Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

[KelH93]

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

Maybe she thought it was just a bit of banter/fun talking - because who on earthy would even dream up of the idea!

And even if at the time she did say she was up for it, it is never OK for someone to be forced to do something like that. Honestly.

Well, object in advance (whether in a group or quietly to an individual) or forever hold your peace, I think. It's certainly not okay to make a thing about it on the day.

Anyway, how did the bum photo work out? Was there a word missing? Did you have to get a waitress to pose as a substitute? I need to know!

"I wouldn't dream of sitting with a face like a cat's arse, voicing my dislike of them, especially when it was someone else's party or event."

Yes, if an older family member is treating you, you don't say anything, but usually people pay for themselves at hen nights, don't they? I think they have a right to point out if they're not getting what they paid for.

Nah, it's the kind of thing that requires proper consent imo.

I’m in my 20s and can see both sides here.

firstly I think she has some valid concerns although if you feel she caused issues and crossed a line, then fair enough. You don’t need a reason to withdraw from a friendship that isn’t working out.

However I also think hen dos and weddings can bring out the worst in people. You essentially have a group people who are not otherwise friends/who may not otherwise get on, spending extended time together for the sake of a mutual friend.

Whilst most people try to put their differences aside, it doesn’t mean that awkwardness/tension isn’t going to occur because it’s people who aren’t individually friends coming together. There’s some people from my friend’s wedding that I genuinely never want to see again or have on social media etc. I certainly wouldn’t want to go on holiday with them.

Maybe the friend didnt feel she could say anything in the group chat? Maybe she felt talked over by these mates but still went for you op?
it sounds awful, for her. Awful picture that she’s been criticised for not being in ( who would want to be in it? there’s a difference between being confidence going in a bikini around the pool and having your picture plastered all over social media. Can you not see the difference?
moaned at as she didn’t like the food ( did she get a choice where to eat?i struggle with some food, i wouldn’t be happy about paying for food i couldn’t/wouldn’t want to eat)
then had an opinion when one of the hen cheated on her partner.( i wouldn’t be impressed about that either).
Will you all expect her to lie and cover for this person?
it sounds grim no matter how you look at it. Im sorry but i only feel sorry for your friend.
i think you’re angry at the wrong person.

Well, this is where OP needs to come in... Did Fumble Fiona ask anyone to cover? I'd not tbh, even if I was asked.

Everyone is focusing on the cheat and the bikini. What about all the other complaints from Negative Nancy? Why complain at every turn? There are certain events you just keep things to yourself, or away from people being celebrated.

wow. How fucking rude.

FWIW - I’m 31. Go to the gym and feel good yet wouldn’t want to pose in a bikini that spelt something out.

I know plenty of “Middle Aged” mothers who have better bodies than some people in their 20’s.

No one is missing the point. If anyone is then you are.

Good luck with the wedding.

It's not just about confidence. It's also about self-respect. Plenty of people wouldn't do such a photo even if they were 100% happy with their bodies.

I haven’t downplayed it, and there was no ‘shagging’ involved

I was going to suggest that someone else could have done it I might have if there was a drink in it. 🤗

Am I the only person thinking the bikini bottoms thing is all a bit Benny Hill?

Don't think I would have been impressed by your friend's 'fumble'. It would have been duly noted...but not remarked upon by me.
She's a cheat and will obviously gloss over it, so a liar too...nothing to do with me but humiliating for her partner given everyone knows about it.

I'm not going to judge your photo line-up idea...harmless and so what. Again though, I probably wouldn't have agreed to it. My arse and thighs are not for social media consumption thanks.

Dunno...it sounds like her vibe didn't match with the rest of you.

Bloody hell!! I had my child when I was in my 20's and was back in my jeans when they were a week old and wore a bikini for the next couple of decades. I am genetically lucky, none of the women in my family get stretch marks and we all pinged back after delivery but even if this was not the case you are coming out with such negative and judgmental stuff. Women putting other women down is not a good look.

If I was on a hen weekend with people cheating and making me wear bikini bottoms for a photo I would also be in a bad mood. She probably realised when she got there that she didn’t want to be there and you all aren’t her cup of tea. God imagine getting married and thinking cheating is ok cos it’s

🍿

But she could have voiced this before they went so alternative arrangements could be made!

Unless you were in the bed with them, you don't know that.

You called it a "fumble". Then it turned out she had taken him to bed. Then it turned out she was heavily hungover the next day.

Of course she's going to tell you they didn't shag, once the cold light of day hit.

I know some women in their 50s and 60s with amazing bums because they work out a lot. Probably eat well and have good genes too.

misses the point of the thread

I’d not say anything on this occasion. Just ensure you don’t invite her to your next hen party.

No, we still call women in relationships who cheat on their partners slags.

😆

Oh dear. I was actually on your side, but you lost me there.

You will absolutely cringe one day about these comments and the way you were thinking, or maybe you will let yourself go, who knows. Many of us haven't let ourselves go...

I wasn't chavy at 20 any more than I am now. My butt was great then, and still is 😂but I wouldn't embarrass myself with a cheap hen-doe stereotype photo.

Exactly. Just like we call men in relationships who cheat on their partners bastards, or worse.