouldn't have wanted to do this photo.

Now I am middle aged with 2 kids and actually my bum is ok. I wear a bikini happily on holiday (albeit a high waisted one) but I do not want photos in it, of my bum or not.

Your friend sounds like she probably didn't want to be there but your comment was really rude, especially on a site full of women who have had children.

And what was the restaurant? My friend just went to a thing at gary linakers brothers place and they all had to pay hundreds for a bottle of vodka. The whole thing sounds insufferable to me. But tbf I would just not have gone.

You can't say something offensive then say, Oh, didn't mean to offend.
Jesus.
It really does sound like the shit show was inevitable.
Lesson learned, I hope.

The comments are interesting on the bit about the fumbler, can you imagine if this was a stag and a married man had a fumble with the knowledge of all his mates, the comments would be very different

Or the OP's fiancé on his stag do...

I knew people would take the opportunity to be twats about the bikini bottoms thing.
The salient point, which people seem to be conveniently missing, is that she knew about it in advance.

The other salient point, raised by the OP, is that she was perfectly happy to wear a thong bikini by the pool.
Some people just sometimes take it upon themselves to be fun sponges, OP.

The moaning about hotel and restaurant sounds annoying but some people are just fussy. Your friend wnbu to have an opinion on someone cheating and is perfectly within her rights to say no to the bikini pic

How many bikini bottoms does it take to spell BRIDEZILLA?

I couldn’t care less if someone had a fumble when they’re away. I also don’t care about inflatable penises.

But the bikini bottoms I’d hate.

I don’t think she’s unreasonable for refusing to do that.

I was surprised a bedroom was involved for a ‘fumble’. I thought it was maybe a snoggy slow dance at a club or something (still wrong though). Fumble seems to be playing it down somewhat.

Your definition of ‘fumble’ appears to be a lot different to mine and probably your friend’s too.

Well it’s her opinion if she thought the hotel and restaurant were crap, we don’t know as we weren’t there. You could all have low standard? Or hers high. Your friend that has a drunken fumble and who was in a relationship does sound unhappy. She cheated, I don’t understand the problem? Bikini bottom pictures? Urgh whole thing sounds like a nightmare, I would have be moaning too

OP thinks everyone who is responding is fat, over 50 and wrinkly with a saggy arse. I get it now.

I still think friend was out of order for agreeing to do something that she would've known requires ALL members to partake for it to work, and then dropping out once organised. That is poor behaviour regardless of what the something was, and would have upset people.
Speak up at the time of organisation and the spelling could've been amended.But don't be a bratty child and cause upset for everyone else.

I am not saying it is something I would like to do (although I also don't think it is such a big deal to cause horror in a lot of people), and I am early forties with a size 8 bum and a very athletic body from decades of exercise. Not the stereotype OP seems to have in mind.

Oh, so now you're asking for the understanding and forgiveness about a bad joke that you're not willing to give your friend?

I don't like this either.

She may have had more expensive taste and/or a more sophisticated planet, but have a bit of class and don't ruin the enjoyment for others. There isn't just you at the restaurant. Nothing worse than someone sitting their moaning and snobbily wrinkling up their nose at the 'Non U' food on offer. Get something small and eat later if you must but it isn't nice to drag other's mood down because 'me me me'.

So the cheater friend is an adult who should be left to it and make her own choices but someone who whinges a bit should be called out on their behaviour...

I agree

People shouldn't condone cheating

By my reckoning, five. One letter per arse cheek.

Your friend sounded like she didn’t want to be there, she was trying to bring the mood down and talking negatively about marriage to you on your Hen do! She didn’t want her pic taken because she didn’t want to join in or have any fun. That’s awful @KelH93 I hope she didn’t manage to spoil the weekend. Instead of having fun she tried to make it all about her.

She probably wasn't shy in a bikini but it's a whole different scenario if you are having a photo taken with others knowing it's going to be shared with goodness knows who

Where was the hen do?