He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

[EyeBogie]

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

I would hate that.

Why did he choose to go to Lake Garda if he just wanted to lie around? He should have gone to an all inclusive hotel and sat in the room/by the pool the whole time. And when you arrive, the first thing you do is go out and explore!

OMG! That would drive me mad.

I had my frist holiday with DH after a few weeks of meeting (he had holiday to use up) and thankfully we were compatible in what we wanted to do ie, get up at a reasonable time and go out. We are always down for hotel breakfast by 9am. If self catering def up eating breakfast by then. Depending on type of holiday we'd be by pool by 10.30am or going sightseeing!

@Agix in bed at 11am when the sun is shinning then laying in a room all day . Just no , why go away .
On the other hand op you sound 100miles an hour for being on a holiday .
Although I don’t get how he is tired when he has done nothing.
Most people I think see holidays as doing stuff although at a more leisurely rate . Explore then lay at he pool when it’s warm .

You are worlds apart . Sounds like it’s over .

OP says they discussed beforehand about how they saw the holiday working. This was presumably his chance to say I want to lie around all day and OP to say they wanted to be active. Either he’s a liar or there are serious communication problems.

He is lazy but do you eat? You talk about having coffee no mention of breakfast/lunch then arrive at 2 pm, I think I’d be hungry by then too.

I'm not sure which bit annoys me the most. It's either him not being able to go to the pool on his own, or him not being able to feed himself. Did his mum hand him over to you with a list of instructions?

Sounds like you're totally incompatible. I'd call it a day ASAP.

I think this is fair op.

You just aren’t suited.

I can’t think of anything worse than having someone rising at 6am on holiday and slinking in and out and about then judging me for wanting to chill a bit more.

Admittedly I’d be somewhere in between - about 8 am on holiday because it’s my time to catch up on sleep - but we are all different and I can tell you there is nothing more annoying than someone who can’t let others chill. My mum has done this on holiday. Up with the larks because she isn’t as tired, knocks on the door of our room with her hair freshly blow dried and says in a stage whisper “ just letting you know I’m all ready for breakfast, just so you aren’t waiting on me!” Of course this woke Dc. I honestly worried DH might have been about to hurl her off the balcony …

I don’t think it’s wrong of him to want a lazing around holiday, though I prefer to go out and see the sights like you. But to keep telling you he will get going and then not, so you spend a lot of your time waiting around, bored, was really selfish.

It does sound like you’re incompatible holiday wise. You could probably work around it if things were otherwise great and you both wanted to, but once you’ve got the ick it’s hard to get back to a place that’s good.

Holidays really bring out the differences between people - it's good that you've found out now!

That carry on would have driven me insane. 😡

He sounds awful and I would have the ick too (and I'm someone who likes a lazy start to the day on holiday so I speak without malice!)

I agree with posters saying you are incompatible. You're a morning lark who likes to be constantly on the go. He's more of an owl who likes to chill and relax into his surroundings.

But he's actually worse than that. Staying in bed asleep until the afternoon? Sulks and strops if you go out without him, even though he doesn't want to. Sulks and strops because he wanted to go to the pool but wouldn't go because you weren't there (wtf?). Doesn't enjoy trip because can only think about how hungry he is (because he didn't get his arse out of bed to have breakfast).

Ideally you could still have had a nice holiday with some compromise. Up and having hotel breakfast at 9 (you will probably have gone for a walk or bike ride before this but why should that bother him?) Chill time at the pool in the morning. Head out somewhere for the afternoon. Chill at pool/bar or in room with sundowner late afternoon/early evening. Wander out for a nice dinner. The real ick for me would be the lack of compromise/consideration and sulking/moaning. No wonder he always feels "knackered" - sounds like some fresh air and light exercise would do him the world of good!

Ditch him and I will come on holiday with you next time. Your holiday style sounds ace. His would not suit me at all. He may as well be at home. Why is he not curious about the beautiful place he has travelled to? So weird.

YANBU

YANBU, OP. Others are right; the two of you aren't compatible and that will never change. Move on.

First day on a holiday I'd probably cut someone some slack. Travelling can be tiring and especially if you have been working before that.
Still, 11.30 seems excessive but some people will think that's normal too.
You have different ideas of what holidays should be.

Oh my! Dump him or never go on holiday with him again or both 🤣 What an ick 🙄

Is he normally like this? Is this behaviour out if the ordinary? I feel like some of these things would have shown up before you went on holiday if you have dated for a year. I feel like this isn’t just a difference in the type of holiday you both like but fundamentally how you treat each other and the level of respect and consideration (or lack of it) he has shown you.

I don’t think you are compatible of course, but I also think you need to encourage him to go for some blood tests! He doesn’t sound well at all.

Or is he hiding some addictions that you aren’t aware of?

I don’t know why people are throwing around the words “wanker” and “arse” .. I don’t think he’s either of those things, you just have different expectations on holiday.

I’m a laze about person for some of the holiday. I too would not want to go out walking, 2 hours after arriving at the hotel after a flight. Shower, food, bed.

I hate these holidays were you have to do “stuff” everyday .. go see another town (what wrong with the one we are in).. and getting a bus, traipsing about in the heat - no, no, no

My blood pressure rose just reading that! Get rid.

Sounds like my DH. What does he do for a living?

DH is a farmer, works 365 days a year (Christmas and weekends) and when he goes on holiday he sleeps for 2 weeks, occasionally he'll bob in some water. We last went on holiday in 2022 and before that 2019. I don't begrudge him a rest.

If your other half works 40 hours over a week then I concur with everyone else, he's a lazy, boring sod but only you know if the relationship is worth it.

Sleeping in till 11.30 is weird really when there was no indication that you stayed up late the night before! How many hours of sleep is that? Sounds like a health condition.

I don’t think Theres anything wrong with doing very little on hols. That’s what a lot of people do! Men or women.

The issue here is that you have two very different ideas of what a good hols is. You want to be up at 6.00am, go sightseeing, spend the day walking etc…
He wants rest (an all inclusive by the pool would probably fit him better).

Theres no right or wrong there. Just different tastes. And it certainly doesn’t say anything about him being lazy or not being good husband/father material.
Resting/having a nap/sleeping late isn’t a moral failure.

This would irritate the shit out of me. How boring. The fact he wouldn’t even go swimming “on his own” when you were out visiting villages. YANBU.

I don’t think either of you are necessarily wrong. You just want different things on holiday. What usually happens is you do stuff that each of you want to do and plan accordingly. He wants a day lounging by the pool and then you want a day sightseeing. You want a restaurant meal one day, he just wants to veg out in hotel room snacking another. If he won’t find common ground with you so you both come home feeling rested and relaxed it will only get worse! I have been married for 25 years and we have never had a bad holiday at all.