Should I give my honest to God opinion or just keep quiet?

[Payets]

So my sister and I are very close. It’s the kind of relationship where I could say “you can’t out in that you look hideous”. There would be no fallout as it’s recognised it’s coming from a good place.

Anyway, she’s getting married and we are just very different. I’m more detail oriented and type A. Where is a little slap dash and low effort.

I would say I have good taste and friends often ask me to go furniture or clothes shopping with them.

Sister showed me her wedding invites and they were truly awful. I shared alternatives. Said they were a little dated. Offered my services re ribbon tying and wax seal applying. But sister was like “who gives a shit”. I can tell she is getting annoyed.

No word of a lie she had used a border not too dissimilar to the one I had attached. Her wedding is very much not cheap either!

Do I change the habit of a lifetime and allow her to make shit choices??

Im very aware it’s her wedding so will for say “and the end of the day it’s up to you, it’s your wedding”.

Good for your sister OP. I hope she has something lovely planned for the hundreds of pounds she is saving by not cluttering up other peoples mantelpieces with pretentious, dust gathering, wax sealed, be ribboned, perfumed wedding invitations.

I would look at her invitation and think yeah! sounds like a fun wedding, whereas an over the top tasteful invitation makes me wonder what has been shaved from the budget to pay for them and hope it hasn’t been the quality of the wine or the vegetarian option ( oh, the vegetarians will be fine with a red onion tartlet, they love them, always see them tucking into them at weddings).

This. I would do my wedding very differently now.

Tbh all the people belittling printed invitations and wax etc are being as judgmental and rude and overbearing as the op, just with different taste.

Stay out of it leave every decision to her and don't offer any opinions, suggestions, options or help with anything.

If it's a shit show it'll be her shit show. If it's a triumph, it'll be her triumph.

No not really. None of them have started a thread pointlessly being judgemental about their sister over something very trivial.

I wouldn't say I was belittling them. I just think spending a lot of money on something that will get thrown away seems an unnecessary expense.

I actually like the OP's suggestion, but I think the money is far better spent on the hospitality at the wedding itself.

They really are awful but leave her to it,she obviously likes them.

Why do you even need to ask this??? It sounds like you are just itching to charge in and bulldoze over everyone with your superior taste and style - when actually these things are entirely a matter of perception ... she may well be cringing at the stiffness and formality of what you think is so vastly superior. Your style is clearly not your sisters - save your 'elegance' and 'discernment' for your own event, one that you are organising, paying for and doing all the heavy lifting for. Dont piss on your sisters parade by charging in with your so-called advice, you will utterly spoil things and burn bridges that you may never be able to rebuild.

Little Miss Style Queen IT IS NOT YOUR WEDDING, it is your Sisters AND her Partners. Have you even thought about his likes/wants or is it all about you ?

I don’t think the ideas you posted are naff, they’re just incredibly over done. In fact every single person I know who’s got married in the last two years has had invites exactly like that. Down to the ribbon and the gypsophila.

I helped my best friend make hers and she ordered the invites separately and we stuck the bows, gypsophila and wax seals on ourselves after ordering these from shein. It cost her £250 to make 60!! Plus a small handful then had to pay extra postage on top because they wouldn’t allow the wax seal as a standard letter size.

I don’t like your sisters but I think you should drop it, you said she’s getting annoyed so she’s clearly made her decision. I know you say her wedding isn’t cheap but she probably sees £200+ on invites as a ridiculous waste of money. At least her invites will be different because I for one am getting sick of seeing the same wedding invite every time I open one.

Absolutely and perfectly on the money ^

Your poor sister 😭

And how horrible for her that she's chosen you to go dress shopping with 🥺🥺

🤣🤣🤣

In your opinion. I think they're pretty and a change from the conventional stationery.

This made me smile. Wedding invites are not that deep, so share your opinion by all means, but then let her get on with it.

