Should I give my honest to God opinion or just keep quiet?

[Payets]

So my sister and I are very close. It’s the kind of relationship where I could say “you can’t out in that you look hideous”. There would be no fallout as it’s recognised it’s coming from a good place.

Anyway, she’s getting married and we are just very different. I’m more detail oriented and type A. Where is a little slap dash and low effort.

I would say I have good taste and friends often ask me to go furniture or clothes shopping with them.

Sister showed me her wedding invites and they were truly awful. I shared alternatives. Said they were a little dated. Offered my services re ribbon tying and wax seal applying. But sister was like “who gives a shit”. I can tell she is getting annoyed.

No word of a lie she had used a border not too dissimilar to the one I had attached. Her wedding is very much not cheap either!

Do I change the habit of a lifetime and allow her to make shit choices??

Im very aware it’s her wedding so will for say “and the end of the day it’s up to you, it’s your wedding”.

Ugh, you sound like my sister who thinks she’s the epitome of style and good taste. 🤣

She wears boring dull plain colours and decorates her house in the same minimalist generic way. I colour my hair bright purple and have painted the outside of my house a fabulous pink.

I love my sister but we don’t share the same tastes in anything.

They are very on trend wedding invites op. We have 2 upcoming weddings both are of a similar style of invite. One in a soft navy and sage set up the other more colourful like your sisters.

The problem with claiming you have good taste (and here by default claiming your sister doesnt) is you come across as having a specific idea. What you need to consider is "What is your sisters vision for her wedding.. what does she aim for."

I am with her on the who gives a ... over wax seals. I think they are naff. Doesnt mean I dont have good taste means its different to yours. My personal taste runs more to minimalist so wax seals and bows would not be my preference. Nor would a floral boldly coloured bow.

Having said that I dont think your sisters choice is terrible.

What you need to remember is this is her wedding. Have a conversation about what she sees as important. What is her vision and then support her in this.

Dont dismiss others when they suggest you are coming across to strong here as many relationships blow up over weddings. If you are as close to your sister as you claim. This time consider what sister needs it may not be "brutal honesty" she may need a supportive sister who can reign it in a bit. Have some conversations with her..

Btw I was very close to my sister around the time I married but I recall her as a utter nightmare over the way dh and I wanted to do things (we now live in different countries so are by default not as close)

Ok op this is a pile on; I think you are getting a really hard time because people are ( from behind their keyboards.) getting to have a swipe at a person who represents to them anyone who has ever bossed them or made them feel a bit unsure in their choices. And in a way they are right; it isn’t nice to feel that way.

BUT I have a family member just like you and I know that, while they can piss a lot of people off, they are actually very caring ( in their own bossy way) and do just want it to be a best choice ( from their own inflexible standpoint).

I can see why you might think the border was a bit gaudy ( my initial reaction 😳would have gratified you enormously) ; but then I’m different again from you as well. I like stiff A5 card, zero fussy flourishes, preferably engraved and with a plate mark. But to some people that is utterly devoid of self-expression ( not to mention a total waste of money).

I do think you are probably someone who puts effort into aesthetics and I’m sure plenty of people like your style. But if you have real ability with styling ( and my family member does) the best way to develop that skill so you are being additive and not detracting is to use your eye and creativity to look for other ways of capturing the vibe THEY are wanting. I’m sure you could work with your Dsis’s choice ( use sunglasses if necessary 😎 ) to suggest something a little more subtle. Who knows, that may have been the help she was wanting and then you’ve ploughed in with the complete antithesis of bright and cheerful and she’s just felt her concept has been squashed completely.

I think bright and cheerful could be lovely. No, it’s not what you’d choose. It’s not what I’d choose. But we aren’t her. And I enjoy other people having things that surprise me and allow them to express themselves.

I think people are missing how much your attitude is coming from a place of wanting what you feel would be lovely for your DSis. But try to work with her to support her in realising HER vision, not yours. I bet you have good ideas if you can relax into her choice a bit.

I think that only you know your sister but will it stress her on the day if these things are not right?

Invites, placecards, favours, cake, car to the venue etc probably not and they only really matter if you take pleasure from them and they can also inject a little personality even if that is that you are a little more chill about the wedding. These are areas where I let people help. I wasn’t precious about them as I knew I couldn’t do everything personally. I did my own name cards and made them very personal and creative. Unless you care a lot about them (and that’s fine too as I loved doing my placecards and table setting) they actually have little impact on the day.

Her dress being properly fitted, good fitting underwear, having had a trial of makeup and hair so she feels like herself these matter a lot on the day.

Even the running order of the day and practicalities that has more of an effect on the actual wedding and feel of it.

I would help support her on these but only you know what really matters to her.

Invites don’t even appear on the day so that would be the least of my battles.

Why don't you channel your Type A into getting her exactly the wedding she wants? She does not need criticism or nitpicking, she needs support. So get behind her, this is her wedding and not an outfit choice.

