Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

[KelH93]

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

sounds like it was a all a bit wilder than she was comfortable with and just not her pace. Also, if she is a bit of an introvert it can be exhausting trying to ‘be nice and energetic’ without the space to escape and recharge.

on the food etc, that is crappy. I did wonder if there is something a bit neurodivergent that she just can’t filter herself in a social situation or read the room. Is she always like this?

If she is an otherwise good friend I would chalk it up to a clash of personalities and expectations whilst away and leave it at that.

"We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen)"

This can't be real, right? 😂Are you 12?

There's no need to keep hammering the OP with insults btw.

I am imagining one of those cafe signs where some of the letters have fallen off…

I agree - she could have been like “actually I don’t want to be associated with this” and that’s why she backed out.

FWIW OP I don’t think the photo thing is inherently terrible, it’s just a silly hen do photo.

I think my bum is actually a lot firmer now than when I was 20. I had the firmness of the youth, but I exercise a lot more now - I don't spend that much time partying and drinking, so I have more time

Rounder bums were not as fashionable until recently either.

I'm guessing youd be absolutely fine with your partner having a drunken fumble with someone else?

She shouldn't have been so negative about some of the other stuff, but the friend getting with someone else and the photo I can absolutely understand where she's coming from

Cringing at the bikini bottoms idea and not surprised she wasn’t up for that. Also not surprised she was shocked by another friend cheating on their partner and called them out on it. The rest is bad behaviour on her part but not anything I would lose sleep over.

What do you mean by fumble then?

I presume it was some kind of political message on the bikini photo that she objected to. It would be hard to think of any other reason she wouldn't want to be included in this type of photo 😂. Did you get prior approval for the message that was being displayed. We're the words of equal length or was the capacity for longer words assessed before and choices made. I think these could have been the issues that upset your friend.

Most PPs are disagreeing, not insulting.

Did the arses spell out R E F O R M

Nowt to do with body confidence re:bikini bottoms. People are allowed to change their mind and say NO. We live in a few country.

She does sound a bit of a moaner about the hotel and restaurant but it's not worth bothering bringing this up. She was quite within her rights to refuse to take part in the bikini bottoms thing.

In the immortal words of Elsa.. Let it Go.. don't bring it up... just chalk it up to life experiences and move on. She may not be as close a friend in the future.. but life goes on..

She hasn’t said she’d been fine with being cheated on or that she was fine with her friend cheating but her friend is a bloody adult with her own free will. Besides telling her she’s out of order, what is OP supposed to do about someone else’s choices?

The moany friend should also keep out of it as it’s nothing to do with her. It’s one thing telling her how wrong it was once, it’s another to keep repeatedly bringing it up and lecturing a grown woman whom she isn’t even especially close with. I don’t know why she thinks it’s her moral obligation to drum it in. She needs to learn to mind her own business a bit more. Life is much better when people keep out of things that don’t concern them.

You're literally downplaying it in that reply. A fumble is cheating and absolutely appalling behaviour.

No man came back to your friend's hotel room for just a kiss. Don't be so naive. They definitely engaged in some form of sex act.

True. And you could have used a stunt bum!!

As in stop cheating and reform yourself before you get married. 🤔

The more you type, the worse it gets.
Id have also been a bit grumpy on this trip tbh, you should like an unpleasant immature person.
cheating sucks and only losers do it.

But so what? Unless my friend was seeking my advice or crying on my shoulder about a drunken transgression with another man I’d assume she knew what she was doing and it’s now her problem to reconcile her own feelings with going forward. How other people conduct themselves in their own relationships is just not my business and is separate to our friendship to unless they seek me out to make it otherwise and ask for my honest thoughts. I wouldn’t get all Aunt Lydia on her and create an atmosphere by judging her and making her feel worse. And if I didn’t even know the woman involved and had only met her on a hen do I happened to be on I’d have even less cause to pass comment.

Sounds awful. I'm with the friend.

Maybe her personality doesn’t fit with you/other friends? The bikini bottoms and person cheating on their partner all sound a bit too messy so she was likely uncomfortable/not enjoying her time there. If she’s a close friend and you want to stay friends then move on and maybe not invite her to this type of thing again.

This.