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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH upset that I'm getting a tattoo

304 replies

PoppyCornCob · 19/05/2025 10:34

So to put into perspective, I'm not only the breadwinner in the family but I'm also the one who does all the "traditional" things that wives do at home apart from the cooking because I suck at it. I only take on that role when my DH isn't at home.

I work 50+ hours a week, 5 full time night shifts on top of doing 2 part time HK jobs during the day (2 days at a hotel and another 2 days with the agency). I don't work weekends because I look after our DS and the house while DH is at work. DH is a chef and works 40-45hrs each week. When he gets home, he looks after our son and cooks but that is generally it. Very rarely does he tidy up/clean the house, does the chores, feed the cat, and do admin. I do all of that. When asked, he says he will do it but always prolongs things hence I do it in the end (then he gets annoyed that I didn't let him do it).

We have separate bank accounts. All the big bills comes out of my pocket and the smaller bills comes out of his. At the moment, we are saving up for a trip to America but I have also been setting money aside for a tattoo session to treat myself for working my ass off. When I told him about it, he got very annoyed and he said that he himself would like to get a tattoo but he isn't doing so because we are saving up for the trip to America.

I told him that I'm using my own personal money for this tattoo because quite frankly, it's deserve a break. However, i offered to give him my tattoo money to get his done but he said don't bother. I don't intend to cancel my tattoo session because my DH has gotten annoyed with me but is it unreasonable of me to not take a break? I'm purely running on adrenaline every week and im super exhausted each time I get home. Like, is it wrong for me to get this tattoo for myself?

OP posts:
Noshadelamp · 19/05/2025 11:41

If you'd said you wanted to get your hair done (colour, restyle etc) would your husband's reaction be the same?

Is it really about the money? Is it that he's jealous you're making plans for yourself or getting the tattoo before he is?

My exdh said he wanted a tattoo for ten years, then complained when I went and got one before him. He still doesn't have one!

vodkaredbullgirl · 19/05/2025 11:41

Get a tat after you been to US.

TasWair · 19/05/2025 11:42

2 hours sleep?!
This is the most insane thing I've ever read on here. OP, sleep deprivation is catastrophic for your health and particularly your brain.

vodkaredbullgirl · 19/05/2025 11:42

Chiseltip · 19/05/2025 11:41

No you don't.

Nobody functions on two hours sleep, let alone on a daily basis. Your post is a load of nonsense OP.

That's the lack of sleep 😂

thetrumanshow · 19/05/2025 11:42

Unless "working" means snoozing all night instead of doing what you are paid to do, that's a possibility.

PoppyCornCob · 19/05/2025 11:42

We have 3k in savings. Aiming for 5k-6k to last us the 2 weeks we are planning to be there. Still need to book the flight and accommodation.

OP posts:
Pandasandlions · 19/05/2025 11:43

PoppyCornCob · 19/05/2025 11:42

We have 3k in savings. Aiming for 5k-6k to last us the 2 weeks we are planning to be there. Still need to book the flight and accommodation.

Edited

Are these all your savings or just the holiday fund? If that is all you have, I think planning a holiday in the US is madness!

Zebedee999 · 19/05/2025 11:44

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Bluevelvetsofa · 19/05/2025 11:45

Why not save for the holiday now and have the tattoo after you’ve been?

mrsmiggins78 · 19/05/2025 11:45

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run for your life

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 19/05/2025 11:45

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WTAF? 😂

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 19/05/2025 11:45

Cakeandcheeseforever · 19/05/2025 11:35

@paranoiaofpufflings I did that for over a year with both my babies (not out of choice but because they wouldn't bloody sleep) and can confirm it is possible, since I stayed alive (though with a permanent headache)

We've all had extended periods of kids not sleeping.

Completely different scenario when OP is choosing to do this and work what sounds like two full time jobs as well as parent a child and run the household.

It is not sustainable and it is madness.

Hadjab · 19/05/2025 11:45

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Stupid comment

SpotlessLeopard · 19/05/2025 11:45

I don't believe you can genuinely be sleeping for just 2 hours Monday to Friday, no one can consistently do this and continue to function long term.
I think you'd be best off scaling back your hours rather than saving for trips to America and tattoos. Yes you do need a rest if this is for real but a tattoo is not a rest!

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 19/05/2025 11:46

PoppyCornCob · 19/05/2025 11:42

We have 3k in savings. Aiming for 5k-6k to last us the 2 weeks we are planning to be there. Still need to book the flight and accommodation.

Edited

So you're halfway towards a shared goal and wondering if it's unreasonable of you to take a break from saving for that to spend some money on just you?

TSMWEL · 19/05/2025 11:47

PoppyCornCob · 19/05/2025 11:19

And to clarify, we both work full time but i earn the most out of the two of us.

You don’t work full time, you work ALL the time. He works full time.

Yanbu to want a tattoo, but your work/life balance split needs looking at.

Lourdes12 · 19/05/2025 11:47

You need sleep not a tattoo

Ilikecats86 · 19/05/2025 11:48

To answer your question, yes it sounds unreasonable of your husband.

As an aside, you will make yourself ill with that type of work schedule.

gerul · 19/05/2025 11:49

This is bonkers. Give up one job and get some sleep. I don't think your budget is enough for a trip to the US for two weeks, though depends where you're going.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 19/05/2025 11:51

Chiseltip · 19/05/2025 11:41

No you don't.

Nobody functions on two hours sleep, let alone on a daily basis. Your post is a load of nonsense OP.

This. ^

PurpleThistle7 · 19/05/2025 11:51

I have no idea why you're prioritising a trip to the states. Or a tattoo. And I'm doing both this year (but I'm American so we are visiting our parents). I also love tattoos and have no intention of this being my last one but I can afford it without driving myself insane.

Perimenopause is causing crazy sleeping for me so I'm regularly getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night but I would not at all recommend it and it is never my goal. It's genuinely dangerous.

pinkyredrose · 19/05/2025 11:51

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Oh grow up.

Rosscameasdoody · 19/05/2025 11:52

Starseeking · 19/05/2025 11:12

How are you the breadwinner when your DH works up to 45 hours a week as a chef? Does he not get paid, or is he doing the work on a voluntary basis?

I think OP means she’s the major earner.

TonTonMacoute · 19/05/2025 11:53

YABU for getting a tattoo, they are so démodé! Isn't everyone having them removed these days?

TooGoodToGoto · 19/05/2025 11:54

I suppose having a tattoo will give you the much needed rest of about an hour and enhance and improve your life a lot.

🤦‍♀️