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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner’s son’s girlfriend stays Fri-Sun every weekend - I’d like a weekend on our own

257 replies

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 16:09

Sorry, long first post!!
My partner’s son has a new girlfriend. Within 3 dates, he’d brought her home to stay the weekend and she’s been staying every weekend since then (4 weekends on the trot), Fri-Sun. He doesn’t even ask his dad if she can stay, he just brings her home.
This isn’t his first girlfriend, this is his fourth and he’s only just turned 18. The first GF used to stay for weeks on end which used to cause issues.
I’ve asked my partner to have a word with his son to say she can’t stay every weekend as I want us to have some time together, but also because my partner works every other weekend so we only get 2 weekends out of 4 to do anything.
My OH always gets defensive, says it’s his son’s home too (I live with him) and “do I want him to kick him out”, “where is he going to go”. (his girlfriend’s/his mum’s?) which is absolutely not what I’m asking. When I say it’s supposedly my home too, he just gets worse.
The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.
The fact that we can hear them having sex after he told them to be discreet, shows the son has absolutely no respect for us.
Am I being unreasonable asking for weekends without them staying? I don’t think I am but my OH doesn’t get what the issue is. He even said to me when I told him I could hear them having sec above my head that “it wouldn’t bother me, I’d have just turned my music up”?!
I feel like I’m invisible in the household 😓

OP posts:
Fruitbat99 · 20/05/2025 22:59

It does sound like you have a bit of a problem with his son. If the issue is you want some time without his gf, what has him having had 4 girlfriends got to do with it? I dont think its his son's fault his dad folds his clothes. And I don't think its disrespectful to have sex, its unfortunate you can hear it. Maybe you should say something and not try to get his dad to if his dad hasn't got a problem

4forksache · 20/05/2025 23:00

You need to give an ultimatum and mean it. There really does need to be some compromise as it’s your home too.

Presumably you are thinking he will let you leave?

Fruitbat99 · 20/05/2025 23:01

Rollofrockandsand · 20/05/2025 17:03

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. No 18 year old need to have a girlfriend staying every weekend and I totally get it’s an intrusion. Having said that it’s poor parenting by your partner.

What has his age got to do with it? He's an adult. Does a 30 year old have. Arrested need to have their gf round than an 18 year old??

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 20/05/2025 23:09

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 18:21

There’s lots more. I guess I’ve tried really hard to keep it together but for what? Daily battles, disrespect? Tbh it’s affected my health too. So I shouldn’t really worry about anyone but myself. Let’s face it, they don’t.

You’re very unhappy and it’s affecting your health so it’s time to lay down some hard boundaries, with the consequence being that you will move out if they are not agreed to and stuck to. Honestly, it sounds like you’d be better off out of there anyway. Time for your partner to decide if his priority is keeping you there or an ‘easy’ life of never having to parent his son.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 20/05/2025 23:59

You need to move out:
give your tenants the required notice to vacate;
tell your partner you are moving to save your relationship, otherwise end it.
Pack up, your furniture to storage, stay with your dad or get a short-term rental for the interim.
Don't continue to stew over it. The resentment you are feeling won't abate, your OH won't change and your relationship will likely have a better chance if survival if you go now.

Ohnobackagain · 21/05/2025 00:28

I think while some of this is lack of boundaries from your DP, you also have different standards (because he is not as bothered as you). I don’t think it’s going to work; sorry @ThatKindStork I’d be looking to move out when your tenant’s lease runs out.

Seventree · 21/05/2025 00:38

Do you mean some weekends without the girlfriend or without your stepson too?

YourOnMute · 21/05/2025 01:06

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think it's perfectly ok that you have a weekend where there are no strangers in the house. I wouldn't want my adult child's partner over every weekend. If he doesn't like it tough, he can move out and see if his flatmates like having her round every weekend.
However it sounds like you have a partner problem. If I was working nights and my child was noisy on purpose I'd be furious! Clearly the son is placed above you and you're treated almost like a lodger.

TooGoodToGoto · 21/05/2025 01:13

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:18

yeah. That’s what I said to the OH at the weekend. I also should have said he was on nights and they stayed over and kept him awake all Saturday morning and when he actually said to his son can you keep it quiet, he had a strop and went out. So I had to come back from where I was to ensure the dogs weren’t on their own. I was looking after my poorly dad at the time.

