For not dating an unemployed man?

[Butterfly789]

Just need some validation that I’m not a complete heartless cow!

I recently met a man via online dating and we have been chatting for a few weeks (haven’t met up yet). At first, he was a bit vague about what his job was, but eventually admitted he’s unemployed due to an accident he had 5 years ago. He says he’s unable to work because of this. I was a bit apprehensive, but carried on talking to him and arranged a date, as he’s actually really lovely and I enjoy speaking to him. This was until today when I had a bit of a ‘what am I doing?’ moment and decided this man isn’t for me. I told him this (in a diplomatic way) and he didn’t take it very well.

For context - I am 28, have a well paid professional job, am a homeowner and have a 3 year old. He is 10 years older than me, lives in council housing and as I previously mentioned, is unemployed.

Am I just being a massive snob? As I said, he’s a really lovely man, I’m just not sure how it would work with us having such different lifestyles!

Why would she keep it to herself when she could talk about it anonymously on a forum where the majority of people have agreed with her and affirmed to her that it’s absolutely fine to choose not to date someone because he is unemployed, in a council home and disabled? That she can reject any man for any reason she wants? Isn’t that a basic right?

And there isn't anything wrong with thay it's how you say it. Wanting financial compatability, at the same level or same attitudes towards money as yourself is far better then what's been said here.

What has OP said that you find so wrong?

Nah @Spectre8 I've said the same thing as OP but you seem keen on policing her language for some reason.

I don't think anyone here has insisted she should date him.

But you’re saying she shouldn’t post here. Why would you even say that. The forum is for all, anyone can post here.

I wouldn't be so sure that they're women.

Yep

No, I didn't. I said I'd have kept my mouth shut about it if I was rejecting men I really liked because of their social status, because I wouldn't expect a good reception to my value judgement.

Interesting choice of words. Why should
women keep their mouth shut about the men they don’t want to date?

I’d give up trying to reason with half of this lot @Butterfly789!!! You can’t win can you! 😂😂😂

I totally understand that a relationship should be equally yoked. Im a single mother and I work hard to give her the best I can. If someone comes along and they can’t meet me more or less half way I wouldn’t be interested because it’s hard work looking after a child a home and working hard. You don’t even need to justify that.

I’m sorry but in my view, someone who is out and about daily and drives for extended periods of time is at least capable of getting a part time job working at home for example.

The same reason why I don't particularly want to hear from men that they've rejected a woman they like because they think they can "do better" than a single mother.

of course they are. He is lazy

This thread is honkers by the way

You can avoid the thread if you don't want to hear about why OP doesn't want to date this guy.

Oh, you have his diagnosis there? How did you manage to get that through the screen?

Please, do share with the group.

Or, more accurately, you don't understand the point.

And you can avoid reading my comments if you don't like them 😚

You're wrong. If someone decided not to date someone because they were of population group x and they thought that all members of group x were dirty and dishonest then they should think about their prejudices even though it's there choice of who to date.

While according to OP, pointing out that some people won't want to date a woman with children is being bitchy and mean. Ain't hypocrisy grand?

So OP should keep her mouth shut but you can post whatever you like?

Nails it!

I didn't tell OP to shut up. I said that in her position, I'd keep information that made me look like I wasn't a very good person to myself.

Same advice I gave at the beginning at the thread.