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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU if I complain about this teacher?

418 replies

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:35

I need impartial advice in an awful situation.

my son (14) has got into a fight today at school. I am not happy about this obviously. Lots of stuff going on and I’m looking at getting him help.

There has been back and forth drama between him and another boy for the past few weeks, and today this other boy was being kept in isolation at lunch with his head of year (boy is year below so it’s a different HOY). I don’t know why but he was with her all afternoon.

my son has found out where he was and gone storming into the room with 3 of his friends (again this is NOT okay) and started to punch this boy.

here’s the bit I’m not happy with.

the head of year has forcibly got in the middle and told my son to get out - he did - but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her and again screamed at him to get out. She’s not big or tall and she didn’t hurt him.

WIBU to complain about the teacher doing this? I thought they weren’t allowed to put hands on students?

throwaway for obvious reasons.

OP posts:
BlazenWeights · 20/05/2025 09:42

Your son is going to end up in jail soon if you keep raising him this way.

arcticpandas · 20/05/2025 09:45

I understand what's wrong with some teenagers when there are parents like the OP. Bravo. You have successfully raised an entitled thug.

BusyMum47 · 20/05/2025 10:01

@Throwawaymama

Are you f*ing kidding?? Your son was 100% in the wrong & the teacher did her job (& put herself at risk) by putting herself inbetween the boys.

When your son swung back round to supposedly jusy 'say' something else, after being told to leave, she probably, quite naturally, thought he was coming back in for another pop! She was well within her rights to push him away from her, in order to protect both the other child and herself!!

And your issue that you're focusing on is to question HER putting her hands on your angry, violent son?? Shouldn't you be more worried about the fact that your son didn't 'get into a fight' at all - he deliberately sought out & attacked another child!!! FFS.

Hipatch · 20/05/2025 10:04

Are you joking? This is the reason kids today are like this. Weak parents.

BusyMum47 · 20/05/2025 10:07

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:44

My son should not have done this.
it was absolutely unacceptable

however if she did it after he was walking away that is also not reasonable.

Show quote history

But you said he stopped walking away & turned back round to 'say' something else - she probably, understandably, thought he was coming back for more.

And you only have your son's word for any of this, anyway - your son, the violent lout.

You are a complete moron for thinking this is the takeaway from this situation. Stop trying to redirect blame onto the poor teacher instead of the real issue.

BusyMum47 · 20/05/2025 10:08

InfiniteTeas · 19/05/2025 21:07

I am struggling to get my head round your reaction to this situation. What your son did is actually quite sinister. He gathered a gang together and went to track down a younger boy specifically to beat him up. When they found him, the presence of a teacher did not stop them barging into the room and assaulting him mob-handed. That is extreme behaviour. It's not just heat-of-the-moment teenage aggression - he clearly has absolutely no respect for adult authority, and no fear of consequences. I worked in the criminal justice system for many years, so I don't shock easily, but this is really bad. If you don't take very serious action to deal with his behaviour, your son will inevitably end up with a criminal record, and eventually in prison.

Stop trying to dredge up some sort of 'aha but someone else did something wrong too' complaint. It would have been quite understandable if the teacher had felt unable to intervene and had run for help. Instead, she put herself at risk of physical harm from your violent, out-of-control son, including making sure he actually got far enough away that there was no risk of him resuming his assault. If your son comes out of this with a clean criminal record, it will be down to her response. I'd be amazed if the police haven't been contacted anyway, but if the boy had sustained serious injuries, the chances of your son being charged with an offence would be much, much higher.

I can't imagine your son is going to be up for apologising in any meaningful way, so maybe you should be speaking to the teacher and making it clear that you support her fully. Honestly, your response is unbelievable.

1000% this! ⬆️

ConnieHeart · 20/05/2025 10:10

No, you said in your op that he turned around to say something to the other boy. He was not walking away. I don't blame her for what she did. Poor teachers have so much to deal with these days and parents like you aren't helping

Dramatic · 20/05/2025 10:17

I would be absolutely horrified if one of my kids tracked down a younger child and violently attacked him. I wouldn't care what the teacher did to stop him that would be completely irrelevant to me. I'd be wondering how I'd failed in my parenting so spectacularly and what I could do to try and rectify the situation.

