WIBU if I complain about this teacher?

[Throwawaymama]

I need impartial advice in an awful situation.

my son (14) has got into a fight today at school. I am not happy about this obviously. Lots of stuff going on and I’m looking at getting him help.

There has been back and forth drama between him and another boy for the past few weeks, and today this other boy was being kept in isolation at lunch with his head of year (boy is year below so it’s a different HOY). I don’t know why but he was with her all afternoon.

my son has found out where he was and gone storming into the room with 3 of his friends (again this is NOT okay) and started to punch this boy.

here’s the bit I’m not happy with.

the head of year has forcibly got in the middle and told my son to get out - he did - but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her and again screamed at him to get out. She’s not big or tall and she didn’t hurt him.

WIBU to complain about the teacher doing this? I thought they weren’t allowed to put hands on students?

throwaway for obvious reasons.

According to your original post, he had turned round again. He wasn't just walking away. And honestly, I would not be inclined to believe his account anyway. As his mother, you should be concentrating on getting him help to put his life straight, not trying to deflect attention and blame onto a woman who was doing her job in extremely difficult and frightening circumstances, thanks to your out of control son. He's not your precious baby anymore - he's a 14 year old thug. How did he get like that? That's what you should be thinking about.

That HTs are discouraging teachers from pressing charges in the interests of ‘reputation’ is absolutely bonkers to me. Firstly - protect your team and protect your pupils. That in itself should be enough to guide your actions.

Beyond that, do they not think parents already know or worry this sort of thing happens, and actually the majority are hoping appropriate action is taken. Being seen to have a zero tolerance policy is EXACTLY what most parents would find an attractive ‘reputation’.

Schools already have a reputation, pressing charges or not. The whole year will know about this with 1hr.

Parents like you drive good teachers out of the profession. The poor woman! She probably went home shaking. Boys your son's age are often bigger and stronger than women teachers and he had his mates with him too. She also did not know if he was armed. If you son was wound up and aggressive and chosing to seek out and threaten a student knowing he was with a member of staff this shows he did not give a flying proverbial for her authority or the rules of the school or common decency. Someone like that might well be carrying a knife. She was probably fearful (terrified possibly) for herself and for the student she was with and for whom she was responsible. If there is any justice your son will be permanently excluded. I hope the teacher, the school or the parents of other child get the police involved.

Wow!
YABU - your aggressive teenage boy took two other aggressive teenage boy start a fight with one boy and a teacher (who you say wasn’t big).
What makes you think it is her job to fend off attackers to a single child?

It’s disgusting you’re standing up for your poor little angel. I don’t know why anyone would put up with parents and pupils like this.
Teaching is not paid anywhere near enough for this - neither are the police who no doubt will get to know your son next.

No no...for this kind of parent the blame ALWAYS has to go somewhere else. If it doesn't, it means they might actually have to look at themselves, 12 years in schools in London has taught me this. It's unbelievable to witness.

That teacher is someone's daughter/partner/mum.
How dare your son think it was acceptable to act as he did?
Rather than thinking of complaining, you should be insisting he write a letter of apology and buying her a bottle of wine!
People like you are the reason I never want to set foot in a classroom again.

The media picks up all sorts of threads from here. Not this one. I wonder why?

Your son viciously carried out an unprovoked attack and this is what you’re focusing on? What message does this send your son?

This is not consistent with your OP...

"The head of year has forcibly got in the middle and told my son to get out - he did - but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her and again screamed at him to get out. She’s not big or tall and she didn’t hurt him."

So your DS was fighting the boy... She got in the middle and told your son to get out. He turned back around to be aggressive/violent AGAIN to say something to the other boy and she reacted by escalating her management to a physical prompt, because your son wasn't just getting out ... He was continuing to stay in that situation by saying something to the other boy.

Your son was in the wrong. Poor teacher.

But you said she did it after he turned back around. You say he was going to say something but how is she to know he wasn’t turning around to be violent again?

You say she wasn’t under attack - are you kidding me?? You don’t think she didn’t feel under threat, vulnerable, scared? With 3 boys to deal with as well! Which is besides the point because she was responsible for the child that was violently assaulted by your son, so would’ve been ok to use reasonable force regardless.

What an absolute joke.

Maybe the police have become involved. If so, good.

You need an emergency reality check. Your priorities are all wrong. Stop playing the victim instead of taking responsibility for your role in this disastrous situation. This attitude has influenced your son and turned him into an entitled violent yob. That poor teacher. No wonder noone wants to do that shitty underpaid job any more. Hopefully he'll be arrested/expelled. This attitude is part of everything that is wrong with UK society today.

Excuse me Jimmy would you mind leaving the room please.
Is that what she should have done?
Seriously?

You are lucky she stepped in. Your kid could be facing a murder charge right now.

You are aware that one punch can kill right?

4 kids onto one could have gone horribly wrong. (Even more than now)

Your kid went out of the way to find another kid and assault them. If I were the other parent I'd be calling the police too.

I’m sure he was just turning around again to say ‘sorry mate - hug and make up?’

Your son will hopefully will be excluded permanently and you need to wind our neckin. It's kidslike yours and parents like you who make the whole system unsafe for all the others. The teacher does not deserve this and neither the other children in the school

Not surprised the poster never came back. Unfortunately very sure they're currently complaining to the school.

I hope the poor kid who got attacked is getting help. I cannot believe anyone would look at this and think the 'teacher' is the problem here. I wish I knew who she was - I'd buy her a drink!

Good point. I hope so.