Would you be annoyed if a relative bought a house 3 doors down from you without telling you?

[Housequery1]

That’s it really, you bought anew house and a few months later a relative buys a house a few doors down, without saying a word. Would you be annoyed? Or would it even bother you?

No, but I don’t envision that happening to be honest

Courtesy why? Because if you had an issue with it what would you say or do?

Yes they will probably play out in the evenings/weekends. The dc are all old enough to play out without us having to be there. There could be conflict yeah I suppose but I would have to deal with that as and when.

Yes, I'd be annoyed. I did move 300 miles away for a few reasons though....

I wouldn't like not knowing until the last minute and I would think they were very rude not letting me know they were thinking of moving so close to me.

If they are not your sisters, brothers or parents then you will not notice any change!
Every now and again you might want to call out for some assistance to each other (both try not to over do that) and every few years travelling to Christmas lunch will be by foot.
It will be fine.

Everyone is assuming she might be annoyed about you intruding on her patch, but what if she’s the one who ends up constantly popping round asking for favours, expects childcare on tap because you’re ”famileeee” and sticks her nose into every corner of your life and tries to Wendy your friendships? You won’t be using so many laughing emojis then…

I’m ok with placing my boundaries where needed to be honest. Like I say I work pretty 9-5 so I’m out of the house most of the week. She’s a sahm so won’t need childcare.

I'd wait until I had put in an offer. There's no way I'd be texting them looking for permission to buy it. Feck that.

This was exactly my theory. There was no point in telling/asking her until I knew that I was successful. Everybody knows the house buying process has a lot of ups and downs and waiting etc.

Lots of people have suggested that I should say something to her out of courtesy, but the fact of the matter is I want the house. I love the house and if I had said something and she came across not too happy about it what could I possibly have done? I would’ve been giving her control as to whether I get to buy this house? I will give her a heads up before we move in. But only after I know the house is technically mine. The reason I asked was because I had a fleeting thought that MAYBE she will be annoyed at the proximity. I don’t think she will, but I suppose it’s always a possibility.

@Housequery1 but she has absolutely no control over who moves in there. I have been her in the situation. The house right next door to ours went up for sale and I knew a family member was looking for a house in the area. I was silently hoping they wouldn't want to buy it but I didn't say that to anyone, didn't expect them to tell us if they were viewing it, and wouldn't have said anything other than congratulations if they had bought it. I think I'd like to have been told at the stage the offer was accepted. I know a lot can still go wrong after that but there's a high chance you'd be buying the house if the offer was accepted.

Maybe annoyed isn’t the word, but certainly strange that no one mentioned it, unless all family members lives in same area anyway.

Very much depends on the relative. If it was my siblings or parents I'd be thrilled, but confused about why they'd not mentioned it.

I'd like to live near most of my family members, but the not mentioning it thing would be a weird.

I think someone you see at family events but not outside of that is fine. Personally I wouldn’t have told you, telling you implies it’s up for discussion, and if there is a lack of suitable housing in the area, I wouldn’t want you thinking you had the ability to veto certain house choices. To me you telling them suggests it’s up for discussion.

if you bump into them , tell them as general chat- but I wouldn’t make a special call

So a weird thing about human nature is that if we are given a say in something, even a heads up about it, we feel more in control and happier - even if we don't do anything differently as a result. We don't need to be allowed to make the decision, just kept in the loop.

Your endgame has got to be an ongoing friendly relationship with the person you live near - if it's awkward it will feel slightly tense all the time, you'll be looking over your shoulder in the co-op and so on.

If you don't tell your relative until it's a done deal, you risk them thinking you've been a bit cold and you haven't let them into a nice thing about your life. That makes them feel a bit exposed- even, that you don't like them that much?- and sets the whole thing off on the wrong foot.

This is a great opportunity to let them in a bit. Asking for help makes people empathise with you more. Yes, it's a new estate and they don't know the neighbours, but are they in the house already?

Pop them a text saying "Need to ask you a favour! I've had the chance to put an offer in on no 14 Your Street. I'm quite excited about it. Can I come round sometime and find out about what the purchase was like from your perspective- was the snagging all done OK, any quirks about the houses I should know about?" Then they probably say oh right yes, then you reply and say "It's not a done deal yet - would you mind not mentioning it to Mum and Auntie Sandra, they get a bit flappy with me and would ring me all the time asking about it! amused emoji, etc etc".

They get the chance to help you and tell you how moving in was from their point of view - so they see you as a positive thing, a new neighbour coming into their area. And they're on your side and less likely to tell Mum all the details. In fact, this is one of those moments of life where you can move to a different adult stage and break some traditional patterns ("but everyone tells everyone everything!"). You and cousin are allowed to have a slightly different thing you both know about for a while.

If you have the attitude of I should be able to keep my business to myself - I've lived in this town all my life - they are more the incomers than me etc etc. - it will come across. Even though you are TECHNICALLY right, you are wrong RELATIONALLY.

Weirdly if you like to be private, giving a little information in a breezy way works better than being like an oyster and not saying anything. People just ask a few questions then forget it, whereas if they think you're keeping something from them they get all huffy.

In that case I wouldn’t be annoyed. If we’re not particularly close I’d just expect them to tell me whenever I saw them next.

If it was my MIL I’d run for the hills though.

I find it odd they never mentioned to you that they're moving a few doors down!

We moved to be closer to family and we told them before we put our own house on the market to make sure they were ok with it. Our house ended up being only a few streets away, closer than we planned, but choices were thin on the ground and time was running out.

Again, we told them how close it was before we put an offer in and would not have bought it if they felt they were being impinged upon. Having said that, our situation was different and these are close relatives that we have a bit to do with.

Only 2 things that I don’t think have been mentioned (not sure) that might be a problem.

Is your potential house bigger/more bedrooms than theirs? So slightly ‘pissing on the chips’ of their new home.

Also have you ever had neighbour issues that she might think you would tarnish her with. Some of my friends have had multiple neighbour issues (I think it may be them ha ha) and I’m very chilled and tolerant. That would bother me if they moved near me

You're making it more of an issue by not telling them OP. Just tell them you've put an offer in or tell someone closer in the family and let them find out. Don't leave it as it will become even stranger. If it falls through, it falls through.

Wouldnt bother me, I like my family and enjoy their company. I grew up on the same street as my gran and three of my aunties. We just wondered in and out each others houses like they were our own. My gran had half the street in her house through the day. They were very different times though.

Yes this is what would bother me, not the actual living nearby bit. It's so weird not to have said anything!

Personally I think you are weird for not telling her. Stop the nonsense about "I don't want everyone to know my business" and at least be honest with yourself - you don't want her to know. Weird.

My mother bought a house opposite me when I was working flat out as a single mum.
Then expected me to take care of it while she spent 11 months of the year abroad including grass cutting.
When she was living in it because she is hyperactive and doesn't sleep she'd be banging on my door at 6am wanting me to do things.
I was bloody livid. I put my house on the market and moved 50 miles away.

My DB, fine, his partner, not so much. I'm prone to winding her up in purpose, but the feeling is mutual, I think.

My cousins, hell no. The remaining aunties and uncles, no. They are fair-weather visitees for a reason.

I can share a county with my parents.

No the houses are the exact same…just reversed.