Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

[KelH93]

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

I would have objected to the bikini thing too!
But, otherwise, she was a bit grumpy..... not ideal, but you can't change anything now.

Just rise above it, say nothing and look forward to your wedding - life's too short to make a fuss about this stuff, and what would you achieve? Absolutely nothing.

@Doingtheboxerbeat Yes I thought it must be a wind up too. It sounds like my worst kind of nightmare hen.

Can I ask where you went?

Also was it a fumble or a proper night of shagging?

I can assure you there was not an inflatable penis in sight! Urgh, my worst nightmare I think 😂

Oh, go on, OP. Give us the bottom line. What's the word?

One of your friends cheated on her partner and you're worried she may feel uncomfortable because you're other friend rightly condemned it...?

I wouldn't get too wound up your friend had her expectations as did you. You can't please everyone. My hen night was a shit show but that was 30 years ago lots of water under the bridge now.

You really think it’s that we’re all old and saggy that we wouldn’t participate. Rather than not wanting a bunch of pervy blokes ranking them, or wanking over them? Or a future employer seeing it.

My apologies then and good luck

YAVBU about the bikini bottoms -tacky!

But everything else, YANBU. Talk to her. Ask what the issue was

This. Batshit crazy OP, sorry.

I’m glad someone called the Cheater out. No excuses.

The thought of baring my bottom in a line up made me laugh.

If she's a good friend, overlook it.

It did make me think if I had a hen do I'd just want a night in a hotel by the beach and everyone could either socialise or relax and eat nice food.

Yes, I would have spent the entire hen weekend in floods of tears because the hen who was to have been the B in BRIDE refused to put her arse in a photo.

I like my bum and will happily wear a bikini, but I sure as hell would not want a picture of my bum posting online either!! So tacky.

As for the friend cheating, I wouldn't be impressed by that either, don't dress it down as 'a drunken fumble' , cheating is cheating.

The moaning about the hotel and restaurant would have annoyed me, but I think you are being a little unreasonable about the 2 points above.

What is your overall point that you'd be making, OP?

To me, her behaviour seems to break down as three parts:

1. Genuinely uncomfortable - bikini bottoms and fumblegate

2. mardiness- accommodation and restaurant

3. Socially inept - cracks about your sex life after they'd stopped being funny

I think a lot comes under the wider umbrella of socially inept, so continued 3 in a group setting and making it a tedious instead of just getting on with any small perceived issues.

I see her point with the bikini. I'm happy with my body but there have been times in my life where I would not have been comfortable photographed in a row of arses for everyone to see. maybe an option of bikikis or printed sarongs would have been a better choice. I think that was a diplomacy fail. The fact that one person was unconfortable is enough, doesn't matter who. Not the end of the world, but I don't think it was on her.

Fumblegate, well it wasn't really her business but the other doesn't really have a left to stand on.

3, the bad jokes, I know it was annoying but I think file under 'don't go on holiday with her again'. They weren't offensive, she was just trying to fit in and failing. The time to stop it was then.

I think on balance move on. She wasn't easy company but there weren't any clear cut, solid crimes. Some people just don't travel well with others.

Same. Fucking batshit.

I've yet to see a post about an away hen do that was amazing. It's always drama.

...wowwwwwww.

I got married at 26 and I wouldn't have done the bikini thing on my hen. Partially because forcing other people to wear swimwear of your choice is weird AF. But mostly because it's unbelievably cringe.

Oh, I would so love to hear her side!

Have you not heard that when you are in a hole it’s best to stop digging?

”…middle aged and all saggy after multiple kids etc!”

I hope you are planning to take some lessons on tolerance and tact…

On behalf of saggy, middle-aged women everywhere: ouch.

It would help to read all my posts - I meant no offence and know that will also be me one day!

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Not sure why you'd bother to get a room for a mere 'fumble'. There was definitely shagging!