To make my daughter do ballet

[Hairyragemachine]

When I was 5, my mum enrolled me in ballet classes. I went to about six, then decided I didn't want to do it, so my mum took me out of them.

I now have a 5 year old, who has just done her grade 1 ballet exam. However she now says she doesn't want to do it any more. There doesn't seem to be an underlying reason per se, I think she just finds it a drag to give up an hour of saturday morning. This week we had tears and a tantrum and eventually I gave up forcing it, as she had a bad night and very busy week.

But should I allow her to just quit all together? Given it's so good for balance, confidence (she is a performer!), friendships (she has lots there) and discipline, posture... should I make her go for a bit longer?

I wish my mum had not allowed me to just give up - or come to think of it to give up piano, violin, french, guides, tap dancing - lots of hobbies which I wish I was good at now and had stuck at. I needed her to be my self discipline until I was old enough to be my own.

Or - is it mean to force a 5 year old to ballet (she also does tap and modern) when she doesn't want to go? What if she is missing out on a career as an international prima ballerina? Let me know what you think please!

Yeah tell me about the feet! They are literally destroyed for the art …

I think we agree actually. I would never push someone into ballet. Or pretty much any hobby. I just don’t like all the that about the stupid hair and stupid uniform and ridiculous requirements. That’s just part of ballet and if your child is a natural ballerina they will love all of that. Most children aren’t. My daughter has loved ballet since day 1 and hated all the more creative options - said they were too loud and scary. She loves standing in a line wearing exactly what she’s meant to wear and doing exactly what everyone else does. Most children don’t and shouldn’t be forced to do it for their parents.

Yes. If it’s a passion, it’s a passion and that’s a wonderful thing.

But it’s a tough choice for a child who doesn’t genuinely love it.

ETA I think a parent needs to be aware it quickly becomes a hobby that picks and chooses. Most hobbies and sports do but the “ rejection criteria” are a little more vague and less black and white.

It is odd that the dress and the hair seem so central though for a form of dance that is so much about form. DD's friends were chastised for not having hair that sat in bun because they had braids and a bob. Who cares if you can do the moves!?

But a bob would … well … bob about! And braids flick about.
With a bob you also can’t get an unobstructed view of the neck which ruins the lines.

I’m surprised she got to wear flowers for an exam. Which board is it?

For character one year my daughter had a flower head dress thing. So maybe the character dance?

Yes maybe. My teacher was a dragon about these things. We HAD to have our hair back without even clips, pins or slides other than in the bun itself!

Stop the ballet classes. Most little girls HATE ballet.

Yup, they keep saying pull your tummy in, turn your feet out, chin up, bottom in etc. Hair bun gives you a headache, leotard gives you a wedgie and makes it a total pita to go to the loo. And you have to remember lots of routines. There’s not much to love. Except leaps. Leaps are amazing. And gallops can be fun!

The dire warnings that if you don’t “push” young children they will become screen addled layabouts as teens is nonsense. We did a broad selection of activities some were dropped as they didnt enjoy them each girl of their own volition chose one activity that they actually enjoyed then voluntarily did until 16.

They both wanted to have a “thing” that they did as most of their friends did. When the activity was chosen they did it gladly from 13-16 with no parental pushing needed.

No I wouldn't be forcing a 5 year old to do something they clearly don't want to do, if she is crying about it then she is obviously unhappy about something to do with the ballet, maybe she is being pushed too hard by the teacher and its hurting her, either way I would be telling her she can stop if that's what she wants

She’s 5. Does tap and modern. Maybe she wants her Saturday back. To lie in /chill etx

weekends are meenr to be fun

I won’t sign up for any sat sun activities

if paid to end of year as most activities are then finish the term. If she wants to stop then. It’s fine

or maybe wants on a week day after school

But strangely enough, not for the boys.

I think the argument re line is quite invalid now that society is trying a little harder not to brush safeguarding issues under the carpet. And honestly if a teacher can’t judge head and neck position on a 5 year old because of a bob, what’s the point?

Boys in my daughter’s class have to either have short hair or have it pulled up and back. Same as the girls. They can have short hair but they can’t have hair that swings around.

all this stuff only gets more intense each year so for anyone finding it challenging when your children are young, this activity isn’t for you. And that’s fine! So many other options.

wish someone had been honest with us when my son signed up for the wee ones football. Now I’m driving him to the middle of nowhere every Sunday morning to listen to a bunch of grown men yell at children and I hate it.

Lol are you sure your teacher didn’t tell your mum to remove you because you weren’t good enough? That’s what my ballet teacher did… perhaps your mother just didn’t tell you

You sound like the mums on dance mums! 😆 You can't force your child to do ballet just because you want it! That's how you make a kid resent and hate you and they'd have every reason to do so

Yep. The fact that ballet puts so much emphasis on form is precisely why they want hair up and out of the way; so they can see the head, neck and shoulder positions.

Boys would have to tie it back if it impaired the line.

But ballet is a very visual art and the body is given completely to it. There are plenty of holds where the man lifts the ballerina and places his hands in ways safeguarding could have a field day with.

But if you take out “the lines” ballet almost ceases to exist and becomes people jumping or wafting about in a hall. It’s hard to explain but the lines are kind of what it’s about.

eta children don’t have those lifts done to them. But having their hair in a bun is seen as acceptable request for young ballerinas. One of the key benefits of ballet as a discipline is exactly that: the discipline.

If you take out the lines, it becomes people on Strictly doing bad contempo-waft

I don't know about the lifts thing; I'd say the hand placement in lifts is very carefully designed so that the women are always held and touched in pretty neutral places.

Maybe I was just a bit prudish! 🤣

But yes, if you take out the lines, the discipline, the placement, the “ shapes” and the pain bad Strictly is pretty much what you would be left with @LittleBitofBread !

I was recently watching the film about Steven McRae coming back from injury, and it occurred to me when I was watching him lifting partners how careful they seemed to be. I mean, it gets pretty close to the bone sometimes, when they're being lifted by their iliac crests, or the man basically has his nose in their abdomen, but it seems clear to me that everyone is being very careful and respectful.

I don’t have many regrets about the way I patented my children, but a big one is making them do things I wanted them to do, rather than letting them give them up after a decent stab…

Yes I think they do try.
But it inevitably becomes a bit “nose meet crotch.”