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Original poster

Family have fallen out with me and not attending my wedding

1000 replies

Summerinsicily · 20/05/2025 12:38

I am getting married in 11 months and we have decided on a child free wedding. It has caused awful upset and fall outs to the point where some of my family members now aren’t speaking to me and saying they aren’t coming.

My auntie has 4 very young children and is saying she can’t get babysitters for them. So because she is upset, my grandparents have told me they are disappointed that I’m not inviting my young cousins and that it’s not on, it’s selfish and they won’t be attending.

I’ve been in tears over this, it’s all been very stressful. I’ve come extremely close to just cancelling the wedding and losing my deposits but my fiancé knows that I would probably regret that in the future and thinks we should keep it as it is. I am just wondering, do you think my auntie and grandparents are reasonable to stop speaking to me because of this?

OP posts:
Tiegs · 20/05/2025 19:24

Hate when people do this . It’s a family event so why don’t you want the children there ? It’s not like you’re looking after them . Yes they have every right to be annoyed at you and not want to attend

whynotmereally · 20/05/2025 19:25

Leave them to it . If your aunt can’t come fair enough but your grandparents are being spiteful

nomas · 20/05/2025 19:28

Tiegs · 20/05/2025 19:24

Hate when people do this . It’s a family event so why don’t you want the children there ? It’s not like you’re looking after them . Yes they have every right to be annoyed at you and not want to attend

How have you decided it’s a family event? Is the aunt paying for her and children?

Tiredandfrazzledmum · 20/05/2025 19:30

I am not trying to be antagonistic to you but what is it about having children at the wedding that you think will be so bad? Ultimately it is your day but in what ways would children ruin that?
I have zero childcare or support and 2 children. My cousin was having a childfree wedding and when I explained that I could come but my DH would have to watch the kids, she graciously said both children could come. I can understand that your gps probably feel you are deliberately excluding family from a family event. Is the childfree part so worth the fall out?
That being said, I do not think they should be nasty to you over it. It is your wedding and your choice, even if they do not agree.

Tiegs · 20/05/2025 19:31

You make no sense . Weddings are for family and friends to celebrate on your special day many people have children and if you want them to attend so will their children . If you exclude the children of course the parents won’t be coming

ThriveIn2025 · 20/05/2025 19:32

TheHerboriste · 20/05/2025 16:56

Why did you not have any options for childcare?

Show quote history

No one would take my youngest because of their SEN and family that will are unreliable or invited! I couldn’t leave them with someone they don’t know for very long. Certainly not more than an hour.

Livpool · 20/05/2025 19:32

I personally don’t like child- free weddings but if I couldn’t, or didn’t want to, go then I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it

Lollipop2025 · 20/05/2025 19:33

I hate the way children aren't seen as family.
Your choices have consequences.

SALaw · 20/05/2025 19:35

@JemimaPiddlepotcourse you could. What would the answer be? No it isn’t worth it

TonTonMacoute · 20/05/2025 19:36

How on earth does your aunt know that she can't get childcare in 11 months time? 🤔

Arran2024 · 20/05/2025 19:44

TonTonMacoute · 20/05/2025 19:36

How on earth does your aunt know that she can't get childcare in 11 months time? 🤔

Because she can't afford it?
Because she has 4 kids under 7, which is a lot to ask of someone?
Because she won't leave her kids with a teenage babysitter or someone the kids don't know?
Because everyone she knows is at the wedding?

Ifpicklesweretickles · 20/05/2025 19:47

It's your day of course and you are welcome to invite or not invite whoever you like but ultimately it's very selfish and self absorbed to exclude them and it's others right to judge you for excluding your family on age grounds or putting the mother or father in the position of that they can't go as there clearly won't be anyone to leave them with.
Naive and offensive.

Ingogneetoh · 20/05/2025 19:48

The level of entitlement is so interesting. Why on earth would you imagine that someone else's wedding is about and what you want?

If you can't go due to lack of childcare then that's the answer - your response is to say thank you but I won't be able to make it, have a wonderful day. Not to stamp your feet and demand people cater to you and your brood. It's not your day, you don't win them all!

Ifpicklesweretickles · 20/05/2025 19:49

TonTonMacoute · 20/05/2025 19:36

How on earth does your aunt know that she can't get childcare in 11 months time? 🤔

Do you know how children work? Who is going to look after 4 kids including a toddler for the whole day? And have the kids be happy with it.

Ifpicklesweretickles · 20/05/2025 19:50

Tiegs · 20/05/2025 19:31

You make no sense . Weddings are for family and friends to celebrate on your special day many people have children and if you want them to attend so will their children . If you exclude the children of course the parents won’t be coming

Well put

Whoarethoseguys · 20/05/2025 19:52

They are unreasonable to stop talking to you they are not unreasonable to not attend your wedding.
Personally I don't like child free weddings because I think they are a coming together of two families and that includes children.
I wouldn't stop talking to someone because of it as it is completely your choice. But you have to accept that it makes things difficult for people with children and they probably won't attend.

Excitedbride2b · 20/05/2025 19:54

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/05/2025 15:36

Childcare for four children of that age? Difficult. Best case scenario from the children's point of view would be their fraternal grandparents, but they might not be able to care for the all unaided / safely. Four kids is a big ask. Has your aunt ever used non-family babysitters? Or even family babysitters?

