Renting my property to husband’s ex

[literati]

Name change for this post as some details are quite outing. For context My husband and I have been married for 8 years, I have one daughter from my first marriage and he has two daughters with his ex wife, all kids are early to mid teens, my DD lives with us 12/14 nights and my step DDs are with us 50/50. Our blended family works really well, the girls are very close, go to the same school and have mutual friends. Co-parenting with our respective ex’s is pretty amicable and we all live within 15 minutes of each other.

Now on to my dilemma, after dropping the girls off to his ex wife’s house, the girls Mum has told him that her landlord has given her notice to quit her lease and she is really struggling to find somewhere to rent that she can afford. She is single and working full time in a relatively low paid role so I totally get that it is really tough for her. My husband pays her maintenance weekly at £200 pw even though we have 50/50 care as he earns much more than her, no issue with this. I own a rental property in our town which I purchased before I met my husband there is no mortgage on it. My husband has asked if I would rent it to her for below market rent to help her out. Property is currently being let out but lease ends in September. On one hand I totally understand why he wants to help her the girls need a stable home and there is a housing crisis, on the other I am nervous to get involved in business/ finances with his ex, seems a bit too entangled. Wwyd in this situation?

If XW defaults on payments and DH must cover them, it most definitely WILL affect OP—he won’t be able to meet the financial commitments that he currently has, and OP will have to cover that shortfall.

As PP have said, it’s never a good idea to rent to friends/family. It’s a recipe for disaster, and could have serious consequences on the harmonious life that you all have ATM.

Your DH has a cheek asking you to forfeit £500 of your earnings each month for his XW. If it’s so important to him, then HE needs to stump up the £500/month they need to get them over the threshold for a property that his XW wants. Asking you to do it is out of order.

In your shoes i'd do it as you said you don't need the income. Giving the kids a stable home is important and if the financial equality can become e divisive. For example, if she can only afford a one bedroom, the kids will end up with you full time bc of money, and that's not good for their relationship with mom or siblings.

Dh does own a percentage of the matrimonial home which could be subject to a charge if ex-wife defaults, but, fortunately, he's a high earner now, having retrained and become self employed, so I'd be surprised if he couldn't cover ex-wife's rent out of income if necessary particularly as he's not paying (and never has paid) a mortgage on the matrimonial home. Thus there'll never be a need for County Court action by the landlord. Acting as a guarantor is always a risk but better his risk, given it's his ex-wife and his children, than a situation where it's the Op that's having to sacrifice £500 of rent every month. Money which was going to her own daughter.

OP - maybe try imagining yourself in her position, if the tables were turned, what you want or expect her/your husband to do?

You are the only one who.fully knows and understands the situation with all the nuances around the relationships, the money involved etc so looking at it in reverse might help

Your husband needs to come up with a solution with his ex wife that doesn't involve your rental property. They need to creatively discuss ways forward, maybe with him increasing child maintenance payments, guaranteeing her new rental, could he afford to buy a house to rent to her, maybe a shared ownership one? No matter your affection for his children, they are his responsibility.

I wouldn’t be so certain that DH has a slush fund large enough each month to cover XW’s rent if she defaults. OP did say he earns half of what she does—he did retrain, yes, but an increase on low wages isn’t always into uber rich territory. He may be paying off debts he had from his low-income days (OP said he had no assets—he could have easily been in debt), or he may have bought himself a fancy car and have an eye watering monthly car payment. We don’t know whether or not he has that much money floating around each month.

OP doesn't seem to be concerned about the cost but more about the trickiest how how long it would be for

Absolutely not. No good deed goes unpunished. I did this for my sister. She trashed my property, refused to leave when I needed to sell, threatened me and didn't pay in the end. My own flesh and blood. Previously good relationship, now nc.

Having retrained and become self employed dh is now a high earner. If ex-wife defaults, he can cover her rent out of his income, particularly as he isn't paying a mortgage on the matrimonial home. For starters, he could redirect the £800 p/m that he currently gives his ex-wife to the rent if she defaults. Ex-wife couldn't complain given they each have the children 50:50 so she has no legal entitlement to child support.

Ñim in the minority but I would say yes. If she can't rent where she is, she's going to have to look further away. How will you as a family unit feel if the girls live further away with Mom or if they have to spend more time with you because she can't adequately house them.

