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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
CornishDew · 21/05/2025 19:55

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 19:35

Ok trying to catch up - if I miss anything please let me know:

“surely you knew what he was like before the holiday?”

We don’t live together but yes, I did see signs of it. On a Saturday he gets up at 10am and goes for a hair cut (every week!). He then comes to my house and admittedly never wants to do much unless it’s pre-planned. On a Sunday he does lie in every week and would 100% stay in bed until 2pm if I let him (I don’t let him as I don’t want him stinking my bedroom out sweating and farting and if he wants to lay in bed all day he can go home and do that. So yes I probably should have seen this coming but we had talked about the holiday so many times …

For example, I suggested it would be nice to have a short stroll on our first evening there as the lake is opposite the hotel. He said “yes definitely, once we’ve had “a bit relax” we can head back out and get our bearings”.

i told him there was a bike hire place next to the hotel, he said that was great as we can cycle to town to town. When we got there he decided the bikes were “too basic”. He used them once and after half hour said he was taking it back as it’s “ancient” and “a death trap”. (I used mine all week, still alive).

HE had suggested the trip to Verona - I was very much looking forward to it and we had planned to go to “Juliette’s balcony”. The amphitheater and the museum. By time we actually got there and he’d had his pizza slice we only had time for the museum. He moaned the whole way around it saying if we wanted to see old stuff we should have gone to Rome. He then tried rushing us out of there as he was “so hungry” and “needed a McDonald’s”.

We had planned to go to mt baldo. It was HIS idea. We got to the top with the cable car and he then decided his hayfever was too bad and he couldn’t breathe etc etc …. Again all he was bothered about was sitting and eating. I went off exploring on my own, got a video of an eagle. I came back to find him sat there sulking saying because there was no WiFi?!

He later decided that Italy is more “backwards” than he thought it would be. I’m going to Florence next year on my own. Now he has a face on about that saying we should go somewhere we’ll both enjoy. I think that’s impossible.

Can you honestly see a life with him if you can’t holiday together, haven’t aligned at weekends and are just so different? If he can’t adapt early on in the honeymoon phase, it’s going to be terrible further down the line. They say holidays make or break relationships as you see the true person and whether you’re compatible or not

ThatCyanCat · 21/05/2025 19:55

He stinks out your bedroom?

HorrorFan81 · 21/05/2025 20:00

Good god OP he gets worse and worse with each update. Please know your worth and get rid of this guy, he isn't adding to your life

Olika · 21/05/2025 20:00

Just dumb him, he sounds shit.

StillSittingInACornerIHaunt · 21/05/2025 20:03

We need to know more about the weekly haircuts. Is it like a trip to the barbers for a proper shave etc? This is the only way I can make sense of a weekly haircut.
But he doesn't sound like a super well groomed type what with all the burgers and farting in bed.
Please OP don't stick with this man.
Don't be the poster in 4 years time with a baby and a man that does fuck all.
You deserve better.

Thelostjewels · 21/05/2025 20:03

Unfortunately op this is what are holiday means to many people all the time.

AcquadiP · 21/05/2025 20:03

OMG! I have been to Italy many times, it's a fantastic country with so much to see, do and enjoy. Unfortunately, you were accompanied on your trip there by a wet wipe. I would have ended the relationship whilst you there, he would have driven me mad. He'd rather stay in bed than visit Lake Garda. Really?! Massive ICK from me!

Jumpers4goalposts · 21/05/2025 20:04

This man is not for you, throw him back!

SirKeirTwaddle · 21/05/2025 20:05

He sounds like hard work. You deserve so much more. When you say 'pampered by his mother', does he still live with her??

Clementine183 · 21/05/2025 20:08

You both sound pretty extreme and as many have pointed out you're clearly not compatible when it comes to holidays. More importantly than that though, particularly in your last few updates, it doesn't sound like you actually like him very much, let alone feel like you're in love with him. You've been together less than a year... this is meant to be the honeymoon period so it's not a very good sign. Yet it sounds like you're already discussing plans for next year (even if those plans are for you to go away without him). Why do you want to continue with this? You really don't sound keen.

LeftieRightsHoarder · 21/05/2025 20:11

FKAT · 21/05/2025 19:41

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda
He scrolled all day long in the bed.
Italian guys try so much harder,
So I'm now out with Gio instead.

Splendida! 😂

TomatoSandwiches · 21/05/2025 20:11

Jumpers4goalposts · 21/05/2025 20:04

This man is not for you, throw him back!

This man is not for anyone but his mother, he sounds horrendous op, please please do yourself the biggest favour and leave him to his weekly haircuts and McDonalds.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/05/2025 20:21

He does sound even worse from the updates tbh

SwingTheMonkey · 21/05/2025 20:25

HerNeighbourTotoro · 21/05/2025 18:44

Are you serious?
OP is not forcing him to not eat, he is too f* lazy to get out of bed, sleeps until noon instead of getting up to actually eat, and probably expects food to be served in bed for him as he is too lazy to actually go and get it himself or maybe suggest to eat something at a reasonable time. He didnt seem to show any initiative. If he knows they leave at 10, he can wake up at 9 and have a quick bite, not wake up at 13:00 and then be pissed off he is hungry.

To many posters haven’t actually read the op properly.

ScandiStyle · 21/05/2025 20:32

This is why holidays are essential.
So you find out sooner rather than later that you are incompatible.

Your thread title sounds like a title to a song, by the way (or a novel!)

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 20:33

Yeah the weekly haircuts annoy me too but I thought I was being unreasonable about that! Good to see it irritates others too!

im finishing it this weekend

OP posts:
NewShoesForSpring · 21/05/2025 20:34

OP yoou don't like this man, at home or on holidays. You write about him so disparagingly.

You are very clearly not right for each other.

Why are you wasting each other's time. End it now & you'll both be free to meet someone you're more suited to.

I've been with my dh 26 years now & even after all these years I never consider him to be 'stinking out' our bedroom if he's in bed. In fact I absolutely adore the smell of him & even now can't get enough. I sniff him ALL the time.

Wexone · 21/05/2025 20:36

oh lord at 1st thought you were just incompatible but lord he is tool
dump dump dump

godmum56 · 21/05/2025 20:39

sorry but I can't help it
"he gave me the ick in Lake Garda"
sounds like a line from a comic song.

BlackSwan · 21/05/2025 20:41

godmum56 · 21/05/2025 20:39

sorry but I can't help it
"he gave me the ick in Lake Garda"
sounds like a line from a comic song.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda
I told him he should've tried harda...

godmum56 · 21/05/2025 20:46

BlackSwan · 21/05/2025 20:41

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda
I told him he should've tried harda...

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda
He did it again in Peru
I told him he should've tried harda....

Nikki75 · 21/05/2025 20:46

No way .. is he lazy at home on days off or weekends, you are incompatible compromise needed but at this early stage I'd move on.. your spending money for a lovely holiday and he spends it in bed on his phone falling back to sleep ... move on.

PandorasJam · 21/05/2025 20:49

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda
Lying in bed until two
His stink really dampened my ardour
And now I shall tell him we're through

FairFuming · 21/05/2025 20:52

Its a shame he wasted such a brilliant opportunity on such a beautiful place. Glad you're going solo next time

Imbusytodaysorry · 21/05/2025 20:52

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/05/2025 19:37

I think you would have to be utterly mad to still be with him next year.

Or even next week.

Don't waste your life with this loser.

Agreed!

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