For not dating an unemployed man?

[Butterfly789]

Just need some validation that I’m not a complete heartless cow!

I recently met a man via online dating and we have been chatting for a few weeks (haven’t met up yet). At first, he was a bit vague about what his job was, but eventually admitted he’s unemployed due to an accident he had 5 years ago. He says he’s unable to work because of this. I was a bit apprehensive, but carried on talking to him and arranged a date, as he’s actually really lovely and I enjoy speaking to him. This was until today when I had a bit of a ‘what am I doing?’ moment and decided this man isn’t for me. I told him this (in a diplomatic way) and he didn’t take it very well.

For context - I am 28, have a well paid professional job, am a homeowner and have a 3 year old. He is 10 years older than me, lives in council housing and as I previously mentioned, is unemployed.

Am I just being a massive snob? As I said, he’s a really lovely man, I’m just not sure how it would work with us having such different lifestyles!

She said that it was bitchy and mean to say no one would want her because she’s a single mum.

She never said that no one would want this man.

She is allowed to not want him. You seem to have a real problem with women exercising their right to choose.

Oh, you’re back again. Not sure how many different ways I can phrase this. I have stated I do not want to date a man based on the fact I think we’re incompatible. Why does that mean I should feel ok about people telling me I’m not a catch and people won’t want to date me???? Please explain.

Again, I have not said anything derogatory about this man, have not said he has limited dating prospects, in fact, I said he’s a lovely guy, twice! I’m sure that there are women who would date him, just not me!

Totally reasonable OP. Who wants to be the sole bread winner without any help.

I wouldn't date someone who's jobless either! I also wouldn't date a man that couldn't drive, had depression, anxiety and suffered with his mental health.

I once went on a date with a man who mentioned he was taking anti depressants and I never saw him again because of that.

You said ‘I’d have kept my mouth shut’ in her shoes implying she should have kept her mouth shut.

Yet you don’t like being silenced yourself.

You said he was a lovely guy and yet this man has been roundly insulted based on what you said about him for several pages.

Why is OP responsible for what other people say anonymously on an anonymous forum?

If this is you silencing me, you're not doing a very good job of it.

Well I’m not going to take responsibility for people insulting him. I didn’t personally insult him anywhere in my posts, people have drawn their own conclusions about him themselves.

You’re the one trying to silence OP, no one is trying to silence you. You got very offended at the idea that you wouldn’t like being silenced though.

Can't believe this thread is still going.
Date whoever you want to. Like men do.

No, you just let us know all the ways you consider yourself to be superior to him, based entirely on value judgements, and invited everyone to criticise him based on those value judgements.

Reading's not your strong point then. I've supported people's right to choose who they date. I've also pointed out that if it's OK for someone to decide not to date someone else because of objective factors like their economic or family situatiin, they're being hypocritical in complaining if someone else adopts the same approach to them.

I'm not offended by you in the slightest. I'd have to value your opinion first.

Have you explained why you pretended you were being sarcastic earlier?

You seem to have trouble backing your own posts.

And yet you think OP should value your opinion so much that she should have kept her mouth instead of posting here.

I don’t care if people ‘adopt the same
approach’ as me! Of course people have a right
to choose who they date for whatever reason. What I do have a problem with, is people just being downright rude about me being a single mum.

That poster is clearly a man. OP.

No, I have no trouble "backing my posts". I haven't pretended to be sarcastic anywhere, though I may well have been actually sarcastic in reply to some of the moronic comments that have been posted. Why don't you tell me which one upset you and I'll see if I can explain it to you?

If you think that I think I’m superior to him, then that sounds like a you problem. Nowhere have I said I think I’m superior, you’ve come to that conclusion all on your own. Projecting maybe?

And you're quite clearly a racist. Where do you want to go with this?

You truly have lost the plot.

But people have merely stated the fact that some people won't want to date a single mum. If it's OK for you to state that you don't want to date a man because of the fact that he's unemployed, and that's just you stating facts, how can you complain about a man not wanting to date you because of the fact you have kids. Again, you can't have it both ways.

On the contrary, you lost it and I'm trying to explain to you how to find it again. You seem out of your depth here though.

Here’s a copy and paste of you pretending your post was sarcastic. As I said, you can’t even own your own posts.

Etaerio · Today 06:56
Well, I wouldn't be sure she can do better. She's past the first flush of youth and having a 3 year-old isn't a selling point.

nomas
So 28 year old woman in a well paid professional job with her own home can’t do better than a nearly 40 year old unemployed council tenant?
Delulu.

Etaerio Today
It's no fun mocking snobbery if you make it too obvious!

AGAIN, my issue isn’t with people stating some men won’t want to date a single mum. I’m fully aware of that and don’t need to be told. My problem is people throwing insults at me saying ‘I’m not the catch I think I am’ and implying I should basically just give up on dating altogether because no one will ever want me. It’s rude (and not true). I’m not sure why you don’t understand this but I’m done trying to explain now, you can be deliberately obtuse if you want to, but I won’t be engaging any further.