No you didn’t have to come back, you should’ve said no.

Why a dog needs looking after whilst someone sleeps, I’ve no idea.

But it’s not your job or the DS job for that matter.

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 08:22

Without the girlfriend

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 08:24

That’s pretty much what I say to him. His reply “I’m trying to keep everyone happy”. Clearly just pandering to others.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 08:26

Yes. I already gave an ultimatum, packed some stuff up and then tried to change a few things but not his son’s gf being there every weekend. My stuff is still packed up btw.

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 21/05/2025 08:27

ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 08:24

That’s pretty much what I say to him. His reply “I’m trying to keep everyone happy”. Clearly just pandering to others.

Girl just leave. You aren’t appreciated or respected. This man allows his son, a whole man, to walk all over you and talk to you like shit while he expects you to be he his own skivvy cleaning up after him. You moved to spend more time with him. When is that even happening? Where’s the joy? Where’s the fun?

Surely being on your own is better than this shit

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 08:32

@TheJinxMinx they stay in his bedroom, don’t tidy up after themselves (the son never dies and OH clears up after his mess all the time) so basically yes, we get no alone time.

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 21/05/2025 08:32

@ThatKindStork

It's very difficult to see who you are replying to as this thread has moved so fast.

When you reply to someone click quote and when you reply it will show who you are replying to

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 08:57

@YourOnMute that’s how I feel

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 09:00

@ForAquaMember yes sorry I should have said (and I didn’t know I had to @ to reply so apologies to all that my responses are all over the shop!). I moved in here and yes I pay for food/dog food/fuel/broadband/tv. We pay about equal - he pays bills that were set up before.

OP posts:
Firefly100 · 21/05/2025 09:04

In your position OP I would move out. You cannot live with people who do not respect your wishes without that taking an unhealthy toll. However this is his son’s home so he should not be expected to leave. Either I would move into a short term rental whilst your tenant finds a new property or wait until your tenant vacates depending on how bad you feel the situation is. If you love your partner, you could still continue the relationship (although I would struggle to respect someone who could not parent adequately). I would then only move back in together either if he comes (alone) to your place or if you both buy/rent somewhere new together and his son has alternative arrangements. I would also insist in those circumstances he pulls his weight at home.

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 09:06

@Platespace i have asked time and time for us to all sit down together and sort things out, but OH goes off and speaks to his son alone because the son “doesn’t like confrontation”. Sitting down and discussing issues isn’t confrontational. His behaviours are not what I’d expect of a son tbh, but then his dad has enabled it so I guess I shouldn’t worry that his dad does all the stuff for his son. But it affects our relationship. Which I’ve been trying to save. I’m not sure why now tbh with a lot of the helpful responses from all the lovely people on MN.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 09:13

@TheHerboriste I tend to do more as the OH just does the “basics”.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 09:14

@Veganpug i wasn’t moved in as this week’s shag. We at that point had planned a future together.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatKindStork · 21/05/2025 09:29

@Oxo01 he is at college. Does nothing around the house or for anyone but himself. He’s rude to me, barges past me through doorways, doesn’t speak, used to move my stuff around all the time. The issue is because I’ve called him out on his poor behaviours (without backup from the OH), he doesn’t like me so I have to put up with him purposely ignoring me. I’ve never said I don’t like him, I just don’t like his behaviours. I’ve put up with it long enough. It didn’t start off like this though. My OH was kind, caring, treated me like a queen and now doesn’t. So…. 😓

OP posts:
nellly · 21/05/2025 09:29

But are you asking the son not to be there either for these weekends? As surely you won’t have a weekend to yourselves whether the gf is there or not

MeridianB · 21/05/2025 09:31

the son “doesn’t like confrontation” and Does nothing around the house or for anyone but himself. He’s rude to me, barges past me through doorways, doesn’t speak

What a credit to society this person is. Your DH is doing him zero favours by enabling all this. He is setting him up to fail in the world.

I wouldn't give either of them a second thought, OP. Begin your exit plan asap and you will be so much happier.

JustAboutHangingInThere · 21/05/2025 09:33

Sounds like you’re compromising everything for this relationship and enough is enough. Time to start prioritising you and your needs, which are clearly not being met. Good luck OP x

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