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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off a man because he was asleep during the day?

374 replies

PeptoDismal · 21/05/2025 08:48

Been on a few dates with a bloke. He sent me a message yesterday at 2pm asking what I was upto, I returned the question and he said “I’ve just woke up lol”. At 2pm?? He’d been up in the day earlier as he’d messaged me at 10am saying he was off to shop. How lazy - don’t get me wrong I’m not bursting with energy either but I at least stay awake during the day. It’s really put me off

OP posts:
HunnyPot · 21/05/2025 12:17

He’s not for you OP. Just move on.

atamlin · 21/05/2025 12:20

I have a nap most days…toddler often has me up a lot in the night (her CPAP is noisy) so I try to sleep with her at nap time.

Do I have a red flag?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 21/05/2025 12:20

I love a sneaky snooze during the day, years of working until 4am, 2 hour sleep before doing the school run, then back to bed.

I can fall asleep at night, after my day nap, with no issue.

Yawn 🥱

DrDameKatyDeniseInExile · 21/05/2025 12:22

Never, ever, go to Spain.

SarfLondonLad · 21/05/2025 12:25

Swiftie1878 · 21/05/2025 08:53

I’m with the OP. We don’t live in Spain. Sleeping during the day on a Tuesday (I could understand a post-Sunday lunch nap, for example) is weird and would put me off.

Other mitigating factors would be shift work or a bad night’s sleep the night before.

Then I think there are more "weird" people in this country than you realise.

Icanttakethisanymore · 21/05/2025 12:30

GoldieFish · 21/05/2025 12:12

It suggests a level of low energy that just wouldn't work for me. There's nothing objectively wrong with it, obviously, but dating someone is purely a matter of whether that person's tastes, personalities and habits suit you or not (and vice versa. I mean, I doubt a habitual napper would particularly want to date me. Neither would my friend who does ultramarathons, whose idea of a perfect weekend involves extreme running, or race events where you basically see who can keep going around a circuit the longest.)

There's a thread on here at the moment called something like 'I got the ick at lake Garda' where an OP has gone on her first holiday with her boyfriend of a year, only to discover they're completely incompatible. She wants to explore the area and go out for walks and do things. He appears baffled by this, and hostile, and wants to stay in bed. They have completely different approaches to leisure, and, probably more importantly, about exploring/being curious about the world around them. No one is wrong, but the OP has just realised this relationship isn't a goer. Part of that is on the grounds of different energy levels.

Show quote history

A nap in itself doesn’t suggest a level of low energy. What if he ran a marathon in the morning. Could you keep up? I used to nap on the weekend because I used to get up early and go to the gym before it was busy. I also used to do a long run on Sunday which could be 3 hours. I’m not suggesting that is what this guy was doing but it’s clearly absurd to suggest a nap in itself suggests someone is lazy when you don’t know what else a person is up to.

Readytohealnow · 21/05/2025 12:31

I am with you OP. I have an irrational ick of nappers unless elderly, unwell or shift workers.

BunnyLake · 21/05/2025 12:32

You may not realise this but we humans are supposed to sleep around that time of day. We are socially conditioned not to but it’s a natural slump. If I’m at home and I want a daytime nap then I’m going to have one. It was actually a former bf who got me into day time napping.

I remember seeing a youtube video about people’s quirks and a man submitted a photo saying now he knows where his wife got her daytime napping habit from, it was a photo of his wife, her mother and her grandmother all napping on the sofas at the same time :))

GreenSedan · 21/05/2025 12:32

OMG I love a nap! And I am very fit and healthy.

BunnyLake · 21/05/2025 12:34

GreenSedan · 21/05/2025 12:32

OMG I love a nap! And I am very fit and healthy.

Me too :) I like a man who enjoys a good nap too, especially if we can nap together! I couldn’t stand a man who criticised me for having a nap.

Wednesdayschilld · 21/05/2025 12:36

I find it concerning that you don’t listen to your own body and allow yourself to nap. You have suggested you’re tired but won’t sleep in the day. It’s quite a toxic mentality to demonise rest!

OP, have a nap, you may never look back! I’m more prone to napping as a shift worker, but really feel my body needs it sometimes and I feel better for it. Napping does not indicate someone is lazy, unless there are other factors that put you off him.