What I'm trying to get at is - who did you think would be stepping up to (or being paid to) look after these four children? Or did you just have a vague non-specific 'somebody will do it' idea?

Show quote history

Fraternal? Do you mean paternal?

Gm26 · 20/05/2025 19:55

My sister recently got married, and I realised that when it comes to planning a wedding, no matter what you do you'll upset someone. It was a child free wedding - and was so much better for it. Everyone was able to really relax and get involved without the worry of children, and in all honesty I don't think many children find weddings particularly fun either! It's true that some people won't be able to attend, but to not attend 'on principle' is poor from your family, it's not their wedding to call the shots. Please don't feel bad for doing what you and your fiance want - it's YOUR wedding xx

Clairesp85 · 20/05/2025 19:56

I had a child free wedding and it was the best choice. It's your wedding, your special day- don't let people dictate how that should go!

Ifpicklesweretickles · 20/05/2025 19:56

Summerinsicily · 20/05/2025 17:23

I have just got home from work so can now properly explain a bit more.

on my fiancés side, his cousin has 3 kids. The youngest one is fine, but the older two boys are absolutely feral. They are loud and destructive and just generally not well behaved. At a family bbq last year they broke things, spoiled things for other children, and kept fighting with each other. They mum had to keep telling them off, all throughout the BBQ all you could hear every 20 minutes was her shouting at them telling them to pack it in. At one point the older of the two bit the other ones arm so bad it was bleeding everywhere. After everyone left, they were the last ones remaining and the boys were picking up stones from our garden and launching them at each other. I absolutely don’t want these children at the wedding. We were trying to discuss how we would tell the cousin that her children aren’t invited and others are. However, we realised that we wouldn’t actually care if no children came because we don’t have close relationships to any of the children in our family. DP is an only child and I have a brother and a sister who are both child free. There’s no other children on my side other than aunties kids who I rarely see. My auntie and I don’t have a close relationship but I would still like her to be at the wedding if she can make it, if not, I understand and would not have been upset or offended with a polite decline.

People are bringing up instagram wedding and I’m not sure why you think that. I do have instagram but the last time I posted on it was a picture of my cat in 2022. It’s not about an aesthetic, it’s about the atmosphere of the day. This will be a grown up celebration where parents can let their hair down and have a night off and not have to worry about what their child is up to or stopping them from fussing etc. I understand that some people don’t care about that and would love to spend that day with their kids there and see weddings as events for the whole family, but that isn’t how we want to do our wedding. And whether you agree with it or not, I really hope that you wouldn’t react like my family have with your own family. This hasn’t been done with malice. I haven’t wanted to cause upset. We have thought about the kind of day we want and the relationship that we have to the children, and whether we would enjoy children from extended family there causing havoc. If you would do your wedding differently, that is your right. But this is our turn to organise our wedding and I don’t want our decisions manipulated by other people

Edited

Your wedding will be hard work for most of your guests, sorry. Most people don't want to be there. You are making it extra difficult by excluding children. If someone prefers to not bring their kids then they'll just do that. But excluding family because of age is rude. And knowing how hard it would he for someone witb 4 under 7 including a baby. You'll understand it when you have kids yourself and likely will be highly embarrassed by your behaviour.
Just have the kids and have fun. Not a 12 hour tedium.

Whoarethoseguys · 20/05/2025 19:59

JDM625 · 20/05/2025 12:49

Your aunt has 11 mths to find a babysitter! 🙄

I met with a cousin and her children a few weeks after we got engaged. The kids showed me how they would be holding their bouquets and 'walked down the aisle' together. NO- I hadn't asked them to be flower girls, this was purely my cousins assumption!

I had a child free wedding and no children in the wedding party.

Perhaps she doesn't want to leave her 4 young children including a baby with a random babysitter ..even if someone was willing to do it i wouldn't .

Scentedjasmin · 20/05/2025 19:59

I don't understand child free weddings personally. At mine I had a room set aside with some toys/books and supplies in so that if people had young children and they needed a bit of down time they could go in there and have a play. If people came and brought their kids, could you hire a baby sitter for them, if the parents were comfortable with that and set up a separate area or arrange it with the hotel that they are staying in? If you want a child free wedding, then you have to accept that some people won't be able to go and may feel hurt. Do you have children yourself? If not, but then you do in the future, then you will understand the logistical and emotional difficulties involved in leaving small children and babies.

Ifpicklesweretickles · 20/05/2025 20:01

Clairesp85 · 20/05/2025 19:56

I had a child free wedding and it was the best choice. It's your wedding, your special day- don't let people dictate how that should go!

You do you. Never mind others despising you for it and the inconvenience your weeding has been.

Beeloux · 20/05/2025 20:02

If I had 4 young kids, I wouldn’t be leaving them with a babysitter to attend your wedding. You need to accept people who have children may well not come.

It’s your choice but personally I find childfree or destination weddings rather pretentious.

Scentedjasmin · 20/05/2025 20:03

Actually, having read your latest post, i can completely understand not wanting his cousins kids there! They sound fecking awful as does their shouty mother. Personally I would have considered not inviting his cousin and kids instead.

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