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Original poster

My boyfriend has not been supportive after abortion

109 replies

Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:19

Hello, so I found out that I was pregnant last month after missing my period - I took a test and there was two big bright red lines.
I thought long and hard about the decision however I knew I couldn’t bring a baby into my life the way it is at the moment. I decided to opt for an abortion - filled in a consultation this was all carried out on phone calls & I was then sent out in the post an abortion kit at home.

This was around 5 days ago now - my boyfriend keeps trying to have sex with me I told him no I’m not doing it I am not going through or having to make the decision I have just had to - he started calling me a baby killer - saying the reason I did abort is because it wasn’t his baby etc etc. literally not the case.

we was cuddling last night, literally 5 minutes in he’s there trying to pull my pants down I said no he kept trying I said no I’m not risking it he can wait until I am contraception + I am still bleeding + very fertile at the moment.

He huffed and got off me told me he didn’t want to just cuddle me and just turned to the side onto his phone - I told him he has no respect for me or my body or what I’ve just had to go through not only mentally but physically.

he then about 20 minutes apologised started to cuddle me again too which I did and he he tried pulling his pants down again and mine I said no again - at this point I was getting annoyed because he was not listening to me anyway from here he just turned away again.

he then said I never want to touch him and that I’m boring - I said to him that we have literally just been cuddling, how do I not touch him. He said that’s boring, I said he only wants to even touch me for sex that’s it he said yeah he does because he can’t stand me.

i haven’t even told my mum about the abortion - I haven’t told anyone but him I have no one else I can speak to so I guess this may be the reason behind the post today

OP posts:
LavenderBlue19 · 21/05/2025 08:36

Well thank goodness you didn't have a baby with him.

Leave him. Being pestered for sex when you're unwell/don't want it is a huge red flag.

Original poster
Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:37

we did breakup fairly recently - I took my stuff & went back to my mums - he went out on a massive bender for a week & then he was not stop harassing me, I was really determined I wasn’t going to go back I blocked him on everything his number he started calling me on no caller ID I stupidly answered he told me a bunch of sweet nothings & promised everything would change but fast forward too now I’m back to square one again and I just feel stupid now partly the reason why I haven’t spoken to my mum about this

OP posts:
OneAmusedShark · 21/05/2025 08:38

Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:31

The comment he’s made has really hurt me as I found it hard enough going for the option of an abortion. But with my relationship and life at the moment abortion was the best option it would not morally be fair bringing a child into a fkeddd up situation. I still feel really guilty for what I’ve done and him keep accusing me of cheating and telling me I’m a baby killer is just making my head spiral if I have actually made the right choice or not

Don’t beat yourself up. At the stage you did it, it was a cluster of cells and no more.

It doesn’t come to “life” (ie
movement, heartbeat etc) until much later.

His attitude towards you shows what he’s really like.

Now’s the time to gather your resources, run and don’t look back. Block him.

And you have no reason to tell anyone else about it unless you want to. It’s no-one else’s business.

If anyone asks why you left and you feel
you want to explain, all you need to say is that you discovered he was really a nasty piece of work who pestered you for sex, which is perfectly true.

MissDoubleU · 21/05/2025 08:41

Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:37

we did breakup fairly recently - I took my stuff & went back to my mums - he went out on a massive bender for a week & then he was not stop harassing me, I was really determined I wasn’t going to go back I blocked him on everything his number he started calling me on no caller ID I stupidly answered he told me a bunch of sweet nothings & promised everything would change but fast forward too now I’m back to square one again and I just feel stupid now partly the reason why I haven’t spoken to my mum about this

Don’t worry about feeling stupid. Go back to your mums. Explain that he’s being abusive and you maybe even need help to keep him away. You gave him another chance and he’s shown you for sure who he really is and you just need help. I bet she will understand and just want you safe. She will care more about you being safe than she will about how “stupid” you look, which I promise you don’t. Don’t stay tied to this horrible man to keep up appearances.