You are lucky because if my child was attacked in this way I'd be ringing the police straight away.

FuzzyYellowChicken · 20/05/2025 10:19

arcticpandas · 20/05/2025 09:45

I understand what's wrong with some teenagers when there are parents like the OP. Bravo. You have successfully raised an entitled thug.

Yep. If your first thought is shall i complain about the teacher in this circumstance... THATS the problem right there.

Would be more understanding of this thread was entitled "help, advice needed, how do I deal with my son's shocking behaviours" or something similar.

KoiTetra · 20/05/2025 10:26

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:39

It is not.
im NOT okay with what my son did but im also not okay with a teacher putting her hands on my child.

i looked it up and I don’t feel it applies. She was not being attacked.

Show quote history

You are wrong 1000%! Your child not only started a fight he actively encouraged two friends to join him, sought out a younger child with the intention to attack them, knowingly did so with a senior member of staff present....

If I was the other parent not only would I be expecting the school to come down like a ton of bricks I would be going to the police and expecting assault charges filed, this was a pre meditated and planned attack.

The teacher pushed, see the word, pushed. She did not punch, hit, kick she pushed your child.

That is an act that is used to direct someone, create space or give time. She was probably scared herself with 3 boys in close proximity who have shown no issue with premeditated violence. She was quite right to push him away and protect the child being attacked.

Now rather than being worried about if a teacher placed a hand on your son how about you go and work on not raising a criminal who is going to spend their life in jail for being a violent thug!

Dramatic · 20/05/2025 10:41

Reliablesource · 19/05/2025 22:09

A few years into my teaching career (about 20 years ago), I had an incident in a year 9 lesson when a boy suddenly attacked another boy who had swiped his baseball cap. Within seconds they were rolling on the floor fighting and the aggressor was on top of the other boy, grabbed a pair of scissors off a desk and was trying to stab the other boy in the face. It was absolutely terrifying. As the only adult present, I was responsible for everyone’s safety in that room.

i shouted at one child to run and fetch another teacher. I then got behind the aggressor and had to use all my strength to restrain him. In the struggle, I nearly got stabbed in the leg. A huge male teacher ran in and was able to drag the aggressor off. Everything happened in a matter of maybe 2 minutes. It was absolutely terrifying, so much so that I was shaking all evening at home.

The aggressor was permanently excluded. No one checked on my welfare or thanked me for protecting a child from being stabbed, or acknowledged that I could have been seriously hurt whilst intervening. OP would undoubtedly have complained about me ‘laying hands on’ her violent, criminal son. There really are no words for some parents or their vile offspring.

I was so affected by the incident and the lack of support afterwards that I resigned from the school at the next opportunity and left at the end of the summer term. Still think about it 20 years later.

This made my heart start racing just reading it, I can't imagine how terrified you and the other kids must have been. I'm so sorry you had to endure that. It's not something anyone should have to deal with.

cheddercherry · 20/05/2025 10:47

He walked away.. and you said he THEN turned back around, therefore she was exerting reasonable force. She had no idea he wouldn’t kick off again or hurt her or the other students.

Your son is the issue, your son is the one in the wrong. She had every right to get him out of that room and safeguard the children in her care. You are so beyond unreasonable to not understand how terrified those in the room must have felt when you son AND three other boys stormed in. The fact you’re even spending time trying to shift blame on her and not just deal with your son who caused this entire incident is beyond me.

MrsMappFlint · 20/05/2025 10:55

I really do not know why teachers do not involve the police. If the school won't do it, then is the teacher not allowed to approach them on her own behalf.

No wonder, they cannot attract good teachers who dedicate their careers to teaching.

Surely, any parent-like this one-who turns up the next day to try and make some sort of complaint-should be given the bum's rush straight out of the door, manhandled, and told never to come back.