OP me and my sister are very close, to the point during her wedding I actually told her the first bridesmaid dresses were horrible - caused no fallouts, she agreed once we’d tried them on. We’re super honest with each other.
But I agree with your sister on this one, no one does give AF about the invites it’s just to pin up or scribble the info down when you get it. I’ve had some wedding invites via WhatsApp the last few years!! I just don’t think brides are willing to spend on them anymore. She’s given her response to your opinion on this one, so just leave it. There’ll be far more decisions to make yet!!

I’m not sure I particularly noticed you saying anything rude.

But there has been a lot of very derogatory comments about styles of invitation.

Heavy card stock. Embossed. A proper “stiffie”.

There are people in my family with a role similar to yours OP. Prepared to get stuck in on other people's behalf, and sweat the small stuff that most of us can't be bothered with. So I can see why you're annoyed and a bit puzzled to be getting flack on here.

Possibly your mistake was to use the same kind of language in your original post as you would with your sister ('Do I change the habit of a lifetime and allow her to make shit choices??'), not realising how it sounds on a public forum. It doesn't matter that you caveat it by saying that's how we talk to each other, it comes across as overbearing.

Also, statements like 'I would say I have good taste and friends often ask me to go furniture or clothes shopping with them'... while this might be factually true, it doesn't work as a justification. In fact it has the opposite effect, making you sound quite arrogant.

That said, I do accept your view of yourself as a details-focused, Type A person whose opinions and input are valued. But you could also cultivate your skills in reading the room.

Long story short, to answer your question: Do I change the habit of a lifetime and allow her to make shit choices??
The answer is Yes. And you do it with love and appreciation for the person she is and the taste that she has. Which is very different from yours. And that's something to enjoy!

Yup. And plate mark for me.

But it’s not for everyone.

If she asks your opinion on something, give it - once - then leave it up to her. If she chooses something you hate and then asks you, just say "Well, it’s not to my taste, but it’s your wedding!" then leave it up to her.

Tastes vary. Just because your friends think you have "good taste" and ask your advice, that doesn’t mean you are the arbiter of what is good taste and everyone who disagrees with you is wrong. No doubt there are plenty of people whose idea of what constitutes "good taste" differs from yours, so are not your friends. What you consider your sister's "shit choices" won't be despised by everyone.

To me, the idea of wax seals is hilariously pretentious - but if you wanted them at your wedding and asked my opinion I would just say "Well, it’s not to my taste, but it’s your wedding!" I wouldn't be arrogant enough to spoil your pleasure by trying to impose my taste on you.

I'm type A, and they are hideous. However, I don't have a sister or close family, so only you know the dynamic between you and her.

Sorry some people are giving you so much grief for this. I would also express my distaste of the invites and make suggestions in a close relationship like you described. Maybe she's annoyed at your opinion or interference but have you considered it may be more likely to be a cost issue? Weddings are a big expense and maybe because she has spent so much already as you said she doesn't want to or have the ability to send out fancy invites?

Leave her be. That border is fine. Not to my taste but not hideous or trashy. And her getting annoyed at your comments indicates she's not receptive to feedback on this choice. She's happy with it and it's only her and her husband's views that matter.

If you're as close as you say you are, I'm not really sure why you're having to ask MN for advice on how to navigate your relationship.

You've given your opinion on the invitations, as requested. Now it's time to butt out.

They're just invitations in any case. It doesn't really matter. Have you ever looked at a wedding invitation and decided that you won't be attending because it looks a bit naff? Would you want anyone that shallow at your own wedding?

Let her do what she wants. Give an honest opinion if she asks for it. Otherwise, keep your thoughts to yourself.

I already love your sister. Who gives a shit indeed? Most guests will not be analysing this I promise you and because she is not going to prostrate herself at the altar of all this nonsense she will no doubt have an absolute blast at her wedding, as will her guests. Loosen up and let her do it her way.

I like the bright floral border. A nice change from the bland minimalist style that's trendy these days. It's fine to give an opinion when asked, but once is enough. It's only the invitations, it's not like it's a hideous dress that she will regret forever.