Thistooshallpass. · 21/05/2025 12:36

How old is he ? What does he do that he works part time ?
Nothing wrong with a nap - I would just think we probably weren’t well aligned as I never sleep in the day so might find it frustrating that a partner did ..

phoenixrosehere · 21/05/2025 12:36

So you never feel knackered that your body is telling you to sleep?

Fair enough.

Break up with him then so he can be with someone who isn’t judgemental over people needing/wanting a nap during the day.

If it effects plans, I’d understand, but someone choosing to have a nap during the day for whatever reasons when it doesn’t effect you and you didn’t have any plans is weird.

I’d dodge people who are sanctimonious about being awake all day even when they’re tired.

outerspacepotato · 21/05/2025 12:38

Years of night shift taught me the joy of napping.

Augarden · 21/05/2025 12:39

Nah I'm with you OP. It's off-putting. You're not sending him to jail or something, you have the right to be put off a relationship by any behaviour.

Fraggeek · 21/05/2025 12:42

I would stay single my love. No one wants someone who is going to begrudge then a nap if they're tired 🤷🏻

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 21/05/2025 12:43

I love a good nap lol

YABU

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 21/05/2025 12:46

Blimey I’m glad DH isn’t like you OP. I messaged him many times when we were dating saying I’d had a nap.

You don’t have to date anyone you don’t want to and if this gives you the ick then so be it.

BunnyLake · 21/05/2025 12:46

phoenixrosehere · 21/05/2025 12:36

So you never feel knackered that your body is telling you to sleep?

Fair enough.

Break up with him then so he can be with someone who isn’t judgemental over people needing/wanting a nap during the day.

If it effects plans, I’d understand, but someone choosing to have a nap during the day for whatever reasons when it doesn’t effect you and you didn’t have any plans is weird.

I’d dodge people who are sanctimonious about being awake all day even when they’re tired.

Edited

Definitely some superiority going on with non-nappers. I get some of my best sleep in a nap. Some big companies have nap pods “to enhance employee well being and productivity”, including Google, Meta, Microsoft and Ben & Jerry’s. There are health benefits to napping. I can’t count how many times I would have an afternoon slump at work and just go sit in a toilet cubicle for five minutes just to rest my eyes. “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead” (Bon Jovi) is for people who don’t realise how important sleep is for brain health.

LakieLady · 21/05/2025 12:48

Needmorelego · 21/05/2025 08:51

I love taking a nap during the day.
What's so terrible about that.
Some countries call it the afternoon siesta.

Me too!

Half an hour of snoozing on the sofa seems to energise more than a whole night's sleep sometimes.

phoenixrosehere · 21/05/2025 12:49

Wednesdayschilld · 21/05/2025 12:36

I find it concerning that you don’t listen to your own body and allow yourself to nap. You have suggested you’re tired but won’t sleep in the day. It’s quite a toxic mentality to demonise rest!

OP, have a nap, you may never look back! I’m more prone to napping as a shift worker, but really feel my body needs it sometimes and I feel better for it. Napping does not indicate someone is lazy, unless there are other factors that put you off him.

I find it concerning that you don’t listen to your own body and allow yourself to nap. You have suggested you’re tired but won’t sleep in the day. It’s quite a toxic mentality to demonise rest!

Agree. Also, wonder if they’re the type of person who gets arsey when they don’t get enough sleep.

BunnyLake · 21/05/2025 12:50

TheFairyCaravan · 21/05/2025 08:56

I had a nap on Friday afternoon because I’d woken at 4am and couldn’t get back to sleep. By 2pm I was knackered and feeling sick so i went to bed for a couple of hours. I can’t see what’s wrong with that, tbh.

That was me yesterday. Didn’t sleep particularly well so had a nap on the sofa (with duvet) about 3pm. It was lovely.

Kreepture · 21/05/2025 12:52

blimey, i wouldn't make it through the day without a nap... usually either post lunch or about 4pm for 30 mins or so.

Mind you, i only get 5hrs sleep at night and i'm disabled, so fatigue is a thing.

I'd think someone was bonkers if that put them off dating me though.

Madness. Napping is not some kind of moral failing.

BunnyLake · 21/05/2025 12:53

OP probably never heard of the term Power Nap.

If someone told me I gave them the ick because I like a nap they would be told to never darken my doorstep again and then get a swift metaphorical boot up the jacksy out of there. No-one comes between me and my nap :))

whitewineandsun · 21/05/2025 12:54

Do him a favour and find someone else.