WIBU if I complain about this teacher?

[Throwawaymama]

I need impartial advice in an awful situation.

my son (14) has got into a fight today at school. I am not happy about this obviously. Lots of stuff going on and I’m looking at getting him help.

There has been back and forth drama between him and another boy for the past few weeks, and today this other boy was being kept in isolation at lunch with his head of year (boy is year below so it’s a different HOY). I don’t know why but he was with her all afternoon.

my son has found out where he was and gone storming into the room with 3 of his friends (again this is NOT okay) and started to punch this boy.

here’s the bit I’m not happy with.

the head of year has forcibly got in the middle and told my son to get out - he did - but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her and again screamed at him to get out. She’s not big or tall and she didn’t hurt him.

WIBU to complain about the teacher doing this? I thought they weren’t allowed to put hands on students?

throwaway for obvious reasons.

I am struggling to get my head round your reaction to this situation. What your son did is actually quite sinister. He gathered a gang together and went to track down a younger boy specifically to beat him up. When they found him, the presence of a teacher did not stop them barging into the room and assaulting him mob-handed. That is extreme behaviour. It's not just heat-of-the-moment teenage aggression - he clearly has absolutely no respect for adult authority, and no fear of consequences. I worked in the criminal justice system for many years, so I don't shock easily, but this is really bad. If you don't take very serious action to deal with his behaviour, your son will inevitably end up with a criminal record, and eventually in prison.

Stop trying to dredge up some sort of 'aha but someone else did something wrong too' complaint. It would have been quite understandable if the teacher had felt unable to intervene and had run for help. Instead, she put herself at risk of physical harm from your violent, out-of-control son, including making sure he actually got far enough away that there was no risk of him resuming his assault. If your son comes out of this with a clean criminal record, it will be down to her response. I'd be amazed if the police haven't been contacted anyway, but if the boy had sustained serious injuries, the chances of your son being charged with an offence would be much, much higher.

I can't imagine your son is going to be up for apologising in any meaningful way, so maybe you should be speaking to the teacher and making it clear that you support her fully. Honestly, your response is unbelievable.

That poor teacher must have been terrified with three boys coming in to hit a child she was with. Your son is a thug.

This is the type of parent who angrily blames the teacher for their child’s shit grades and attitude while taking absolutely no responsibility. She is teaching her so. not to take any responsibility in turn and will complain when the school is staffed by supply teachers - if they can get them!

The last time I put myself between a child and a larger/older boy with his mates coming to get him, the instigator/ringleader turned away as though to leave and came back with a fucking six inch kitchen knife, intending to go through me to get to the kid he was targeting.

Thank fuck a passing Y11 built like a bulldozer heard what was going on and relieved him of his weapon whilst I ran out and refused to come back on site until he was removed.

Had I been offered flowers and chocolates, I'd have wanted to tell the stupid bint to shove them up her arse if she thought it would make a difference (would have done, obviously, but they would have gone straight in the bin - and there would be no way on earth I'd have agreed to see them in any case). The only thing that would have made me feel better was what happened - they all got immediately permanently excluded and split up into different PRUs.

Useless headteachers who have ingested too much Paul Dix are far too common too, I've learned after being on supply for a bit! Solidarity with you. I had a head apologise on my behalf to a parent after I was spat on and threatened. Roundly told off by head as I had asked the poor love to wait for a minute, with the rest of the class, before entering the classroom. He had wanted his water bottle. Could have been dehydrated. Not too dehydrated to gob on me though! Oh and no, he wasn't suspended or anything.
I also quit the day after.

”How would you feel if the other lad was your son?”

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse has asked a very pertinent question, @Throwawaymama - if the situation was reversed, and if your son was sought out and attacked by four bigger boys, would you be complaining about the teacher pushing one of your son’s attackers out of the room? I doubt it.

You're a shit parent and that's why you have a vile kid. Your attitude is the reason he will grow up to be an equally vile adult.

Fingers crossed that the school permanently exclude him so that poor teacher never has to deal with you or your equally wretched son again.

He turned back. He stopped and turned back. The teacher had to protect herself and that child. He wasn’t leaving; he stopped and turned back @Throwawaymama .

She did what she had to do to get him out of that room. It wasn’t when he was walking away. He stopped and turned back and she was standing there between him and a younger child he wanted to beat, so she was in danger, the child was in danger and your son turned back to face them again. She pushed him out of the room. She did nothing wrong.

You need to sort yourself out because if you can’t accept that then you have no hope of sorting your son out.

