WIBU if I complain about this teacher?

[Throwawaymama]

I need impartial advice in an awful situation.

my son (14) has got into a fight today at school. I am not happy about this obviously. Lots of stuff going on and I’m looking at getting him help.

There has been back and forth drama between him and another boy for the past few weeks, and today this other boy was being kept in isolation at lunch with his head of year (boy is year below so it’s a different HOY). I don’t know why but he was with her all afternoon.

my son has found out where he was and gone storming into the room with 3 of his friends (again this is NOT okay) and started to punch this boy.

here’s the bit I’m not happy with.

the head of year has forcibly got in the middle and told my son to get out - he did - but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her and again screamed at him to get out. She’s not big or tall and she didn’t hurt him.

WIBU to complain about the teacher doing this? I thought they weren’t allowed to put hands on students?

throwaway for obvious reasons.

You have got to be having a laugh. I hope the other boys parents press charges because your poor son clearly isn’t going to learn anything about consequences from you.

If I (also not big or tall) was in a room with 4 aggressive 14 year old boys who came in with intent to harm and caused ABH I would have been scared. As they left and he turned I’d be using my own judgement to protect myself and the younger child.

this is reasonable force and she had to make a snap decision in the moment. How awful for her.

I would also be calling the police.

Apple
tree

A 14 year old boy with 3 of his friends storms in to beat up another child, starts throwing punches. The teacher, who you say is a small woman, will be expected to protect that other child and keep them safe. Imagine being in that situation yourself? Do you think you could act rationally and keep everyone safe? I'll be honest, I'd have been scared if I was that teacher and I don't really scare easily, but she was alone and knew she had a responsibility to protect the child. Adrenaline would have been high and she would have done what was natural at that time.
Teachers aren't prison guards or police. They're not trained in restraint techniques or ready for violence to break out at any moment.
So, yes you would be very unreasonable to complain. If I was you I would be thanking the teacher for breaking it up and be deeply apologetic that your son put her through that.

<hands OP even bigger spoon>

Are you joking?! You must be.

‘She’s not big or tall and she didn’t hurt him’

If either of my boys had had to be kept apart from another kid after a fight, by a female teacher, who you’ve admitted is small in stature, I’d be livid with them. For the fight (because he stormed into a room, with 3 friends, and started throwing punches, you know this very much not ok right?!) and for the absolute fear of god he probably put into the teacher - 2 teenage boys fighting, with 2 more stood watching?! I’d be petrified about how to de escalate that!

Your son has been a grade A dickhead, and this is your chance not to be one too by teaching him actions have consequences, do not focus on deflecting attention to the teacher.

Jesus.

So he says

And this is what is wrong with 'kids today'

Your projecting your anger on to the teacher. If I was in your position I couldn't care less if she pushed my son and shouted at him if he'd came in to a room and attached another pupil who is a year younger. I'd be angry, mortified and absolutely disgusted by his behaviour. I'd imagine the teacher was likely shaken up also witnessing that.

Jesus Christ. What is wrong with you? Why don’t you concentrate on punishment for absolute dick of a son. Poor teacher having to deal with that and now have to deal with his absolute cockwomble of a mother

Bbz you are not doing your son any favours by reporting this teacher. All it will do will reinforce his belief that he is a victim/ can do no wrong. And i'm assuming this belief has come from you, jumping in to excuse his bad behaviour.

No it is not ok for a teacher to put their hands on a student but in your opening post you said
the head of year has forcibly got in the middle and told my son to get out - he did - but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her and again screamed at him to get out
To me that reads that if your son had walked away when told to and when she first got in the middle he wouldn’t have been touched , he was pushed when he turned around to have another go so frankly I’d back the teacher in this case . Just think about what your son has done - stormed into a classroom, with a gang to attack a younger child completely unprovoked , been told to leave and has turned round to presumably have another go . I can’t see many people arguing that the teacher overstepped , particularly in this day and age where frankly children do attack teachers .

Sort your dick head kid out

Was the younger boy was in isolation with his HOY to keep him safe from your son? Either way, yabvu to complain. Your son and his friends are probably much larger and stronger than her (my son is 15 and a little shorter then me (I’m quite tall) but he’s much stronger already). She did a brave thing to protect her student from a group attack. Imagine how frightening this must have been. She acted out of protection and fear. This is not what you should be focussing on.

I get it, your ds was once your baby, and it’s awful to think he could be capable of such things, but you need to be realistic about how bad this could get if you don’t start helping him sort his behaviour out.

But you said he turned to say something. Maybe she was scared and felt threatened?? Maybe she thought he could have a weapon??

you weren’t there.

I know you feel protective of your son and I’m sorry he’s having a tough time - but what if this was the other way around and your son was the younger child?

What am I reading
I would be absolutely mortified if anyone of my sons did this I could not imagine for a second even blaming the teacher for standing up for a 12/13 year old over 3 bullies who thought it was acceptable to attack a child who was in a room with a teacher
if I was that child’s parent I’d be calling the police on your son and the others.

Yay! Another violent and entitled thug being dragged up by protective moron of a mother. Just what the world needs.

"She was not being attacked"? Your son and 3 of his friends "found out where he was" and burst in. That teacher must have been terrified, both for herself and for the other boy. How on earth can you think you have a right to complain?

Teacher was probably terrified- Poor teacher! It is not ok for them to work in an unsafe environment. I wouldn’t like to feel unsafe at my workplace. Unfortunately your child is the issue.

I think the teacher is thoroughly unreasonable. What on earth were they thinking... not to have called the police and had your ds arrested for assault is definitely unreasonable.
Pushing your ds away was more than reasonable.

And if your ds thinks that seeking out a younger boy and assaulting him in front of a teacher is at all reasonable, which he clearly does, as he has done it in cold blood, not in the heat of the moment, then you need to be ashamed of him, not looking for excuses.

I suspect the younger boy was not in isolation, but with a teacher because of the threats from your ds.

Hopefully they are talking to the police now.

The problem is that everyone predicting an (absolutely deserved!) permanent exclusion is probably wrong. It's almost impossible to permanently exclude kids, even violent and dangerous ones like the OP's son. He'll probably suffer very little consequence and learn nothing from the experience.

Try re-enacting this and you'll see it's sort of impossible to push someone who is moving in the other direction. When your son turned around to say something, his body will have at the very least pivoted back towards the teacher and younger child he was attacking. It's also entirely possible he stepped back in that direction.

We can all see why your son behaves the way he does.

This.

My 13 year old Y8 is 6ft tall. He's the same size as me now and if him and 3 of his mates came running at me to attack someone, there is not much I'd be able to do!

Any bets on how long this will last before @Throwawaymama goes crying to MNHQ and asking for it to be deleted because it's causing her distress in real life?

It’s parents like you that are ruining the education system in this country. The reason why teachers no longer feel safe to do their job.

The head of year acted in defence of the other student. They acted with reasonable force to protect and sort the situation as required. How would you like to go to work and have to deal with this shite.

In a few years it’ll be the police dealing with your darling sweet cherub and they’ll use actual force will you complain about them too. Why not deal with the actual issue and parent your child!!

I hope the school look at a long exclusion and possible referral to a PRU as no doubt this is just the tip of the iceberg from your child and their behaviour issues.

Going into a teachers office with two extra students for back up is a disgrace, it shows intent to cause harm. Then punching the other child whilst the teacher is there, what would you have wanted them to do if it was the other way round.