WIBU if I complain about this teacher?

[Throwawaymama]

I need impartial advice in an awful situation.

my son (14) has got into a fight today at school. I am not happy about this obviously. Lots of stuff going on and I’m looking at getting him help.

There has been back and forth drama between him and another boy for the past few weeks, and today this other boy was being kept in isolation at lunch with his head of year (boy is year below so it’s a different HOY). I don’t know why but he was with her all afternoon.

my son has found out where he was and gone storming into the room with 3 of his friends (again this is NOT okay) and started to punch this boy.

here’s the bit I’m not happy with.

the head of year has forcibly got in the middle and told my son to get out - he did - but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her and again screamed at him to get out. She’s not big or tall and she didn’t hurt him.

WIBU to complain about the teacher doing this? I thought they weren’t allowed to put hands on students?

throwaway for obvious reasons.

That poor teacher. Wow.

Oh, and he didn't 'get into a fight'. He entered her classroom with the intent to commit assault. She was protecting a younger child. I'd be calling the police if I were her.

Absolutely ‘reasonable force’

Your violent son went looking for a younger boy with some of his ‘mates’ burst into a room with her and this boy and attacked him.

Honestly be a better parent instead of trying to pin something on the teacher here. You sound like a bloody idiot.

I’d be utterly ashamed of my child rather than complain!

That teacher had probably not slept all night, was scared for her own safety, will now have to spend her time writing incident reports and having interviews and she did all that as part of our job is to safeguard children by using “reasonable force”. I do wonder how long I can keep doing this job.

Hope this is fully investigated and results in them all being expelled.

It’s perfectly plausible the teacher continued to sense a threat - given 3 boys pre-planned an assault and were so brazen to carry it out with a teacher present. WHAT?!

By your description she is small, may have been shocked and terrified, for herself and other boy. Your son begins to get verbal again….

I find it grotesque teachers have to put up with this. For any parent to have the audacity to question a minor shove given the context you need to have a serious word with yourself.

You’re barking up the wrong tree here. There are some things closer to home you need to get sorted out. And the teacher needs an apology !

‘but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her’

You are making it sound like the teacher went after him to push him when in your OP you say he turned around again. The teacher clearly perceived a 2nd threat from your son.

You need to have an ounce of empathy for the teacher. She’s sitting with a child, alone. Suddenly 3 boys come in, all probably larger than she is, all fired up. She ends a fight and gets the main instigator out. He then turns to shout something, again escalating the situation. She is very physically close to him at this point.

She must have been frightened and desperate to get the boys out into a public space where she can get help. She absolutely had reason to believe she was about to become a victim as well.

@Throwawaymama now that you’ve had your arse handed to you, I very much hope you will see the error of your ways and step up and do the correct thing.

Oh and “I’m looking at getting him help” is not enough. I also find this is the response of someone who wants to appear to be doing something but doesn’t want to actually do it themselves or acknowledge they are part of the problem. “Help” will not be immediate, whatever you think you can arrange. You need to act now. He needs serious consequences at home as well as at school. He needs to know his parent will support the school when he has done wrong. He needs to make amends and you need to make him. You need to make him understand that his behaviour was awful and how using some flimsy transparent deflection tactic about the teacher pushing him “when he was walking away” (yeah, right!) isn’t going to cut the mustard.

Also mentioning the fact the other boy had been in isolation all afternoon….i see what you’re doing there. More blame shifting. In other words the other boy is no angel as why would he need to be in isolation all afternoon? But that is irrelevant! Your DS went mob handed and attacked him in front of a teacher. Which shows he doesn’t give a shit and thinks he can do what he likes! (Ever wondered why he thinks that?!). You have enabled this behaviour and you’re still doing it even now by trying to shift whatever blame you can onto the other boy and the teacher.

I don’t think one person on here has supported your view. I hope you take that on board. You should be unreservedly apologising to that poor teacher and so should your DS. You are a terrible parent.

