Family have fallen out with me and not attending my wedding

[Summerinsicily]

I am getting married in 11 months and we have decided on a child free wedding. It has caused awful upset and fall outs to the point where some of my family members now aren’t speaking to me and saying they aren’t coming.

My auntie has 4 very young children and is saying she can’t get babysitters for them. So because she is upset, my grandparents have told me they are disappointed that I’m not inviting my young cousins and that it’s not on, it’s selfish and they won’t be attending.

I’ve been in tears over this, it’s all been very stressful. I’ve come extremely close to just cancelling the wedding and losing my deposits but my fiancé knows that I would probably regret that in the future and thinks we should keep it as it is. I am just wondering, do you think my auntie and grandparents are reasonable to stop speaking to me because of this?

Ignore them a few of my cousins had child free weddings after I had my kids ,I either politely declined ,or went on my own leaving my dh,to look after the kids
Some people are so ignorant and have to make everything all about them even people's
Wedding.,s

Yeah. I agree.

See how much money you’d lose by cancelling vs how much you’d save by just the two of your going abroad.

If people can’t be happy for you and not make it all about what THEY want, why even bother?

I think they are over reacting, BUT, are any of your other cousins attending?

Because if you have invited cousins who are adults, but excluded your Aunt's children, I can see why your family would be upset.

Not true. The uncles side of the family won’t be there.

But they’re the ones ignoring OP?

They’re not talking to her, so she can’t ignore them 😆

You made a choice and you are entitled to do that. But it has had consequences that have upset you. Was it really worth it just to get your own way. Doesn't sound like it.

Emotional blackmail is not “consequences” and she shouldn’t cave in to it.

Very well put.

Incorrect. They have the right to make a choice as a consequence of the OP's decision, but not to berate her for it and involve additional family members in boycotting the wedding.

Giving a bride silent treatment simply because she wants a child free wedding is childish behaviour. So maybe it’s best these ‘children’ don’t attend.

Your grandparents sound awful. I would just calmly tell them that their decision is fine and they have now been removed from any guest list....AND STICK TO IT! I can guarantee they are cutting their nose off to spite their face and they will start to come round when the wedding gets near for fear of missing it. Tell them it's too late, numbers have been confirmed and they were taken off the list.
Manipulative old sods.

Exactly. There must be lots of people in toxic families if people can’t see that.

Ignore them is a valid response. OP should just put these people out of her heads and have a lovely wedding.

It's very interesting that the OP hasn't mentioned her parents at all in this. Also I just wonder who is paying for the wedding. If its the OP and spouse to be, fair enough. If family are paying then I my book they get SOME say in the guest list especially if it is as contentious as all this.

People have strong feelings about kids, for and against. And presumably your aunt is your grandparents' kid so they still have strong feelings for her as a grown up. You must've felt strongly about not having kids at the wedding, so you have to own that and take the flack that comes with it from your family, or give way if you'd rather appease them. It's up to you but you don't get to control other people's responses, only your reaction and your own plans for the day.

Other people would definitely have a problem with that if they arrange childcare and then there are some children there.

I had a child free wedding op. Many years later, I look back and feel like a bit of a tool. I wouldn't make thr same decision again. Just another perspective. Your grandparents do sound horrid.

Even if she’d made it clear in her invitations that only children specifically invited should attend? You may be right.

As I said post, I don’t understand the recent trend for child-free weddings, I think it’s mean-spirited. Children are very excited to attend weddings and it’s an important rite of passage for them to witness. I was extremely excited to go to a couple of weddings as a child. Much more so than I am as an adult, I find them a chore now!

Every single wedding thread I read on MN is an absolute total nightmare of hissy fits, Bridezillas and family feuds. It makes me feel so much better for never having married! Weddings are mayhem!

I’m sorry things have turned unpleasant OP, it’s not what you need, but in principle I agree with them. Either your wedding is a family occasion or it’s not. Your auntie’s children are your family in the same way your grandparents are. Her children are their grandchildren too. They matter as much to them as you do, and their daughter more.

The age her children are will make it very difficult to arrange childcare so you’ve made it impossible for her to attend.

If you don’t care, that’s fine, it’s your wedding. But you might have to be prepared for your family not to be terribly interested if you go on to have children of your own.

Personally I wouldn’t have a child free wedding.
However I wouldn’t presume to tell anyone else what they should do.
Your grandparents and aunt will have to get on with it.

My dd had a 15 person covid wedding with no food or drink allowed.
I had to accept that she wanted to get married and wasn’t prepared to wait. It certainly wasn’t the wedding I wanted for my dd but it was her and her dh’s choice.

I think childfree weddings are sh*t, personally. Weddings are meant to be a celebration of family, not Instagram. People take weddings far too seriously - who cares if a baby cries at the wrong moment or whatever? And given that friend groups all get married at roughly the same time, childfree weddings make it really difficult and expensive for half those people to attend.

If you want a childfree wedding, of course that's your choice. But choices do have consequences that you'll then have to deal with, the one in this case being half your family thinking you're being a primadonna.

I think every wedding I've been to has had at least one child there (maybe 1 didn't!) and they have been absolutely fine. No tantrums or issues! All the children have loved being involved and really joined in with the celebrations of the day.
I think to exclude close family members is really sad and can understand the upset this has caused.
Personally I think you need to rethink your decision.

Save yourself the hassle and the expense,
Cancel it and have a small wedding with your absolute nearest and dearest family and friends

Same here! Fuck that!!!

Can't you just invite them? Why inconvenience everyone and fall out with your family over this? What's the gain to you?