DH upset that I'm getting a tattoo

[PoppyCornCob]

So to put into perspective, I'm not only the breadwinner in the family but I'm also the one who does all the "traditional" things that wives do at home apart from the cooking because I suck at it. I only take on that role when my DH isn't at home.

I work 50+ hours a week, 5 full time night shifts on top of doing 2 part time HK jobs during the day (2 days at a hotel and another 2 days with the agency). I don't work weekends because I look after our DS and the house while DH is at work. DH is a chef and works 40-45hrs each week. When he gets home, he looks after our son and cooks but that is generally it. Very rarely does he tidy up/clean the house, does the chores, feed the cat, and do admin. I do all of that. When asked, he says he will do it but always prolongs things hence I do it in the end (then he gets annoyed that I didn't let him do it).

We have separate bank accounts. All the big bills comes out of my pocket and the smaller bills comes out of his. At the moment, we are saving up for a trip to America but I have also been setting money aside for a tattoo session to treat myself for working my ass off. When I told him about it, he got very annoyed and he said that he himself would like to get a tattoo but he isn't doing so because we are saving up for the trip to America.

I told him that I'm using my own personal money for this tattoo because quite frankly, it's deserve a break. However, i offered to give him my tattoo money to get his done but he said don't bother. I don't intend to cancel my tattoo session because my DH has gotten annoyed with me but is it unreasonable of me to not take a break? I'm purely running on adrenaline every week and im super exhausted each time I get home. Like, is it wrong for me to get this tattoo for myself?

It makes perfect sense. I start my week on a Monday doing my day job at 7am and finish at 3pm. I pick up son at nursery, get home, wack something in the microwave for us to eat, DH gets home at 6pm, I sleep for an 2 hours before doing my evening job at 9pm and finish the next day at 6am. Then rinse and repeat at 7am the next day.

Yeah.... No. Absolutely nobody works 18 hours a day 5 days a week whilst looking after a small child in between 😂

You only sleep for two hours a day during the week? I honestly don't understand how you survive? Do you take speed? Are you healthy?
That is just mind boggling.

I don't think anyone that sleep deprived would be able to make the best decisions on what tattoo they are going to get. You should get one of a bed on your forehead, that way you won't forget what one looks like when you look in the mirror!

Being the breadwinner and doing 80% of domestic labour makes ZERO sense to me.

I hope you batch cook at the weekend and that’s what you’re whacking in the microwave!

Otherwise YABU!

So you sleep 3 hours a day?

There are a lot more problems in this marriage than a tattoo.

I can understand the irritation. AS is typical of MN OP has posted for advice on one thing and has ended up getting a pile on for something completely different. Margaret Thatcher famously had less than four hours sleep per night and she was much busier than OP.

You both work full time - albeit you seem to be surviving on 2 hours sleep a day (total madness!).

Do you both have access to free time and personal spending money?

Domestic labour aside (this is a separate issue but sounds like it does need addressing). I'd be pretty pissed off if my husband chose to work every hour he could, leaving me home looking after the kids, but then I had no access to personal spending money and he did.

That doesn't seem to be quite the case here as presumably child is asleep most of the time your husband is responsible, and you're not unreasonable to want to spend some money on yourself. But it's impossible to tell if you're being unreasonable unless we know if you both have access to money for personal spending. I don't mean you offering to pay for a tattoo. I mean your own money and own decisions about what to spend it on.

Is it possible the OP is doing a job where she is a sleep in night carer? ie could need to be awake during the night but otherwise can sleep while the residents are? Just a possibility?

OP has already said she doesn’t cook - her DH is a chef. So that would be down to him wouldn’t it - seemingly he does sod all else around the house.

Only those who regret theirs I guess. Won't be everyone.

Weird comment.

My DiL does this. She does four permanent nights as a carer and has a part time day job too. Most nights she manages to sleep in between the needs of he person she cares for and doing a bit of cleaning/tidying up.

Anyway YANBU OP. I'm reading the "break" thing as in a break from the drudge of saving for something joint and enjoying a little treat just for you because it sounds like you work your arse off.

Get your tattoo. Enjoy ☺️

What tattoo did Maggie get?

If OP has given a raft of information, then she’s going to get comments on it?

Did we have to know more than,

I work longer hours, more household chores and I want a tattoo. Working day and night? Necessary? Not unless you want people to know or comment.

Mine was tongue in cheek comment….

This post is almost as mad as the woman drinking 20 cans of fizzy drinks a day.

…and then vanishes and the only way to get it back again is another tattoo. Rinse and repeat.

This is bollocks.

Actually, lots of us do, because we have no choice. I used to work 3 jobs when DS was younger, 2 days a week in one office, 3 days in another office and the 3rd job was working from home every night from about 9pm to 3am and whatever I could squeeze in elsewhere when I had to.

I don’t understand the “your money” situation. If you’re married with kids, isn’t it family money?

You get two hours sleep a day?

Few things;

2 hours sleep isn't enough, you'll burn yourself out / make yourself ill.

If you both have your own spends (after bills, savings etc) then it's up to you how you spend you disposable income.

Your body, your choice re: tattoo.

Your husband sounds like a child having a temper tantrum, ignore.

Would you look for a new job with a better life balance? If every weekend is spent catching up, when do you actually live your life?

I thought you were going to say your DH found them fucking hideous but then I realised he wanted one as well.

Perhaps it is the same poster just running on caffeine 🤔

I think you are working so much your brain is fried!

You only have 3k savings and you want to blow it on a trip to the US? And tattoos???

I think there’s no helping you…

Presumably you weren't doing it so you could go on an expensive holiday.