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Original poster

My boyfriend has not been supportive after abortion

109 replies

Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:19

Hello, so I found out that I was pregnant last month after missing my period - I took a test and there was two big bright red lines.
I thought long and hard about the decision however I knew I couldn’t bring a baby into my life the way it is at the moment. I decided to opt for an abortion - filled in a consultation this was all carried out on phone calls & I was then sent out in the post an abortion kit at home.

This was around 5 days ago now - my boyfriend keeps trying to have sex with me I told him no I’m not doing it I am not going through or having to make the decision I have just had to - he started calling me a baby killer - saying the reason I did abort is because it wasn’t his baby etc etc. literally not the case.

we was cuddling last night, literally 5 minutes in he’s there trying to pull my pants down I said no he kept trying I said no I’m not risking it he can wait until I am contraception + I am still bleeding + very fertile at the moment.

He huffed and got off me told me he didn’t want to just cuddle me and just turned to the side onto his phone - I told him he has no respect for me or my body or what I’ve just had to go through not only mentally but physically.

he then about 20 minutes apologised started to cuddle me again too which I did and he he tried pulling his pants down again and mine I said no again - at this point I was getting annoyed because he was not listening to me anyway from here he just turned away again.

he then said I never want to touch him and that I’m boring - I said to him that we have literally just been cuddling, how do I not touch him. He said that’s boring, I said he only wants to even touch me for sex that’s it he said yeah he does because he can’t stand me.

i haven’t even told my mum about the abortion - I haven’t told anyone but him I have no one else I can speak to so I guess this may be the reason behind the post today

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 21/05/2025 09:03

OP this isn’t normal, women don’t have to be with nasty men. You can be free or you can find someone much nicer. I think this has all worked out well, you shouldn’t have a baby with this cretin

Fyreheart · 21/05/2025 09:06

Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:37

we did breakup fairly recently - I took my stuff & went back to my mums - he went out on a massive bender for a week & then he was not stop harassing me, I was really determined I wasn’t going to go back I blocked him on everything his number he started calling me on no caller ID I stupidly answered he told me a bunch of sweet nothings & promised everything would change but fast forward too now I’m back to square one again and I just feel stupid now partly the reason why I haven’t spoken to my mum about this

I said he only wants to even touch me for sex that’s it he said yeah he does because he can’t stand me.

Is this the life you want for the next 50 / 60 years?
I certainly wouldn't.

He is a sex pest, he is nasty, he is spiteful

Move back to your mums and block him. And if he does manage to get in contact with you - just repeat what he said to you "why do you want me back, when you 'cant stand me' ?" and watch the lies pour forth from his shitty mouth

Catandsquirrel · 21/05/2025 09:07

He's absolutely disgusting. If there's any confusion now, give it a few weeks or months and you will see his behaviour far more clearly.

Mischance · 21/05/2025 09:08

he started calling me a baby killer - and then you were "cuddling"? - really!?

Pick up your self-respect, pack your bags and put this "man" out of your life right now .......

Viviennemary · 21/05/2025 09:10

He is a horrible abusive nasty bully. A nd you need him out of your life.

Littledidsheknow · 21/05/2025 09:12

OP, you made the right choice about your unplanned pregnancy, now do the same with your relationship. This man is AWFUL, abusive and couldn’t give a fuck about you.

Give yourself the respect you deserve and take out the trash.

user2848502016 · 21/05/2025 09:12

Dump him, please dump him!

polarsystem · 21/05/2025 09:12

OneAmusedShark · 21/05/2025 08:25

The relationship would be over for me after the “baby killer” remark.

If you were using the pills, presumably the pregnancy was ended before 12 weeks?

At that point there is no heartbeat, movement or working central nervous system.

At that point, biologically speaking the pregnancy was never “alive”.

Thats the reason most European countries have a 12 week limit.

You can do better than this waster who only seems interested in one thing.

This is simply not true. The foetus has a heart beat from around the sixth week.

fussychica · 21/05/2025 09:14

LTB. Sounds vile.

honeylulu · 21/05/2025 09:15

One very good outcome of terminating the pregnancy is that there is nothing to tie you to this awful man.

He's unsupportive while you are recovering physically and mentally from a medical procedure and a decision you found difficult.

He "can't stand you" apart from being able to use your body for sex.

He thinks you are boring and cuddling you is boring if it doesn't lead straight to sex.