From reading this board though, with its shocking stories, I imagine a senior teacher will sit down and try to appease her.

Why do teachers do this? If you did this in the doctors, you would be off the list and quite right. If you verbally abuse a call handler-they cut you off and quite right. But when it comes to teachers-they take the side of the offender.

It really is about time the profession grew a pair of balls and refused to teach violent criminals-because that is what this boy is. A criminal doesn't have to be convicted to be a criminal.

Don't send him to another school-withdraw his marvellous chance at a free education and let his mum apply her great brain to homeschooling him. See how that pans out.

In this particular case, the OP should invest a good suit for when her thuggish son appears in the dock, as I have no doubt he will-it surely will be just be a matter of time.

Hopefully, in his criminal career, he will come up before at least one judge who will send him down for a good long time.

HonestAquaMember · 20/05/2025 10:58

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:39

It is not.
im NOT okay with what my son did but im also not okay with a teacher putting her hands on my child.

i looked it up and I don’t feel it applies. She was not being attacked.

Show quote history

You're okay with your son putting hands on another boy, but not a teacher putting hands on him to stop him hurting someone else?

People wonder why teachers are leaving!!!

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 20/05/2025 11:00

Jesus OP. It's pretty clear why your son thinks it's acceptable to behave like this.

I'd be quite content for a large, burly, male PE teacher to have physically knocked my DS on his ass or physically restrained him for what your son did. If there were some bruises to show for it, again, just desserts.

Parents like you are what's wrong with society.

Just1712 · 20/05/2025 11:39

So over 1000 people have told OP she is being unreasonable. There are no updates. Please tell me she has not ignored the advice and gone and complained about the poor teacher, making even more work for the school🙈

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/05/2025 11:40

We can but hope, @Just1712.

ilovesooty · 20/05/2025 11:48

MrsMappFlint · 20/05/2025 10:55

I really do not know why teachers do not involve the police. If the school won't do it, then is the teacher not allowed to approach them on her own behalf.

No wonder, they cannot attract good teachers who dedicate their careers to teaching.

Surely, any parent-like this one-who turns up the next day to try and make some sort of complaint-should be given the bum's rush straight out of the door, manhandled, and told never to come back.

From reading this board though, with its shocking stories, I imagine a senior teacher will sit down and try to appease her.

Why do teachers do this? If you did this in the doctors, you would be off the list and quite right. If you verbally abuse a call handler-they cut you off and quite right. But when it comes to teachers-they take the side of the offender.

It really is about time the profession grew a pair of balls and refused to teach violent criminals-because that is what this boy is. A criminal doesn't have to be convicted to be a criminal.

Don't send him to another school-withdraw his marvellous chance at a free education and let his mum apply her great brain to homeschooling him. See how that pans out.

In this particular case, the OP should invest a good suit for when her thuggish son appears in the dock, as I have no doubt he will-it surely will be just be a matter of time.

Hopefully, in his criminal career, he will come up before at least one judge who will send him down for a good long time.

If any teacher in my last school said they wanted to report an assault on them to the police the Head told them he'd make sure they never taught anywhere else. That included his own Deputy Head.

Daysgo · 20/05/2025 11:49

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:44

My son should not have done this.
it was absolutely unacceptable

however if she did it after he was walking away that is also not reasonable.

Show quote history

It was absolutely unacceptable, your son, and some friends , stormed into a room to attack a younger child. I think the teacher did perfectly to get the violent attackers ie your son and his friends, out of the room the younger child was in before any of them decided to go for a second try to attack the younger child. I think she deserves your apologies for your son's behaviour and your thanks for dealing with the situation and conceivably avoiding your son facing assault charges.

I think you're trying to downgrade the violent behaviour of your son by accusing the teacher. I think it's pathetic, and I also think it goes some way perhaps to explaining your sons behaviour.

ilovesooty · 20/05/2025 11:54

In fact when the Deputy was assaulted pupils wondered whether the pupil in question might be expelled. One of my class had it right. "Mrs X (the boy's mother) will threaten to go to the papers. Mr B (the Head) will be trying to shut her up. He won't back Mr M (the Deputy) up. M. (the pupil) will be back in class by break. That was what happened - just as she said.

