WIBU if I complain about this teacher?

[Throwawaymama]

I need impartial advice in an awful situation.

my son (14) has got into a fight today at school. I am not happy about this obviously. Lots of stuff going on and I’m looking at getting him help.

There has been back and forth drama between him and another boy for the past few weeks, and today this other boy was being kept in isolation at lunch with his head of year (boy is year below so it’s a different HOY). I don’t know why but he was with her all afternoon.

my son has found out where he was and gone storming into the room with 3 of his friends (again this is NOT okay) and started to punch this boy.

here’s the bit I’m not happy with.

the head of year has forcibly got in the middle and told my son to get out - he did - but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her and again screamed at him to get out. She’s not big or tall and she didn’t hurt him.

WIBU to complain about the teacher doing this? I thought they weren’t allowed to put hands on students?

throwaway for obvious reasons.

Omg no! You need to focus on sorting your own corner out AKA your son. He was completely out of order. I read a post before on mumsnet from a wife of a teacher whose life was wrecked by such a complaint. Go and buy the teacher a bunch of flowers and apologise for her having to stop your son attack another pupil. You will have nothing but more bother with your son if you make a complaint as he will see it as a win!

F-ing hell - this kind of parenting is why we have so many problems in schools!! The teacher is not at fault in any way. You need to focus your attention on why your son is such a bully, why on earth he thinks it's ok to behave in such a disgusting way and how YOU are going to sort it out - this is your responsibility as his parent! Stop trying to put blame on anyone else in this situation.

I've done the restraint and reasonable force training and from the description given in the original post, the teacher acted absolutely within the bounds of it. Without any question or doubt.

Oh, and then I left teaching forever despite getting outstanding results in a core subject and being much needed in a rapidly depleting and demoralised workforce, because I didn't ever want to be the teacher in the middle of four teenage boys trying to attack another, put myself in danger and then have a parent like the OP complain about my actions. I am so much happier out of that job and so glad I got out before I was in this poor woman's shoes.

The way your son is going, one day it's not going to be a small female teacher getting in the middle of his fights. It's going to be another young man who can throw a punch or carries a knife. Maybe focus on that.

She didn't though, this is what YOU said:
- but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her

Your son and 3 mates went to attack a child in front of a teacher. A younger child, and 4 of them. The teacher put herself at personal risk of harm to prevent them and must have been absolutely terrified. Then your son turns back AGAIN. For all she knew, his next plan was to harm her, that was an entirely reasonable assumption on her part. You want to complain? You should be on your knees thanking her for preventing it from becoming a more serious crime.

Your son needs to be removed immediately from the school yo a PRU. He'll be lucky if the younger boy doesn't go to the police over this assault You should be preventing contact with these "mates" and focusing on how to move your child from the path he is on, because it has decent odds of him ending up n prison or dead if you leave him to continue.

He wasn’t walking away, he even told you he turned back towards her.

Omg

This is why the secondary schools are full of little shits. This is why some children are too frightened to go.

Your son knows exactly how to manipulate you doesn’t he? He’s lying to your face.

You should be supporting the school AGAINST your son here. He was in the wrong. Step up and parent. Don’t come out with the ‘he’s my son and I’ll fight his corner’. He doesn’t need his corner fighting. He was out of order. Stop minimising what he’s done. Aren’t you ashamed? Didn’t you bring up up to behave better than this?

JFC. I’d say I was surprised but my own kids went through state secondary and there were loads of parents just like you.

I’ve never seen 100 % votes before.

And still you are blinded! Lady, get your shit together and read all the comments above. You are deluded.

The teacher was brave and stopped him harming another child. If anyone is to blame, it's you! You created this monster and clearly even now, hell think yh I did do that but really the teacher is in the wrong. People like you should not have kids. I was a teacher and kids like yours often were the way they were because of shit parenting. Granted this isn't the case all of the time, but with your post and follow up am am certain in your case it is because of that.

