DH upset that I'm getting a tattoo

[PoppyCornCob]

So to put into perspective, I'm not only the breadwinner in the family but I'm also the one who does all the "traditional" things that wives do at home apart from the cooking because I suck at it. I only take on that role when my DH isn't at home.

I work 50+ hours a week, 5 full time night shifts on top of doing 2 part time HK jobs during the day (2 days at a hotel and another 2 days with the agency). I don't work weekends because I look after our DS and the house while DH is at work. DH is a chef and works 40-45hrs each week. When he gets home, he looks after our son and cooks but that is generally it. Very rarely does he tidy up/clean the house, does the chores, feed the cat, and do admin. I do all of that. When asked, he says he will do it but always prolongs things hence I do it in the end (then he gets annoyed that I didn't let him do it).

We have separate bank accounts. All the big bills comes out of my pocket and the smaller bills comes out of his. At the moment, we are saving up for a trip to America but I have also been setting money aside for a tattoo session to treat myself for working my ass off. When I told him about it, he got very annoyed and he said that he himself would like to get a tattoo but he isn't doing so because we are saving up for the trip to America.

I told him that I'm using my own personal money for this tattoo because quite frankly, it's deserve a break. However, i offered to give him my tattoo money to get his done but he said don't bother. I don't intend to cancel my tattoo session because my DH has gotten annoyed with me but is it unreasonable of me to not take a break? I'm purely running on adrenaline every week and im super exhausted each time I get home. Like, is it wrong for me to get this tattoo for myself?

It sounds the tattoo isn't your main problem.

You have a child and separate finances.
You agreed you are saving for the US trip - are you saving a given amount each? Is the agreement you are saving all free money? Have you decided you are saving enough/more than him and can afford to do both?

In partnership, there should be some balance of rare resources, whatever it is. Sleep, time for yourself, money. Soundsneither of you is happy.

If you have enough spare cash to save for tattoos and a holiday in the US then do you really need to be working 18 hours a day? I'm not sure it would be worth it for me. Re the tattoo, maybe suggest your dp takes a break from saving for it to get something for himself too. Holidaying with young children is usually shit anyway, I'd wait until the ds was older personally

seems clear enough to me: they both work. They both have personal money.

DH is getting in a snit because OP is using some of her money for something only for her.

(am guessing she earns more than him)

I wouldn't be able to get worked up about this. As long as the tattoo is somewhere you can put on the Savlon (or whatever you use in UK) without his help, it is zero concern of his what you do with your money.

If you only get two hours sleep a night you will most likely get dementia (at an earlier age).

I think other posters are getting at the fact that there are deeper problems here than a tattoo.

You both sound overworked and stressed and that is probably why you are arguing about such trivial things.

I think all excess money should go in the America fund, you sound like you could all do with a break. Yabu.

@PoppyCornCob No, YANBU and I think you and your DH have lost perspective on all you do. You work more hours than your DH, you earn more than your DH, yet you also do all the housework, chores and admin. You also pay for all major expenses (it's not clear whether you both contribute based on your respective salaries or whether you're carrying more of the financial burden as well).

No, YANBU to do something for yourself. Get the tattoo. But you should also talk to your DH about changing the current arrangements so that chores etc are split between you. His job isn't more important or tiring than your multiple jobs.

You aren’t being unreasonable you should be able to treat yourself have some you time but I think you really need to listen to the fact that people are saying omg that is not healthy or good for you, you shouldn’t be driving on that little sleep and it is very very bad for you.

How much is the tattoo?

How much is the tattoo? £350 is different to £3500.

I hate Tats

Yes, I thought that was where it was going as well

Try to avoid getting one then 👍

People are being deliberately obtuse.Basically OP works her arse off and wants to treat herself to a tattoo out of her own well earned money.
Am certain if she said she wanted to go in a yoga retreat the tone of the replies would be very different!!
Ps am not a tattoo fan but everyone is different.

How on earth are you able to do either of your jobs properly, to say nothing of being a mother (the most demanding job of all) on two hours’ sleep a night? It’s just not possible. Something has to give, and if you’re not careful, it’ll be you, OP. Forget the tattoo: you need to take a long, hard look at your lifestyle, and maybe give up some hours and get some proper sleep.

There's the superficial surface question but then there's the chaos it springs from. People are quite sensibly recognising that this is not a standalone problem.

Just get the tattoo if you want to get it, really don’t see how getting a tattoo would be giving yourself a break though

I'd keep the money and give up one of your jobs. Life's too short to work so many hours.

How do you function on so little sleep?

Having a tattoo totally your choice with your money!

How much is the tattoo in the context of the families spending money after bills?

No we're not. Mostly we've answered that providing she's not depriving the family of money they need or refusing to contribute to a shared savings goal she committed to, do what she wants with her money.

But the tattoo isn't the real problem here and we can all see that.

She works her arse off but their priorities are bonkers.

Kid in nursery all week, eating microwave meals, barely sleeping, unbalanced share of the load at home, running herself ragged in 2 jobs - yet going to spend thousands on a holiday.

Would make far more sense to do less hours and try to enjoy life day to day a bit more.

😂😂😂

What on earth do you work as?

I cannot imagine any employer would be happy to know you you are stanking 2 jobs and childcare and only sleep 2 hours, you could make silly but serious mistakes. You surely cannot be in charge or any machinery or in any position of power over others.

As someone else said I hope you do not drive. Its utterly ridiculous and unnecessary (especially if you have 2 people working) to work like that, it makes you a danger to others and is not sustainable (even manic people burn out often with horrible consequences).

This!!