Emilysaltandpepper · 21/05/2025 08:41

Mumblebee24 · 21/05/2025 08:37

we did breakup fairly recently - I took my stuff & went back to my mums - he went out on a massive bender for a week & then he was not stop harassing me, I was really determined I wasn’t going to go back I blocked him on everything his number he started calling me on no caller ID I stupidly answered he told me a bunch of sweet nothings & promised everything would change but fast forward too now I’m back to square one again and I just feel stupid now partly the reason why I haven’t spoken to my mum about this

Oh heavens… I think you posted about this

I can’t believe you went back

CagneyNYPD1 · 21/05/2025 08:41

If you were my daughter, I would want you to tell me what’s happening. And I would want you to come home.

How old are you @Mumblebee24?

Ellie1015 · 21/05/2025 08:43

I would have made the same decsion with him as father never kind your other reasons. Great you are not connected to this idiot for life. I would absolutely leave. His behaviour is awful.

Copperoliverbear · 21/05/2025 08:44

Get rid of him today he’s a loser (narcissist )

Dozer · 21/05/2025 08:45

Go back to your mums. Tell her as much or as little as you think will help you.

MyGingerNinja · 21/05/2025 08:50

OP the abortion was absolutely the right choice in these circumstances. Please speak to your mum, as a parent of a daughter the thought of my child being with someone as abusive and vile as your boyfriend fills me with dread and I would do anything in my power to help them get out and stay out of such a relationship. You deserve so much better than this-if this is now just think what your future life with him would be now. Leave him now and ask your family for support and never go back.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 21/05/2025 08:50

You're not a baby killer, it wasn't even a baby, it was a clump of cells. You made the best decision you could with the information you had. It was a hard decision, but you did it and I would have done the same. I have done the same.

You deserve to be loved and treated with respect and this next decision should not be so hard, he's making it really easy for you actually. You need to separate. He is abusive, he objectifies you simply to fill his wants, and he does not respect that you are a living breathing person.

Don't be sad, be angry. Get rid of this loser.

Tangerinenets · 21/05/2025 08:53

Jesus he sounds absolutely vile! This isn’t right in any circumstance let alone what you’ve just been through.

MammaTo · 21/05/2025 08:56

Please end the relationship. You’ve 100% done the right thing by not bringing a baby into this, now do the right thing for yourself and leave.

Cynic17 · 21/05/2025 08:56

Dump him. He's a truly awful man, and he doesn't care about you.

HoppingPavlova · 21/05/2025 08:57

Christ, get rid of him pronto. Also, you made the right decision, as otherwise you would be lumbered with this nasty piece of trash in one way or another for the next 20 odd years and that would be a real fail.

Hankunamatata · 21/05/2025 08:58

People show their true colours in stressful situations

He isn't a keeper. Toss him back

LaurieFairyCake · 21/05/2025 08:58

Just dump him, he’s an abusive cunt

AlorsTimeForWine · 21/05/2025 08:58

You 💯 made the right choice.... having a child and tying yourself to this abusive dickhead for 18 years / a lifetime would have been the mistake.

He is abusive and awful

people who love you dont call you a baby killer and sexual harass you.

Please please please dont waste your life.
Leave this awful man.

If you were my child i would want you to talk to me so I could help you through this. 💗

Aihospit · 21/05/2025 08:58

You need to feel safe, your soon to be ex boyfriend does not make you feel safe which is why he needs to be ex very quickly.

Go back to your mum's. It will feel safe so you can get over the last few hard weeks.

Then move on, free to meet someone absolutely lovely!

There's a reason the wedding vows include better or worse, sickness and health over time, you need to support each other when times are hard or difficult.

Pickingdates · 21/05/2025 08:59

Thank goodness you had an abortion.
He is scum.

If you place ANY value on your life and future, you will pack up and go to your mums.

Tell him to never contact you again.

Involve the police if he contacts you again.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk asap.

Mind yourself.

Cuppachuchu · 21/05/2025 08:59

Pack up your stuff, go back to your mums. This man is very bad news, and you can do infinitely better. Look after yourself.

insomniaclife · 21/05/2025 08:59

Good god woman. He’s a horrible man even by the standards of men.

BodenCardiganNot · 21/05/2025 08:59

The only choice you have to make now is to leave him.

FloatingTurtles · 21/05/2025 09:01

At least you have some extra reassurance that you made the right decision.
Make sure you end the relationship and don't stay with that man. That's crossed the line into being abusive.

Soontobe60 · 21/05/2025 09:01

There’s a name for men who try to force sex on women …