TofuEater · 20/05/2025 11:58

Presumably the reason the younger boy was in isolation was to protect him from your son and his gang of thugs?

budgiegirl · 20/05/2025 12:16

however if she did it after he was walking away that is also not reasonable

I suspect that this is not how it happened at all. You already said this but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her and again screamed at him to get out. He clearly wasn't just walking away, by your own admission. Even if all he did was turn round to verbally abuse the other boy, it's not unreasonable for the teacher to assume that he was going to attack again, given that he had already done so. She was therefore attempting to physically prevent this, which she is allowed to do.

It must have been extremely frightening for her. Four teenage boys, presumably all bigger and stronger than her, attacking a younger boy in her presence. She's a very brave woman, and you are an idiot for thinking that she did something wrong. What else should she have done at this point.

Don't you dare make a complaint. Your son is the problem, not the teacher who has done nothing wrong. While I sympathise with you, it must be very difficult having a violent child, you should be focussing totally on how to discipline and get help for your child. Don't criticise a teacher who was only doing her best in a very scary situation. No wonder teachers are leaving the profession. Parents like you are reason.

grapesandmelon · 20/05/2025 12:39

MrsMappFlint · 20/05/2025 10:55

I really do not know why teachers do not involve the police. If the school won't do it, then is the teacher not allowed to approach them on her own behalf.

No wonder, they cannot attract good teachers who dedicate their careers to teaching.

Surely, any parent-like this one-who turns up the next day to try and make some sort of complaint-should be given the bum's rush straight out of the door, manhandled, and told never to come back.

From reading this board though, with its shocking stories, I imagine a senior teacher will sit down and try to appease her.

Why do teachers do this? If you did this in the doctors, you would be off the list and quite right. If you verbally abuse a call handler-they cut you off and quite right. But when it comes to teachers-they take the side of the offender.

It really is about time the profession grew a pair of balls and refused to teach violent criminals-because that is what this boy is. A criminal doesn't have to be convicted to be a criminal.

Don't send him to another school-withdraw his marvellous chance at a free education and let his mum apply her great brain to homeschooling him. See how that pans out.

In this particular case, the OP should invest a good suit for when her thuggish son appears in the dock, as I have no doubt he will-it surely will be just be a matter of time.

Hopefully, in his criminal career, he will come up before at least one judge who will send him down for a good long time.

Partly because we know that kids with parents like this already have their life chances drastically reduced. Take away their education and they have no hope. It's not fair to the child to be born to a feckless parent so schools try to do what they can to mitigate the damage and that means keeping them in school.

Partly because changes to PEX rules mean it's virtually impossible to actually exclude a child.

Partly because even though you know it's a load of nonsense, Heads can't really give their view point when a parent goes to the press. A head can't be quoted saying "Mrs X is a feckless waste of oxygen with no parenting skills. Don't believe a word she says." And they can't defend their reasoning for the consequences because it involves a child, so can't comment on the event.

Partly because police will bat it back to school unless it was drugs related or a&e level injury.

But yes, also plenty of SLT that just want the parent to shut up and go away and appeasing them is the quickest way to do that.

HappyMuma · 20/05/2025 13:31

OP parents like you are the reason there’s so much bad behaviour in schools!! The teacher was protecting a child who had been under attack from 4 older children. She didn’t hurt your son, I’d be surprised if she could if she wanted to (teenagers are huge where I am). If it was the other way round and she was protecting your son from 4 older lads would you be bothered how she did it?

WomenInSTEM · 20/05/2025 13:44

ilovesooty · 20/05/2025 11:48

If any teacher in my last school said they wanted to report an assault on them to the police the Head told them he'd make sure they never taught anywhere else. That included his own Deputy Head.

Show quote history

That's absolutely scandalous. Imagine people working for any other organization being told that.

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