That’s a really generous post, @Calliopespa — I’m not entirely sure the OP merits it, given her attitude as de o started on here, but it’s certainly a kind take on her obvious anxiety thst her sister might ‘make a shit choice’.

Leave her alone, it’s not important and this time she doesn’t want your advice.

People with good taste don't usually backtrack and change their mind instantly about liking something as soon as someone else calls it naff.

You sound totally delusional and up yourself.

I can't remember what my own wedding invitations looked like nevermind anyone else's. They will most likely end up in the bin anyway. Your post reads " I have taste and my sister doesnt so she should listen to what I want eventhough it's her wedding".

Should you "allow" her to make 'shit' choices? She doesn't need your permission to choose what she has! You have different tastes but that doesn't mean yours is 'better' than hers. Be nice and stop sneering and interfering.

I really like it.... I'm a floral person..... and I've seen MUCH worse....

It's her wedding. Leave her alone! She knows your taste and knows you'll help and advise but she's not asking you to. Take the hint.

It’s her wedding. Don’t be so nasty.

Unfortunately, it's her choice although, yes, the invite you attached is hideous! But if I received it as an invite I wouldn't care less.

Could you suggest downloading Canva? I made all of my wedding invites from there and just printed them myself, whereas my friend for her wedding did the whole ribbon and wax seal and paid 100s for them. When I was getting married and trying to plan it all it does get stressful when everyone's putting their two cents in about food, colours etc. I snapped a few times at my parents lol.

I get you have that type of relationship where you can say anything but maybe she's just feeling a little sensitive right now.

Well … I’m not so sure. I have a family member who tries to style everyone’s everything!

It took me a while to see they weren’t just domineering, but I did start to as they learned to adapt their eye to bring the other person’s ideas to fruition. In the end they have had some fantastic ideas - and are always full of energy and happy to be on hand if flowers wilt, hems come down etc. Some people it just matters to to get things “ right.”

Without knowing op, I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt. But it isn’t fair to steamroll her DSis.

NB Op : do NOT get involved if it’s just so you can circulate on the day pointing out your input!!

Indeed. Allow her?

@Payets you aren't the boss of her 😂

You say you have a wonderful relationship with your sister. Are you sure she doesn't just tolerate you? If you were my sister, i'd find you insufferable. It's her life and her (shit) choices as you so beautifully put it.

Does she ever tell you that you look hideous? Or is that just a one-way street given that you are so classy and she's just low-effort.

If my sister spoke like this about me, she wouldn't be coming anywhere near my wedding, or my life for that matter

The word narcissistic gets bandied around a lot, but maybe it applies to your behaviour? OK some of your friends like your taste and say so quite often, but not this time, and you aren’t the central character here.

My best friend had her invitations ordered from a printers, they’re pretty parchment, and nicely done, mine were from WHS Smiths, off the rack range. I like mine too, but they are handwritten in a gold pen.

Mine were friendlier on the budget, and I took probably 15 minutes choosing them, she took weeks, they were hideously expensive, and lots of angst choosing them, and getting them printed.

I didn’t have a massive budget for them, and also wasn’t really bothered, as long as they looked nice, which they did.

I saw the border before reading the post and thought "oh that's pretty", but then I'm an old hippy!
What's the saying - something like "be kind, without being dishonest - and be honest without being unkind". I'm paraphrasing, I'm sure the original doesn't sound that clumsy, but you can't go wrong if you keep that in mind, I think.

They are only wedding invites! I don't think I have ever received an invite and thought they were nice/awful!

I suppose I think there’s no ‘right’ when it comes to individual taste. One person’s ’restrained and classic’ is another person’s ’beige boringness’; one person’s ’eclectic and colourful’ is another person’s ‘tacky’.

Though you’ve just reminded me of a friend of a friend who prided herself on her interiors nous back in the 90s — she bought a house when it was very rare for our circle (all students living in houseshares) and stencilled every single surface. To the point where, after you left her places, your retinas still projected stencils onto random walls for a while. She used to give everyone stencil kits as wedding and housewarming presents!

You’re a kinder soul than me then! I get really irritated by the ones that have bits fall out of the envelope. We got one with Swarovski crystals when one of our Dc was a baby. I think they were supposed to tumble forth from the envelope like so many little suggestions of the happy couple’s sparkling future. Or something.

I’m sure the frantic scrabble to scoop up the crawling baby and hoover them up before they caused choking was not the intended effect.

I love it 😂I must be a cheapo low effort person! Woohoo

Honestly I’d just leave her do whatever she wants. It’s her day and you are very different people x

I think the border is nice.

OP I don't think the ones you like are as tasteful as you think. That font is so ubiquitous, it is absolutely everywhere, I bet you want an easel with a welcome sign on it too? and sage green bridesmaids like every other wedding for the lady 5 years?
As for the wax seal, well that is beyond naff. Really.
I think your sister's choice is different, refreshing and more modern. It's her day AND her fiance's day. It's not your wedding to plan.