To feel really embarrassed haha!!

[BecFlowers]

I don’t even know why I’m writing this, I just have to get it out and can’t tell anyone in real life. A friend - someone I thought was a best friend - is getting married. We’re a big group of girls, there’s 12 of us in total. I “joined” the group later via 2 of the girls I’m friends with and have always a bit of a second tier friend, which I’m totally fine with - I don’t have the shared history they have etc. but I thought her and I were very close, considering some of the things she’s told me, what I thought was the depth our friendship, the fun we have etc. Said girly is getting married and whilst I didn’t have any delusions about being a bridesmaid or anything… I’m not actually invited to the wedding. I’ve been invited on the abroad hen do, all us are going, and I thought none of us had wedding invitations yet (it’s in 2027 so a good while off) but then they all posted on insta stories/talked in our group chat about the gorgeous invites. Got excited - thank God I didn’t say anything hahaha - and then saw her for coffee this week with another of the girls. She gave the other girl her invite (very discretely I was still in my car) and then I never got one. I’m not invited. There’s been no meanness or change and I’m not looking for sympathy, it’s her day but I’M SO EMBARRASSED hahaha I keep randomly laughing to myself about what a tit I feel. I feel a bit sad but hey, her wedding, but whyyyyy do I feel so spine tinglingly humiliated 😂I invited her to my daughters christening next month and I thought she looked a bit bemused when I said close family and friends. AIBU to be so embarrassed at how wrongly I’ve read this friendship 😂 I’m 33 not 13!

The minister asks “do you take so & so to be your lawfully wed wife/husband” and then pronounces them married.
It’s a very brief affair followed by a big celebration followed by years of arguments.
The next time I get married, @Pryceosh1987I’ll see to it that you are there for the festivities - but not for the arguments. ❤️

Agree! I wouldn't be laughing, I'd be fuming!

I'd be letting her know you're not going because you're not invited to the wedding.

Don’t feel embarrassed She has shown herself up here.
If you’re company isn’t considered good enough for a wedding, I wouldn’t be spending my money on a hen do abroad
Spend it on a city break for yourself( I recommend a different location!)

@BecFlowers I'd just say I couldn't justify spending so much on something so frivalous.

Yep. Love OP's attitude also.

I'm going to suggest an alternative thought to the hen do: if you want a holiday with this group of women (even knowing that you're not invited to the wedding), just go! The number of times you'll be able to go overseas with 12 women will dramatically dwindle in the coming years. If you want to go and have a blast, go! I guarantee there will be someone else there wanting to just have a lovely escape and enjoy the culture/food of the place. As and when wedding chat comes up, smile and move to a different room/conversation.

OP I've just read all your responses and I'm so impressed with how gracefully you've handled this.

A similar thing happened to me years ago - two of my best friends got married (to each other) and our other best friend was invited but I wasn't. I WAS invited to the hen, which I found really odd. And I know that I was added to that invite list by the bride herself, as I didn't know the bridesmaid who organised the hen and sent me the email (I think it was a cousin). I politely declined as they were going to watch greyhound racing... Not my idea of a fun activity. Funnily enough the bride never did reach out again, to this day we haven't spoken. Not through any anger of mine (or hers probably), just a sad realisation that we weren't as close as I'd thought.

The wedding is in two years and she is giving out the invitations now?!

WTF?!

There is no way I'd be going on the hen do of a wedding I wasn't invited to.

Sending out wedding invites 2 years in advance is not normal.
A “save the date” maybe but not an invite.
Nevertheless, attending a Hen when you’re not invited to the wedding? …… definitely not!
Save your money

Good call. Don’t waste your money. Instead treat yourself. Have a facial, get your hair and nails done eat cake. ❤️

Op, you sound so lovely and sensible. Good for you!

Do the other girls know her family, if they have been friends for so long maybe they have stayed over a lot and spent time with her family. She might be trying to keep the wedding costs down and have a lot of other guests she needs to invite outside this group.
She might be inviting you on the abroad hen as she sees you as a part of this group that are on the hen and doesnt want to leave you out.
Id still go, if you want to go for the time with the group. But I wouldnt hold a grudge, or go 'for her'if it is something you are not that bothered about. But if you want a fun weekend with friends and want to go, then go. The invite might come later too once shes had some declines for the wedding from family.
Her parents might be paying for the wedding too, in which case yoh dont know if she has pressure from other people of who to invite.
She might have a set number of freind places she can allocate after the family of bride and goom.

Why do you keep saying ‘haha’ with laughing emojis? You’re several years older than me and write like a teenager. Anyway, I think you shouldn’t go to the expensive hen do and find new friends. Ask the bride if you’re the only one in the group who isn’t invited to the wedding and then never see her again.

I’m editing this as I just wrote a really defensive response but actually I don’t care😂it can bother you all you like x

How rude! They can write and express themselves how they like.

What a glorious person you are! Love it.

I would not go to the hen do if not invited to the wedding, I think that would be super awkward

Perhaps I'm being old fashioned but I don't understand this trend for inviting people to a hen do yet not inviting them to the wedding. I always assume a wedding invite always follows a hen do invite. Fuck her, don't spend your hard earned money or annual leave on her.

Why do you need to be so rude , just no requirement for it ! To pick apart op comments on a subject that is clearly sensitive to her.

I couldn't make past all the "girls" and "girlies". I take it from the context that you are all over 18? Then please stop demeaning yourself by still referring to yourselves are children.

It's obvious from her posts that OP is a senior doctor with communication skills that probably massively exceed yours. She can post however she wants on this forum. Her posts are clear, amusing and she obviously is very self-aware.

She also comes across as kind and empathetic unlike you.

Who cares? If a thread isn't to your taste, don't read it or bother posting. Your contribution is unnecessary and rude. I'd rather have 'girls' and 'girlies' than bad manners and misanthropic posts like yours.

I could say the same about your post.