Family have fallen out with me and not attending my wedding

[Summerinsicily]

I am getting married in 11 months and we have decided on a child free wedding. It has caused awful upset and fall outs to the point where some of my family members now aren’t speaking to me and saying they aren’t coming.

My auntie has 4 very young children and is saying she can’t get babysitters for them. So because she is upset, my grandparents have told me they are disappointed that I’m not inviting my young cousins and that it’s not on, it’s selfish and they won’t be attending.

I’ve been in tears over this, it’s all been very stressful. I’ve come extremely close to just cancelling the wedding and losing my deposits but my fiancé knows that I would probably regret that in the future and thinks we should keep it as it is. I am just wondering, do you think my auntie and grandparents are reasonable to stop speaking to me because of this?

No, I agree. As I said in my previous post, it isn't reasonable for them to stop talking to the OP simply because of her choice to have a child free wedding.

But in truth, we don't know the whole back story. We don't know how the OP may have reacted when her family members declined the invitation.

Only with entitled CF. Normal people will accept or decline the invitation, not make it all about themselves and throw a massive tantrum about it.

I had a child free wedding and even our 1 year old was with a nanny for most of the day!!

we did allow babes in arms though eg babies 6 months and under who needed bf or milk. So we had 2 tiny babies.

how old are your aunts kids? If the youngest if like 2 then she is BU

Sorry forgot to answer what a lot of people are asking. The children are 5(twins), 3 and a baby who will be turning 1 this summer.

and no, no other children have been invited. As I said, it is a child free wedding

She’s got 11 months to sort childcare, or if she has a partner they can look after them.

Crazy to have no childcare back up just in case (unless they’re going to your wedding obvs)

The thing is @Summerinsicily is that by excluding children, you're automatically excluding multiple adults as well. Childcare is expensive, especially for four children, even if you do have months to organise it.

I do think people are overreacting but I also understand why they're upset - weddings are traditionally family events and get-togethers - excluding a large number of family members is the total opposite of that.

You have every right to have the kind of wedding you want.

They have every right to decide not to come if they can't easily get childcare.

It shouldn't have to become a big drama like this at all, and no need for grandparents to get involved other than "oh what a shame the kids can't come to this one, maybe there'll be other weddings they can go to when they're older"

Maybe she doesn't want to sort childcare because she doesn't want to attend without them. That's also her prerogative.

Their dad…?

It's unreasonable of them to stop talking to you and for your GPs to refuse to come.

does your aunt actually have anyone to babysit though if all family members are at the wedding? I know I wouldn't and finding an all day and evening babysitter for 4 kids would be very expensive

I fully agree, auntie should decline if she doesn’t want to get childcare.

But the way she has reacted is rude

By having a child free wedding (except for babies in arms) we managed to exclude a good number of adults we didn't really want there 😁

I do agree they've overreacted, but I do think it's a bit short-sighted to exclude large numbers of family from your wedding.

The wedding is in 11 months. Surely they can find a sitter by then.
Your wedding your rules.

But OP clearly wants her family there, as she's upset by the fall out it's caused.

If you exclude your lovely aunt's children, or whatever, that's going to cause a rift whether you want it to or not. Child-free weddings seem huge on here but IRL I don't know anyone who would tell relatives they can't bring their kids to a big family event like a wedding.

Of course they’re being manipulative. They’re giving OP the silent treatment and banding against her.

The grandparents don’t have young children sl why aren’t they attending?

Could you compromise and say children home by 7pm

What will upset you the most ? Having children at your wedding or long term rift with family? It’s your decision.

It's probably not about finding a sitter, it's about them feeling excluded.

Because they disagree with OP's decision and are supporting their daughter.

Yeah I don’t understand why the grandparents are making such a big deal of it.

Even if they disagree with child free weddings, it’s an extreme reaction.

It's my opinion too. Genuine question, why do people have child free weddings?

They think you’ve effectively excluded your auntie from your wedding and are making a moral stand. Personally I don’t think they really needed to get involved but you don’t get to make a fuss about it and override their morals.

Either plan a wedding that is inclusive to your family or don’t, but accept the consequences. They won’t hold it against you forever but it’s fair that they don’t want to partake in a family event that is so exclusionary towards your auntie. Just tell them you can’t afford it so you aren’t budging and move forward with a guest list that doesn’t include them.

You don't have kids of your own do you op? You might be in this situation in years to come where you may have a baby and unable to attend an event because you are struggling for childcare/feel they are too young to leave. Your wedding/family relations tho, do as you will. Personally i dont understand a childfree wedding 🤷🏻‍♀️

@fisherlong this is exactly what you need to weigh up OP.