Daughter won’t come on holiday

[OneLilacPanda]

I have planned a holiday for my family (me, husband, son and 2 daughters). We haven’t been away together for a number of years, so I was looking forward to this trip.

Everything was going fine until my daughter (25, youngest) asked to bring her partner. I don’t have anything against him, but this is a family holiday. I explained this to my daughter and she said she doesn’t want to come if she can’t bring her partner as she see’s him as family too. They’ve been together since she was 19, but live about 7 hours away so we don’t see them much.

my daughter is now saying she doesn’t want to come. AIBU for thinking she doesn’t need to do everything with him and she should still come on holiday?

Wow, when I saw the title of the thread I assumed we’d be talking about a moody teenager!

You can’t force her to come without her partner, she’s a grown adult. And after 6 years together, I’d assume he knows everyone very well. She’s not going to waste paid holiday from work (assuming she has a job)) going somewhere without her partner, and it’s extremely selfish if you to think otherwise.

I agree with @TheSwarm - marriage is not a prerequisite to make a family. I would r say your opinion is absolute rubbish, @TwinklySquid - but I do think it is blinkered and narrow minded.

Where does it stop though? My stepdad has been in my life for 45 years. He and my mother never married so isnhe simply not family on your view?
For me he is family as much as my.father. in fact I says "my dads" when people ask what family I still have in Denmark (whwre I grew up)

My children call him grandad and in October when dd1 gets married he will be the only grandparent present at the wedding as my other dads health is such he cant make it.

To me family is about love not blood. Stepdad is 100% my stepdad in fact growing up he was the parent I saw the most of and he is 100% my childrens grandad. I dont need a piece of paper telling me whom is our family.

I speak of dd1s fiance as my son in law. They live together so he became aon in law. Ds girlfriend is still his girlfriend but I suspect this will change next year when they lwave uni and move in together officially.

This. You’re being really unreasonable to dictate to an adult. No wonder she doesn’t want to come.

I’m not sure why people are listing their life stories to prove their point.

The daughter might consider her partner her family, but that doesn’t mean OP would. I have friends who are like family to me but wouldn’t be invited on a family holiday by my family.

You are welcome to have your own opinion, as I have mine.

You wouldn't leave DH yi go on holiday with family. After 7 years he's your SiL in all but name, include him or if they have children you risk being on the outside looking in

She's 25 for heavens sake, I can quite see why she doesn't want to come on holiday if she can't bring her long-term boyfriend.

I got married at 25, lived together since i was 19, not sure i would have gone on holiday with my parents and siblings without my husband.

I’m not surprised your daughter said no having been with her partner for 6 years. He is her family as it stands and he should be included. What if she had been married to him for 6 years? Would you have said the same and he couldn’t come? I would have said no also. You’re creating a very difficult path for yourself if you carry on like this and causing an unnecessary divide.

I think she is old enough to please herself, and do you really want her to be miserable all through the holiday?

Mind you, if they cannot test their relationship for a short while, perhaps she should be looking for someone else?

and what if your opinion caused a huge family fallout then ? my mother thought similar I only married my now husband there last year we are over 20 years together. After what my mother said really soured our relationship. just that one comment. your opinion can seriously damage things

YABU not inviting her partner given they've been together for 6 years.

I was with my partner from 17, if my Mum wanted me to go on holiday without him 6 years in l would have just flat refused. It's not reasonable, she is an adult with a long term partner. In early career holiday time is short, so l would not have used it for a family holiday, without my partner.

Well your reality and that of my friends, family and social circle are very different. We take numerous trips with girls, friends or family groups without our partners. I’m single at the moment but have always taken trips without my partners as well as the father of my son when we were together. To me, spending less than 5 nights apart from a partner in 10years is baffling! But each to their own.

I was asking you a question and stating my view. You reacted strongly.both to my question where I actually was interested in your wider point and to poster who called it utter toss.

Can you clarify your view further rather than going "you have your view I have mine" as despite you coming across as rather annoyed in this I DID ask you a question as to when someone will become family to you. You might also have noticed I commented ds girlfriend was not yet considered family so I also have a point where it kicks in.

I was actually interested in your view as I thought it interesting.

Good god what age are you ?, he is her family and should be yours,they're together 7 years and live together,I wouldn't entertain going without him and she's right not to go without him either.. totally unreasonable

Yabvu
My daughter is 22 and lives with her partner they've been together 3 years.
I wouldn't invite her without her partner as they are a in a serious relationship and I consider him family. However, the expectation would be that he pays for himself.

My 16 year old daughter has been with her boyfriend for 2 years.
I wouldn't dream of not inviting him when we do anything family related! He's family as far as we are concerned!

I absolutely would have invited him given their length of time as a couple. Get them to contribute financially if need be

Sorry, YABU. She's 25 and been with this guy a long time - they are a family.

I wouldn’t consider a teenage boyfriend or girlfriend “family”. No way. Surely you aren’t serious.

I totally agree. Went on loads of holidays with friends in my 20s before kids without my (now) dh. I find it an unhealthy attitude for people not to want to go away anywhere without their partners.

I’ve explained in a previous post when I think someone becomes family; marriage or child.

I’m not annoyed. I just don’t need a life story to make a point .

But your husband is your family. Your mother may never think him as her family. You’re a bit sensitive if you fell out over a silly comment like that.

but my husband wasn't my family 10 years ago when she directly told me he is not part of family as we werent married. not a silly comment it was a shocking hurtful one. family is not just married people. he became my family when we moved in and even more so when we built our house. a huge part of my life and classed as family.