Page 12 | Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

Dramatic · 22/05/2025 17:40

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:45

Yeah, that’s mine and others’ theory on it. I’ve seen how it was proposed in the chat and it was very much a ‘if anyone’s uncomfortable with it don’t worry and just say’, so I suspect she knew what she was doing.

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Yeah that makes her unreasonable, if it had been sprung on her last minute then she had every right to say no but if she had the chance to say no in advance but didn't it just seems like she was trying to ruin it for you.

YANBU about any of it imo. The cheating isn't ideal but it's not something I'd be lecturing someone on, probably silently judging but I wouldn't want to sour the mood, same with the food/hotel. I'm notoriously fussy when it comes to food but I'd never moan about where we were eating, I'd order something plain and get on with it

SwanOfThoseThings · 22/05/2025 17:40

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)
-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

She's obviously a bit of a moaner - some people are. It's tedious but there are worse traits in a friend.

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

She's not wrong here - was she supposed to egg her on in her cheating? If it was your fiance on a stag do who'd had a fumble, how would you feel about a friend of his saying it was OK or ignoring it? Well done to her for speaking up - disgusting behaviour by the fumbling friend.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

This sounds tedious - I could understand it as a lighthearted joke, but not if she was serious and kept going on about it.

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

Difficult to judge without knowing what was said about it before. It would be embarrassing at any stage to admit you didn't feel you looked good enough to do this; perhaps she hoped she'd have the confidence but when it came to it, she didn't. The photo would presumably be plastered all over social media, so it's a bit different from wearing a bikini by the pool somewhere no one knows you. I certainly wouldn't want my saggy, flat arse on a bum-focused photo next to lots of nice pert bums.

Summary - she might have been a bit of a pain at times, but I don't think she's done anything that is a friendship dealbreaker.

WhoAteTheLastBrownie · 22/05/2025 17:43

We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo
...Nah, not going to happen...

Theroadt · 22/05/2025 17:43

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 16:50

It would help to read all my posts - I meant no offence and know that will also be me one day!

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You’re rather missing the point about what was off about your comment, actually.

CalicoPusscat · 22/05/2025 17:44

I have some scars on my stomach so wouldn't get into a bikini, but would have said at first mention.

I do however have a cut out swimsuit that looks like a bikini from the back. Unless they were a different colour than black?

Donttellempike · 22/05/2025 17:46

Was the word Chavtastic?

thetrumanshow · 22/05/2025 17:46

Reading the OP's updates, I would love to know the friend's side of the story. I bet it's not as black and white as the OP is describing.

Teanbiscuits33 · 22/05/2025 17:46

I’m not really understanding why posters are making out it’s either:

OP’s business about who her friend sleeps with (she shouldn’t have cheated but she’s an adult with free will!) or
any of the moaning friends business enough to feel she needs to repeatedly lecture a grown woman about her misdemeanours when they aren’t even close!

If my friend got off with someone on a night out when she wasn’t single then YES, I’d tell her it was out of order but at the end of the day it’s none of my bloody business and I couldn’t muster the energy to concern myself with another adult’s life choices. I don’t know why the other friend felt like she had to keep bringing it up for.

I understand totally why she wasn’t willing to do the bikini photo, even if she agreed before you went, but the other things just reek of envy to me. Telling you that you won’t have a sex life again because you’re married, keeping on about your friend cheating and general moaning about the accommodation and food. Just seems like she’s trying to put a downer on everything and stick her nose in because she’s miserable.

housethatbuiltme · 22/05/2025 17:48

I probably wouldn't go on about it but I would be bloody uncomfortable on a hen do where people are cheating on their partners and I would not enjoy the hen do. When I am uncomfortable like that I shut down and do not join in with those making me uncomfortable which is pretty normal I would say. I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with them ongoing.

It says a lot about who they are as a person and also the people who seemingly think that its fine and gloss over it. Especially if they also think that someone not wanting to wear a bikini and have their arse photographed when they are uncomfortable and have said no (its THEIR body) isn't ok but cheating is just a 'drunk fumble' probably have some bizarre morals.

Anonymouslyew · 22/05/2025 17:48

What a tacky weekend, was it in benidorm? Sounds dreadful. I’m with your friend.

SnoopyPajamas · 22/05/2025 17:50

CapitalAtRisk · 22/05/2025 17:21

Because OP seems far more upset about a friend who made a few off comments about the hotel and food, than about the one who slept with a stranger which is going to require everyone to lie to her partner when they see him.

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Yes. It's odd that OP is going out of her way to excuse the poor behaviour of one friend, while every little thing the other one did is being dissected to shreds. Cheating is okay when Friend A does it because it's a "fumble" and not full sex, but Friend B is shamed for "parading around in a thong bikini". Friend A has created a situation where everyone is going to have to lie to her partner about what she did, and that's excused because she's hungover and "feeling sorry for herself". But Friend B is unhappy she can't find much to eat at a restaurant and she's accused of "moaning" and ruining it for everyone.