I have been teaching for nearly 20yrs. For the last five of those I’ve worked in a PRU and it’s been eye-opening, even though I worked in pretty rough schools prior. However, what you’re describing your son having done @Throwawaymamawould be a bit much even for there and he would be very likely to be expelled from us as a result. I’ve only ever seen one incident in five years that comes close to that kind of undiluted thuggery… I’m sorry to say it, but your son is going down a really bad road if this is how he’s behaving (and your excusing his behaviour is very likely to be part of the problem).

if you complain about the teacher you will be the absolute laughing stock of that staff room and every teacher will be saying it’s clear why he is the way he is. Don’t be that parent. Put some real consequences in place and support the school. Jesus.

What do you think she should have done op?

Being permanently excluded is rare these days but I wouldn’t be surprised if your son is expelled. He is a danger to both students and staff. There is no way the boy he attacked or the teacher should have to face your son in the corridors or classrooms again.

I think I am understanding why your child behaves as he does. OP--I doubt your son is telling the truth. He had no problem invading a space with his "mates" to beat up a younger boy. The ONLY ones in the wrong here was your son and his "friends" who attacked a defenseless boy.

Your child acted like a prison inmate gang member going to attack someone and you are upset that he was pushed away by a teacher? GMAFB!

You need to do something with your son before he becomes a prison inmate gang member for real. He is obviously out of control at the very, very least. I suspect it goes deeper than that though. smdhays

OP is never coming back...

I don’t think the OP will return. Not one single person on here thinks she has a grievance, but I expect she’ll go and complain anyway. I just hope that complaint is treated with the contempt it deserves.

Your son was actively being an aggressor. That teacher was right to protect the younger child and herself. Teach him respect and to control his temper before it’s too late !

I hope he is expelled and made to go to a school that can better deal with his anger issues. Or just tell "dear OP" that she can homeschool the little budding prison gang member.

I went to school with a young man who became a teacher. That ended when a student basically threw him across the room and permanently ended his career. Former students continued to write about how wonderful of a teacher he was, until he died about 25 or more years before his time.

That poor teacher who had to deal with your son's totally unacceptable behaviour...

Parents like you are why our education system is on its knees.

Jesus Christ 🤦🏻‍♀️ Your yob of a son burst into a room, mob-handed with 3 mates, and physically attacked another child with punches. The only adult present was a female teacher who you have described as small and possibly smaller than your son. She, quite rightly, had to protect the other child being assaulted and herself. And you are indignant that she pushed him out of the room?!

Am truly gob-smacked. Perhaps you should do some parenting and manage your son’s behaviour.

i hope he gets permanently excluded and that the other boy’s parents press charges for assault.

Sadly, there are many, many parents who behave EXACTLY like this.

They feel that their child, even when doing something horrific, like this attack, excuse it and "explain it away". They end up turning the blame onto the school, the teachers, the other students, the janitor; ANYONE but the one truly at fault.
It's never their "poor baby's fault" and will continue the excuses and blaming others as their offspring starts doing worse and worse crimes and end up in prison.

She’s taken him for a Maccie D’s as a reward and let him have an extra 2 hours on his Xbox. Absolute scum.

Unreasonable doesn't come close to covering your current state, OP.

Off your fucking tits is the correct term, assuming this is real.

That scenario wasn't getting her the "support" she expected to get. She wanted MNers to be frothing at the mouth, urging her to "get the teacher". Instead, she got sane, thoughtful, horrified, "I'm gob-smacked" replies telling her that she and her child are acting abhorently.

I doubt she'll be back as she doesn't want to face the truth; which is, her NVDAHS is a thug, a bully and a budding criminal, with MH and anger issues.

This is why I had to leave working on reception at a rough secondary school- the parents- my god, I’ve never seen human behaviour like this before I started 🫣

A few years into my teaching career (about 20 years ago), I had an incident in a year 9 lesson when a boy suddenly attacked another boy who had swiped his baseball cap. Within seconds they were rolling on the floor fighting and the aggressor was on top of the other boy, grabbed a pair of scissors off a desk and was trying to stab the other boy in the face. It was absolutely terrifying. As the only adult present, I was responsible for everyone’s safety in that room.

i shouted at one child to run and fetch another teacher. I then got behind the aggressor and had to use all my strength to restrain him. In the struggle, I nearly got stabbed in the leg. A huge male teacher ran in and was able to drag the aggressor off. Everything happened in a matter of maybe 2 minutes. It was absolutely terrifying, so much so that I was shaking all evening at home.

The aggressor was permanently excluded. No one checked on my welfare or thanked me for protecting a child from being stabbed, or acknowledged that I could have been seriously hurt whilst intervening. OP would undoubtedly have complained about me ‘laying hands on’ her violent, criminal son. There really are no words for some parents or their vile offspring.

I was so affected by the incident and the lack of support afterwards that I resigned from the school at the next opportunity and left at the end of the summer term. Still think about it 20 years later.