I know anything can happen but it hardly sounds like you're at risk of needing to sell the properties to maintain your lifestyle and the money is pure profit so you're not "losing" in the sense of against a mortgage.

How does your rental costs compare to her current rent? You don't necessarily have to offer her below market, and then husband can choose to pay her more if he wants to.

If you're a good landlord and she's a decent person, I don't see why there has to be an issue. Just be very clear what's her responsibilities and don't be a dick landlord.

He has the £800 that he currently gives his ex-wife so that would be a good start. She couldn't complain as they currently have the children 50:50 so she has no entitlement to child support. If he has a fancy car, he'll have to sell it!

I think you should do it.

But like others have said have a time limit, because you can't financially afford to do it forever.
You say the rental income is being put away for your DDs future, is any of that earmarked for you SDs?

If you are that financially secure I would do it to enable your SDs to have a stable home.

You don't know what the future will bring the ex wife may meet someone and decide to move in with them.

I would put it to her that you are helping her out but it is on day a 5year agreement.

At the moment you'd be helping your DSDs but what happens when they leave home _ would you still be willing to let their DM pay you less? If you desperately needed the money and had to sell what then? If you let anyone rent for below market rates they can't afford to move because the rents elsewhere will be way too high, even worse than now. You'd be better off upping the CM, even if you were paying the difference, because then there is a cut off date.

Never my mix business with pleasure

If she can only afford a one bed flat and the dc's go to live with OP and her DH then the ex loses out (or DH gains) to the tune of £800 per month because there is no way she is entitled to that when she doesn't even the have dcs with her.

This is not your mess OP
It is madness to use your inheritance to help the ex wife
What does she do to help herself? evening classes, laying the ground work to go back to education to better her employment chances? or relying on low income and state top ups forever?

Let her tell the council they are homeless and let the council sort this out.

Brutal, but if it were the other way around, would she heklp you? I doubt it + DH is already diverting household income to her via overly general payments because you have money.

What a shit show

I would imagine XW already uses that £800 for council tax, utilities, food, school uniform, etc; so unsure how she’d cope without it, even if she’s not technically “entitled” to it.

It's not her mess but she married the man and his ex wife and kids come as part of that deal so unfortunately she has inherited a share of "the mess"

It's not about the ex wife which everyone seems obsessively hung up on, it's about the kids, her husband's kids, her stepkids, and helping to provide them with a stable home.

Who is to say the ex wife isn't working hard to improve her finances but that the problem is that it isn't goint to be an instant fix and she just needs a bit of help at the moment?
And how can you know she wouldn't do the same for the OP if the situations were reversed?

It's so depressing to read the selfish and unkind attitudes of people on here.

True yes. Not good.

I wouldn't as it would probably get to the point where she will think why does she need to pay rent to her ex to house his children! It's a mess waiting to happen!

@literati

What's the mother doing in the effective 6mths every year that she doesn't have her children to improve her income?

As well as having her rent paid by UC, she'll be getting £200 odd a month CB, around £1500 UC top up, plus her wages, plus £866 a month gifted to her from her ex. All luxuries for her kids bought by you. And no one but herself to pay for, for half the year.

Is she for fucking real? Looking at you to house her now, in a house she can't afford, but rather than get off her arse in her copious free time or used the £866 gifted each month to put towards the rent, thinks the answer is to dock your daughter's uni fund and give her below market rent.

So when the girls turn 18 (ish) and she's lost her benefits, and can't afford anything, you'll be the bastard who's making her homeless by not allowing her to be a cheeky fucker leech for all eternity at your daughter's expense.

Where in the OP’s post is there any suggestion that the ex is irresponsible, or has a history of poor money management? Quite the opposite.

OP, if she’s prepared to sign a standard rental agreement, would that make you feel better?

Agreed! There are some really unpleasant posts about the ex wife - based on nothing substantial at all!

The OP says she is a good mum so why the assumption she's a waster, lazy, going to take the OP for a ride etc etc.

Your tenants might want to renew their lease. If I had reliable tenants I would not be willing to kick them out.

Lots of people are ‘lacking in resources’ but are very much able to prioritise essential payments and do whatever is necessary to keep the roof over their heads. O P has been nothing but kinda ing her assessment of this woman yet so many people insisting she’s a lazy, ungrateful piece of work who is out to take advantage.