Are you actually being serious!!!!!!!

She was probably scared. Sounds like she was. I don’t blame her. 4 teenage boys show up to start beating up a younger boy who is alone with only her to protect him.

Also, you say your son turned around to say something as he left. She didn’t know that was “all he was doing”. So she reacted accordingly.

I would not be focusing on making complaints about staff in your shoes. I would be far concerned with dealing with my child’s behaviour. And figuring out how to sort things out if the other child’s parents report this incident to police. I absolutely would if my child was set upon like that.

I'm glad you have had your arse handed to you on here. The thing you took from this situation is that you need to complain about the teacher who pushed your son away when he was threatening other students? Wow. Just wow.

I guess it hasn't occurred to you that your son might have exaggerated what the teacher did to deflect from his own disgraceful behaviour, knowing that you'd bite and shift the focus? I wonder how many times he's got away with things by doing that.

Honestly, no wonder nobody wants to teach any more. Deal with your violent little shit of a son, never mind complaining about a teacher trying to protect others from him and his horrid mates.

All of this

“Getting help” used to be just “parenting”. It’s tedious to read how external agencies are always assumed to be needed loading more burden in the system. What’s needed here is you going on parenting courses.

Probably not.

Your son is a violent thug and you are supporting and enabling his behaviour. You should be ashamed.

A teenager who is capable of attacking someone is more than capable of lying about a teacher to try and deflect attention from what he did. I hope they expel him to keep the staff and students safe from him.

Oh my gosh..I hope this is a joke or trolling thread. It has certainly put paid to any desire I had to retrain as a secondary school teacher if a parent of a violent thug would complain about a teacher doing this!
If he had managed to get to the kid and cause some real damage would we be saying the same about a teacher standing back and not putting their hands on the kid? Sounds like your kid needs some tough discipline, as do a lot of kids.

I hope he is excluded and behaves in just as foul a way to you... See how your patience holds out....will you end up gently pushing him away if he comes at you or someone else in the house like a violent rageful beast I wonder?

Good luck teachers!!! You deserve a medal (or a pay rise!!!)

Why the hell would she do it as he was walking away? She’d be glad to see the back of him . Your son sounds like a nightmare. . Wake up and acknowledge that he needs sorting out.

The teacher did not break a chair over her little darlings head.

He entered the room with an adult who had safeguarding responsibilities with the intent to carryout a violent criminal assault on another younger child.

And had 3 of his mates along to act as backup.

And this was an ongoing pattern of actions by the OPs child.

The teacher managed to break up the planned attack yet the OP should be asking the school about how they plan to manage her violent little darling?

If the OP had put her energy and outrage into managing her son the school would not have had to deal with it for her.

@HangryGooose why should the teacher have to sit down and talk with @Throwawaymama at all after what she's been though at the hands of her violent son?

Absolutely.

But I bet she'll be made to.

It's the sort of stuff that makes teachers hand in their notice.

She was not being attacked but your son and his mates did attack and she helped defend him.

he was told to get out and instead of leaving turned to mouth off again. How was the teacher to know he and his friends were not going to attack again?

your son is a bully, getting his friends to help him beat up a younger child and you should be focusing on that, nit the teacher defending a child

if I was that child’s parent I would be reporting it to the police and hoping they arrest your nasty child and I certainly hope the school exclude him

FOUR boys burst into the room, not three. The OP’s violent revengeful bully and his back up thugs.

Wow. Your son sounds like trouble. Was she meant to sit back and let him batter some poor child while she asked him politely to please stop? If a group of kids came running into my daughter's classroom to attack her I would want an adult to jump in to stop them and I'd be thanking them. You are lucky your son was stopped before he did serious damage (at least I hope he was!)

I hope your son is arrested and you should be looking for a 'lot' of support just now. He might be kicked out of school for this.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding? I hope your son is kicked out of that school faster than anything I can imagine. He’s a disgrace and so are you for trying to come up with a complaint here.