My partner’s son’s girlfriend stays Fri-Sun every weekend - I’d like a weekend on our own

[ThatKindStork]

Sorry, long first post!!
My partner’s son has a new girlfriend. Within 3 dates, he’d brought her home to stay the weekend and she’s been staying every weekend since then (4 weekends on the trot), Fri-Sun. He doesn’t even ask his dad if she can stay, he just brings her home.
This isn’t his first girlfriend, this is his fourth and he’s only just turned 18. The first GF used to stay for weeks on end which used to cause issues.
I’ve asked my partner to have a word with his son to say she can’t stay every weekend as I want us to have some time together, but also because my partner works every other weekend so we only get 2 weekends out of 4 to do anything.
My OH always gets defensive, says it’s his son’s home too (I live with him) and “do I want him to kick him out”, “where is he going to go”. (his girlfriend’s/his mum’s?) which is absolutely not what I’m asking. When I say it’s supposedly my home too, he just gets worse.
The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.
The fact that we can hear them having sex after he told them to be discreet, shows the son has absolutely no respect for us.
Am I being unreasonable asking for weekends without them staying? I don’t think I am but my OH doesn’t get what the issue is. He even said to me when I told him I could hear them having sec above my head that “it wouldn’t bother me, I’d have just turned my music up”?!
I feel like I’m invisible in the household 😓

@ForAquaMember that's just it. I’m moaning if I bring anything up. My son would have to ask me for anyone to stay not just waltz in with them, week in week out.
it’s about respect and they have none.

He’d probably say in that scenario it’d be disrespectful because it would be our home, whereas this house is mine and both you and my son girlfriend are guests

@Northernparent68 not sure I’m a guest if I’m contributing and discussed a future with the OH. Work caused me to move in with him if it had been the other way round, he’d have moved in with me. Even then his son would be welcome to stay with a GF but not every week. As my son wouldn’t have his GF stay every week.

It may be your home, but it's his house
just like it is his son's home but still his dad's house

so sadly dad's decisions are the ones that count

why did his work matter more than yours ?

or do you no longer work ?

which sends him straight to the dump zone for any woman with any self respect. Who would live with anyone who says it’s my house so you get no say in other randoms living here every weekend? Op needs to leave (& NOT come back to look after a dog)

@ThatKindStork

What was the future plan for you and DP? Were you working towards marriage or selling up and buying a house together?

Is it progressing or have you moved in and progress stopped?

What are your plans now?

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon i work from home that’s why I moved in.
The problem is, it’s not his dad’s decisions. 9 times out of 10 he’s not asked if anyone can stay. For example, a previous girlfriend used to stay for weeks on end. No notice given, no thanks, no introductions. My OH has no balls when it comes to his son.

@MarkingBad he’d said he wanted to marry me. I moved in and everything was fine for a while. Not so much now. The son just does what he wants with no regard to anyone. He doesn’t even ask if anyone can stay, he just brings them home.

Ignore the son issue for now, have you got engaged, do you have a date set or has that not been discussed in recent months?

I think it’s been Future Faking.

Sadly his house, his rules.

Do you contribute to the household? Is it 50/50? If so, then you should have some say.

Could you book into a hotel some weekends for a break?

What's just it? Can you quote the posts, please? It's very frustrating 😂

@CowTown sorry if I’m being a bit dense but I don’t know what that means 🤣

@Bumblebeestiltskin sorry! I’ve only just figured out where “quote” is. Bear with me while I find the original response.

Even if the son does go travelling he will be back. But that's not the point. Your DP has behaved so poorly there is nothing to stay for.

It's interesting the messages your partner is giving an 18yo man - you don't have to acknowledge or be polite to the woman I live with. I won't allow her to speak to you directly about any issues and will give you my own soft-focus version of anything she mentions so you don't have to be told anything by a woman.

He probably tells everyone his son is his best friend.

Future Faking is when men make promises about the future that they don’t intend to follow through on. Promises of buying a house together, getting engaged, having babies, etc.

He could have been Future Faking the engagement.

That your DP love-bombed you and presented some amazing imaginary future together which he totally failed to deliver because he is not the real deal himself.

OP honestly this sounds like a hellish home life for you, and a hellish way to live.

I would leave, and then when looking for a new bloke, only consider those who are child free. Because fuck living like that.

I'm not sure about future faking it sounds like an intentional act. In a lot of cases it may have been intended but then they get comfortable and want to keep the status quo.

It would really only be future faking if he is still making those promises but no progression is ever made or suggested from him

She could write a similar post saying "my partner's dad's girlfriend is always there"

The sons gf doesn't pay household bills or do the wife work so no sons gf would not have a similar op at all

“I go to my BF’s house and there’s some lady there who pays half of the bills. She expects me to say hello when I enter the house and is offended by our loud shagging. AIBU?”

@MeridianB i think you’ve nailed it accurately there.
I have said he love bombed me and now when I challenge him does the whole “he’s a victim routine”.

😆
That lady i don't talk to probably won't let my bf or me contribute towards the expenses and the tidying up either, how mean can you be!

Seriously, I'm a completely different generation I'd bust a gut to ask if I could help tidy mess I'd made or at least do the washing up or stack dishwasher if I ate there. I certainly wouldn't want his parents to hear sex noises.

If that's the case he's never going to change. At present he doesn't have to because you've tried giving him an ultimatum and he does nothing, and you didn't carry it out so he's calling it a bluff.