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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
Iceandfire92 · 21/05/2025 21:25

Crikeyalmighty · 21/05/2025 21:19

@Iceandfire92 yes we may be completely off on this - but I’m kind of getting those vibes too from the OP . Along with his regular ‘grade2’

  • lake Garda would not cut the mustard!!

Absolutely, I also suspect he may be a prolific gamer and expects a hot dinner every evening from Mummy. I think men of his calibre are more aligned with Benidorm or a cheap all inclusive where they've had to limit the amounts of alcoholic drinks served per day to dissuade British tourists from being drunk and disorderly.

Mmmkaay · 21/05/2025 21:25

Just being nosey but how old is he?

menopausalfart · 21/05/2025 21:26
Disgusted Go Away GIF by The Bachelor Australia

For some reason, your updates have made me feel like this:

Foodoverload · 21/05/2025 21:34

that would annoy me on a non all inclusive. I want to explore because of done the sane as you.

The good thing about DP is he wants to explore. He will stay in bed at weekends at home but on holiday he wants to go out.

I am a let’s arrive and then figure out what we are doing. DP is a planner. If he had his way we would have an agenda. First holiday wasn’t great, but we figured out the planning issue. Second holiday I did it his way and it was exhausting.

now we compromise. Plan a few things. Just get told what time to be ready for. If he wants a lazy day I am happy to go out alone. We just discuss it.

ParsnipPuree · 21/05/2025 21:40

This is not normal behaviour. And he should be making you a bloody coffee!! What on earth is the attraction?

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 21/05/2025 21:40

Going on holiday is a good way to see if you’re compatible and I think this experience suggests you’re not.

Thepeopleversuswork · 21/05/2025 21:44

Urgh. I would have had to leave.

What on earth is the point of paying hundreds/thousands of pounds to go to a place like Italy and laze around in bed/on your phone. To Lake Garda, for Pete's sake. If he'd gone to Butlins or the Costa de Sol it would be one thing. Who the fuck goes a place of outstanding beauty like this and goes on their phone?

Its about incompatibility, yes but its so much worse. It's lazy, wasteful, apathetic and shows a complete lack of curiosity about the world which I would find such a turnoff. And the whininess of expecting you to serve him as he lay in bed.

Run for the hills.

Momstermash94 · 21/05/2025 22:11

Reminds me of my ex who only wanted to eat mcdonalds and lie on the bed in the hotel watching British tv when we went to Paris. By the sounds of it you can do so much better..

FKAT · 21/05/2025 22:16

Calliopespa · 21/05/2025 19:53

This thread has now gone truly weird.

Have you ever had pizza in Napoli? There is nothing on earth to compare.

I didn't say it. I was quoting the OP's boyfriend.
I personally never eat pizza unless it's in the shadow of Mount Vesuvius.

Sj07 · 21/05/2025 22:44

Some people like to explore new places, some people like to spend their holiday lying on a sun lounger relaxing, enjoying time off work. Probably most people like a mixture of both. You're not compatible. It's a shame, but thankfully only a year in. Like others have said, best getting out now before you end up with kids together because imagine having that same issue with holidays/family days out for the next however many years... No thanks.

montelbano · 21/05/2025 22:44

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 21:15

Yea it was beautiful, the bits we managed to see. I’ll definitely go back one day

Even if you are not an 'opera buff' try to see an opera in the Roman Amphitheatre in Verona. The open air setting is just magical especially as the sky darkens and flocks of birds swoop down. Wandering down the terracotta coloured back streets is fascinating. Beautiful city....and the food is just......!!

EdithBond · 21/05/2025 22:48

Nothing wrong with a weekly haircut. And he can clearly get out of bed for that.

Agree you’re wise to end it. You don’t sound compatible. Plus, he’s unreliable. He suggests, discusses and agrees to things, then rolls back on them and/or moans. And sulks when you accept he doesn’t want to do much and instead do your own thing. Flaky, charmless, selfish, unadventurous, lacking in enthusiasm or energy. Apparently, few redeeming features, unless you’re doing him a disservice.

What was the initial attraction? Don’t sell yourself short.

Pistachiocake · 21/05/2025 22:56

It's not necessarily wrong to want different things, particularly if one of you has been really busy/is tired/finds flying stressful. If he's always tired, could he have an underlying health issue, either physical or mental? I do know several people who have had a 'permanently tired feeling'-one was a thyroid issue, one a vitamin deficiency and one something else the GP could help with, so if this is a regular thing as you say, does he want to make an appointment? If you're otherwise happy, maybe just talk about it? Most people want something between a flyandflop and an extreme adventure holiday, though there's nothing wrong with either. Is he willing to compromise ? Are you happy with whatever compromise he suggests? If not, are you ok about taking separate holidays at times, or do you both feel you're incompatible?

skinnyoptionsonly · 21/05/2025 22:57

Crikey your update are horrifying - glad to hear you are ending it.

I hope you find someone more compatible, who rocks your world

IchBinPapst · 21/05/2025 23:24

I have to say, I’ve been smiling all day as ‘He Gave Me the Ick In Lake Garda’ is the best MN thread title I’ve ever seen.

DBD1975 · 21/05/2025 23:26

mixedcereal · 21/05/2025 09:19

You’re incompatible

This totally, I was going to post exactly the same comment. Nothing to be discussed, the answer is obvious.

80smonster · 21/05/2025 23:27

OP… Hope the dumping goes well. You’ve literally nothing to lose.

Thisshirtisonfire · 21/05/2025 23:34

You are wildly incompatible as a couple.
Don't be tempted to try and change him or convince him that you are right and he is wrong.. because this is his character and it's the opposite to yours. There's literally no point.

NPET · 21/05/2025 23:37

Well APART from getting up at 6am you're perfect!

PullTheBricksDown · 21/05/2025 23:46

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 20:33

Yeah the weekly haircuts annoy me too but I thought I was being unreasonable about that! Good to see it irritates others too!

im finishing it this weekend

Why even wait that long? The full account of your holiday was terrible. Plus the haircut every week is weird. And the lying stinking your bed up. How have you been able to want to sleep with him?

End it tomorrow. Tell him you couldn't book a holiday you'd both like because McDonald's and Pizza Hut aren't doing rooms yet. And you've decided you're really not suited at all.

GrandmasCat · 21/05/2025 23:47

KimberleyClark · 21/05/2025 09:23

Being on holiday with someone who needs to be up and about at 6am would drive me nuts.

You can’t be driven nuts by another person who is minding her own business and letting you to sleep half of the day.

Thisisittheapocalypse · 21/05/2025 23:56

He sounds worse and worse the more you post... I'd definitely be finishing with him as soon as you return if you can't do it now comfortably.

Financialthymes · 22/05/2025 00:02

Urgh. He sounds so dull. Get rid! Reading this has really made me appreciate my DH!

comeondover · 22/05/2025 00:04

OP your post title sounds like the first line of a limerick! <misses point of thread>

Loloblue · 22/05/2025 00:04

He sounds quite basic (the burgers in Italy, really). Let him go. Italy is wonderful! Enjoy Florence on your own.