He beat another child unprovoked with a gang. I hope karma comes back and gets him. Wonder who you'll blame them.

Your son has done an excellent job of distracting your from his own actions.

Truly terrific manipulation, if I was him I'd feel pretty pleased with myself

I simply can’t imagine a situation where my son acted in that way and I responded by giving even a single second of time to consider how he might’ve felt in being pushed by a smaller, female teacher who was protecting his victim. Far be it to engender any sympathy, I rather think it would act as a red flag to a bull that he was even attempting to paint himself as a victim in any way, shape or form.

Are you ignoring that she ‘screamed’ at him too? I mean, the poor little lamb shouldn’t be subject to such shocking and abusive behaviour. Should she have been reminding him gently that 'we use kind hands', or something?

FGS get a grip. You should be mortified at his behaviour, not trying to get a teacher in trouble for having to deal with your violent son.

I am actually gobsmacked a parent is complaining a female teacher stopped her male child from beating up a younger child.

I’m sure you can air your grievances at the expulsion or fixed term suspension meeting that is going to happen as a result of your ds going into a calm situation and initiating a fight

yabu . Really hope the school through the book at your son

You're taking the piss, surely?

Your son went to gang-bash a younger student and you're complaining that a teacher put herself in harm's way to protect the other boy?

Your son will end up in prison or dead, if he keeps doing that. Deal with his behaviour first.

Thank God that teacher wasn't hurt.
I hope SHE escalates this. Unless this is a reverse you are actually crazy.

Agreed. He's asked for any sanction he gets. His behaviour is indefensible.

I am a teacher and I broke up a fight today.

It was a big lad holding and thumping a smaller boy in the year below. It caused chaos on the corridor and stampede. As the closest member staff, I pushed through the kids, shouted at the fighting boys and put my body between them, firmly holding back the bigger boy, until a male colleague was able to put him in a half elbow lock and march him off. I am 5'2 and weigh 10 stone. Both boys were bigger than me. It was frightening but we have to safeguard and protect. It was all on CCTV.

The smaller boy was kept separate until he could be slowly reintegrated. The larger boy once the footage was viewed was suspended. His parents were very upset when shown the footage and passed on their apologies to me.

Your son took a bunch of mates and barged into a room and were intimidating to a female member of staff and a younger pupil. Wise up, he was a thug and you should be ashamed of him.

Your son is thug and a bully, and you need to be having a serious, serious think about your parenting style, and as for even considering complaining about that poor teacher.....I'd be phoning the school with a grovelling apololgy.

Being pushed away by a little female teacher will be the least of his concerns when he’s in jail… which is where he’s headed. Discipline him now while you still can.

Your son turned around to escalate the situation again. Fuck being a teacher these days. Sort your twat of a kid out.

Wow enjoy visiting your son in prison in a few years. Of course that won’t be his fault either…

When my son was in Year 7, another child in his class accused my son my saying something nasty to him. My son hadn't, was sitting there minding his own business. The child got up from his chair and started shouting at my son, and stormed over. His Tutor immediately got his body inbetween the other child and my son (who was sat down), because this child was going to hit my son. Thankfully my son was OK, a little shaken, the child was sent to the HOY and I was grateful for the teacher physically getting in the way, meaning if any punches had been thrown, he'd have been thumped and not my son. Your son was completely in the wrong, he burst into a classroom (with 3 friends), shouted and hit another child, who was in isolation with a teacher. This incident was unprovoked. The teacher was protecting the other child (and herself) by shouting and pushing him away. You need to focus on your son's behaviour, and working with him and the school to sort it out. The teacher was on her own in class, and nearly had a full scale riot on her hands, and you're worried about her shouting at your son and pushing him away from her and the other child?!! She did what she felt she needed to keep the other boy and herself safe.

You're wrong, school staff are allowed to put hands on students, especially in situations like these.

Your son was massively out of order and you even more so for not seeing that