The double standard is strange and obvious. I suspect OP has issues with this friend that aren't really to do with how she behaved at the hen. I wonder if they're childhood friends who have outgrown each other? Or she's a member of DH-to-be's family and not quite a "friend"? Something like that.

Ponderingwindow · 22/05/2025 17:51

I’d be really curious to see the other side of this.

I’m wondering if we would find that the 4-star rooms were over-populated to save money and that a celiac was taken to a restaurant where the only thing she could order was a plate of lettuce.

JIMER202 · 22/05/2025 17:51

You lost me at the cheating and bikini bottoms. I’d say no to both and be deeply uncomfortable too. WTF is a fumble, don’t downplay cheating.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 22/05/2025 17:51

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:52

I appreciate the bikini sentiment but we’re a bunch of late 20’s/early 30’s women. We’d probably have felt differently and not done it if we were middle aged and all saggy after multiple kids etc!

I feel like the point is being missed.

I was with you until this.

Moonlightexpress · 22/05/2025 17:53

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:52

I appreciate the bikini sentiment but we’re a bunch of late 20’s/early 30’s women. We’d probably have felt differently and not done it if we were middle aged and all saggy after multiple kids etc!

I feel like the point is being missed.

I'm not saggy at middle age but thanks for the shout out 🤣

Summerlovin24 · 22/05/2025 17:53

She sounds like a pain in the arse to be honest. Moaning about the food. Moaning about hotel. Being judgey about others decisions. Lecturing the bride to be
I'd leave it but just don't go away for another weekend with her...EVER
You see people's true colours when you spend 2 days together. She's a fusspot about food and gote. Yawn. Just crack on. Enjoy the hen party and shut up

JIMER202 · 22/05/2025 17:54

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:09

The bikini bottoms weren’t my idea (although fairly standard for a hen somewhere sunny), I wasn’t involved in the organising beyond who to invite and where to go. However, my friend 1. was aware this was the plan prior to the trip and didn’t say then she’d be unwilling and 2. was parading round pool side in a thong bikini on the first day of the weekend so isn’t what I’d call shy!

But the stupid idea of spelling out a word is so you can take a photo and post it online. WTF would she want her arse all over social media.

JIMER202 · 22/05/2025 17:55

All saggy after multiple kids? Go fuck yourself 😆 most mid 30s I know have had ‘multiple kids’ so your group must be an outlier there

CandyCane457 · 22/05/2025 17:56

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 14:45

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

I’d be upset too!

Moaning about the restaurant, pointlessly telling you you’re going to lose your sex life, moaning about the accommodation… so bloody rude!

Im even with you on the bikini bottoms pic. She should’ve said no from the off and let the rest of you have your fun with it, instead of agreeing and then backing out. That, teamed with her constant moaning, just comes across like she refused to be I it just to be petulant.

Menapausemum1974 · 22/05/2025 17:57

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 16:50

It would help to read all my posts - I meant no offence and know that will also be me one day!

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@KelH93 well at 50 i am far more likely to do this now than at 20. Just don't give a shit now! 🤣🤣

LazyDays23 · 22/05/2025 17:57

thetrumanshow · 22/05/2025 17:46

Reading the OP's updates, I would love to know the friend's side of the story. I bet it's not as black and white as the OP is describing.

Same. The more OP comments the more I’m thinking her friend had good reason to have moaned so much.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 22/05/2025 17:59

Yabu to expect your friends to pose in bikini bottoms for a photo that will no doubt be posted on everyone’s (the body confident ones’, at least) social media accounts to be seen by hundreds if not thousands of people.

housethatbuiltme · 22/05/2025 18:00

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:52

I appreciate the bikini sentiment but we’re a bunch of late 20’s/early 30’s women. We’d probably have felt differently and not done it if we were middle aged and all saggy after multiple kids etc!

I feel like the point is being missed.

I was young and worked in beauty photography and appeared in magazines, art work and shows much younger than late 20s and back when you could bounce a penny of any inch of me... I still wouldn't have posed ass first for a photo, I HATE being shot from behind, its very violating and we had rules on photographers being allowed to do that with models.

Nothing to do with body type, its hyper sexual, uncomfortable and in modelling can be termed 'level pushing' which is serious.

People shouldn't be put in the position of having to publicly disagree with an idea like that in the first place.

Your comment on her wearing thongs is also wildly different. Existing and being permanently immortalized in something you have no control of is not the same. You might have sex with a man totally concentually but if he then videos it and shows it on facebook etc... its NOT the same.

Notabikerchick · 22/05/2025 18:02

Sounds like your friend was too classy for such a tacky hen do.

pictoosh · 22/05/2025 18:03

Those who say she had the chance to decline the photo before it was organised...mmm nah. You're allowed to change your mind about something like that I think.
I too would like to hear the friend's pov...perhaps there was more to it than her sour killjoy vibes.
Maybe they were all a bit of a rabble and what with the fumbling and whatnot, she lost enthusiasm for joining in with it. Who knows?