Daughter won’t come on holiday

[OneLilacPanda]

I have planned a holiday for my family (me, husband, son and 2 daughters). We haven’t been away together for a number of years, so I was looking forward to this trip.

Everything was going fine until my daughter (25, youngest) asked to bring her partner. I don’t have anything against him, but this is a family holiday. I explained this to my daughter and she said she doesn’t want to come if she can’t bring her partner as she see’s him as family too. They’ve been together since she was 19, but live about 7 hours away so we don’t see them much.

my daughter is now saying she doesn’t want to come. AIBU for thinking she doesn’t need to do everything with him and she should still come on holiday?

But a partner of 7 years whom.you live with and have a life with is your family its hardly co dependent to want them included in a holiday, like I said I have dc with husbands and long term partners I don't think there is a difference.

My daughter’s boyfriend is family. I wouldn’t dream of suggesting she leave him home and come with us alone. 25- she’s not a child FGS.

I think I would consider him family with how long they've been together so she is likely upset you don't think of him as family, think you need to understand that she is 25 and has a relationship and its normal for her to want to be with him and not have him excluded

He is not her family they are not married

What an outdated view.

@Hadmysay

you sound very old fashioned

Goodness me !

Is that you dad?

My brother has been with his partner over 25 years and they have a child. Are his partner and child not family?

He’s hardly a boyfriend of a few weeks. Once you move out and in with your partner then they take precedence over any other family, because this is the person you’ve chosen to spend your future with.

Families are all different though. Those who do go away together as adults obviously all enjoy the same thing, or they wouldn’t go. It’s not depressing, it’s lovely that people can still enjoy sharing holidays no matter their age.

YABU. It's not like she's a 14 year old asking to bring a lad she's been seeing for 3 months along. A partner of 7 years is family.

And I say this as someone who still isn't seen as family by my husbands family after 13 years, it really causes friction and hurt.

I think it depends on the family and vibe. I still enjoy going away with my mum for a few days and always have done. Wouldn't be my "main" holiday but I wouldn't say it's depressing. Maybe if it's at the expense of doing other things with a partner and kids if they have them.

I don't think it's depressing. I think it's perfectly possible (and nice!) for parents and adult children to enjoy some time together on holiday. I'd find it a bit odd (though still not sure "depressing" is the right word) if that was the only holidays they did, but if you are taking a few holidays/short breaks a year, then sometimes spending one with your parents doesn't seem unusual/odd/depressing at all.

My children are 21 and 22. They joined us for a few days in Seville in January and will be coming for a week in Provence in September (we are staying longer). But they are also doing holidays with their friends and also do trips without them. Alone, and also with our friends. There's no pressure - it's their choice (though I imagine the fact we pay helps!).

I think it might become a bit less as they get older, but not necessarily. I still certainly imagine doing weekend city breaks with my daughter.

We have short breaks once a year all together but not family holidays I think that would be too much for us, our short breaks vary from visiting extended family they live In a touristy place or we go and do."something " It is definitely not depressing, my Dc are late 20s to 30s though so maybe its a bit different to late teens early 20s.

You don’t think there’s a difference but in my opinion there is. We can have differing views.

I wouldn’t kick off if it was just a family holiday. If everyone else’s partners could go, then I’d see why you’d be annoyed.

I don’t think you’ve been unreasonable at all @OneLilacPanda, and I think some of the responses you’ve got have been ridiculous.

She lives with her DP.

She lives 7 hours from you and her dad.

She presumably has 4-6 weeks annual leave.

Nope - I can’t see the issue with spending a week on holiday with your immediate family in a way you haven’t done for years and probably won’t do again for a long time, if ever.

A 25 year old woman is selfish because she would like to holiday with her partner of 6 years?

Bat. Shit.

But most people do not jaunty off on girls holidays... its something I only ever see on instagram influencers and pinterest.

Never known anyone do it in real life either. There is always forum threads of people hurt because for their birthday/hen do they decided to have one of these girl weekends and no one wants to come. Or the flip with posts from someone pissed off that their mate expects them to go for a 3 day trip to Disneyland Paris etc... that costs more than their whole holiday savings to go away with their partner and will use it rare free time.

I've at most gone to stay at a mates house for a night or 2 (we now live all over the country) without my partner but honestly this has been rare since about age 20 (can probably count on my hands the amount of nights at friends Ive had in the last 10 years) and I wouldn't call then 'holidays' it was just visiting a friend.

OP has never said at any point that her partner is her DD father, you have come up with that out of no where. In fact the absolute lack of the use of 'dad' or any reference to a relationship between him and the DD and instead using words like my partner/my DH etc... used would indicate hes likely not her father.

Spouse meaning 'a married person'.

You can have a family without being married, in fact its positively common in this day and age.

My mam and step dad where together over 30 years and had kids, never married though.

If you want to get into semantics then sharing a child makes you connected through a biological link tying family trees, making it the definition of a family. Just being married technically doesn't as you can divorce and go your separate ways with no family ties.

Some one else had asked me what the difference between spouse and partner was.

Being married, with or without kids, in my opinion, means you are a family. If they’d had kids but not married, again, they are a family as there is a proper link.

I wouldn’t consider a child’s partner “family” without marriage or a child involved.

And again, I will use my brother and his partner as an example here. Together over 25 years. They only had a child after 20 years together. Not married. Were they not family until they did have a child? Why was my SIL not family until then, considering she has known me and my parents longer than my own husband has?

I wouldn’t consider a child’s partner “family” without marriage or a child involved.

Gosh. Even if they have bought a house together, joint mortgage etc, and have lived together for years? That sounds rather 1960s

I am surprised.

As far as holidays with my adult DCs, we have done it for a special occasion for 5 days with their partners and it was so wonderful, we had such fun, a very special memory.
However, we don't make a habit of it, because they have holidays on their own and with friends, who are far more important than their old mum and dad!

Utter rubbish.

My brother and his partner have been together for ~15 years, which is actually longer than I have been married for.

They aren't married because they don't want to get married, but absolutely his partner is family and my kids know her as their auntie.

It’s really rude to call someone else’s view “utter rubbish”.

You have your view, I have mine.