He tries to coerce you into having sex you don't want/don't feel ready for.

He is spiteful about the difficult decision you made (the right one imo) to punish you for not being up for sex on demand. Even though he would have been a bloody awful father - if he is this bad after an early termination can you imagine how awful it would be with him pestering you for sex and whining about how "boring" you are when you've been up all night with a newborn, exhausted, recovering from birth, struggling with breastfeeding, mastitis, post natal depression, birth injuries ....

Please get rid of him and congratulate yourself for doing so.

Icanttakethisanymore · 21/05/2025 09:16

Why are you with him?

Mamabear487 · 21/05/2025 09:17

I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that and your boyfriend is a massive see you next Tuesday. However, You’ve had a lucky escape not being tied he should absolutely not be treating you like that it’s absolutely disgraceful. Leave and don’t look back. You don’t need trash like that in your life

Dweetfidilove · 21/05/2025 09:17

He's a drunk or otherwise, verbally abusive and sexually assaults you.
Please make your way back home and leave this vile specimen to hopefully choke on his bile.

WhatMe123 · 21/05/2025 09:18

Honestly op you've dodged a bullet there. Imagine if you'd just given birth rather than had an abortion and he's there being all huffy and expecting sex, your sore and have a new born who never sleeps. He sounds a child himself. Please consider how good a partner he is and consider leaving

MalcolmMoo · 21/05/2025 09:21

Please end the relationship. Calling you a baby killer is absolutely vile.

LimitedBrightSpots · 21/05/2025 09:23

He's not just being unsupportive, this is sexual assault.

He's touching you sexually knowing that you're not consenting. That's a criminal offence.

You need to leave and get to a safe place.

S0j0urn4r · 21/05/2025 09:25

He's disgusting. You know this. You know you're in a terrible situation. That's why you had the abortion. Yet you're still with him? WTF are you doing, OP?
Leave now.

ThatNaiceMember · 21/05/2025 09:28

GoblinMarkets · 21/05/2025 08:23

He’s awful. Terminating was the right decision. Think about making another good decision to get this unsupportive, unpleasant sex pest out of your life asap.

100% this, absolutely the right decision not to have a child with this scum

Sassybooklover · 21/05/2025 09:30

You have been through a traumatic experience and your boyfriend not only is trying to push you into having sex, is also being verbally abusive and offering you zero support. He's said some extremely nasty and hurtful things, simply because you don't want sex. You aren't a piece of meat, there to serve and give him pleasure. He is an arsehole. He's a deeply unpleasant person, who isn't interested in your feelings or well-being. He's selfish, only interested in himself and definitely doesn't love you. If he had any feelings for you, let alone love, he'd be bending over backwards to give you all the support you needed, and he wouldn't be pressuring you into sex, that you clearly don't want and aren't ready for. Please tell someone you trust - if I had a daughter going through this, I'd want to support her. You need to face up to the fact your boyfriend is an arsehole and end the relationship.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 21/05/2025 09:31

I got pregnant with a similar man. Nighty rapes became my normal. He was an abusive df.. I left when ds was 7. He still has anger management therapy at 32 from being around such a man..
Confide in your dm and she may give you the kick up the arse you need to keep him away from you.

HeyThereDelila · 21/05/2025 09:32

He sounds cruel, abusive and predatory.

Dump him now. Thank goodness you didn’t have a child with such an awful man.

Pressuring you in to sex you don’t want us rape. Get rid of him and do not take him back.

And if you do stay with him he must use condoms and you should sort out contraception for yourself eg the pill too.

HeyThereDelila · 21/05/2025 09:32

*is

Orangemintcream · 21/05/2025 09:33

For gods sake get rid of this total cunt.

His treatment of you is disgusting - do not allow it to continue.

Daleksatemyshed · 21/05/2025 09:37

You made all the right decisions @Mumblebee24 apart from going back to him, now make another good one and go back to your Mum. He called you a babykiller because you wouldn't have sex with him, he's a lowlife, you can do so much better

Pieandchips999 · 21/05/2025 09:38

This is so sad. You know you deserve better than this horrible man. He is trying to blackmail you into sex you don't want which is rape and is emotionally abusive. You have made a very good decision to terminate. You also made a good decision before in doing back to your mum's. I would go back to hers now. You don't even necessarily have to tell her why again except you don't feel safe. Just get safe and say what you can when you're ready