DH told me not to make plans so I didn’t then he did and wondered why I was annoyed

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DH and I have had a busy weekend, he explicitly said that he wanted Sunday free then announced that our friends were “passing” so would be “popping” in at 4pm, I wasn’t too happy but thought they’d be gone by 6pm and we could then settle down and chill watching TV for the evening. He then says “oh they say it’ll be 5pm” which got my back up a little and we exchanged words, then suddenly it was going to be 5.30pm and I confess I lost my temper a little, we argued and in the end he messaged them telling them not to come round and then proceeded to tell me what an awful person I am for not wanting to see our “friends”.
I disagree, I took it on the chin when they were coming at 4pm, I even accepted 5pm even though I thought it was rude to be a hour late but 5.30pm was the straw that broke the camels back. HE was the one who said he wanted the day kept free, HE said they could come without consulting me and HE then put them off coming. I apologised for losing my temper and he refused to accept it and is now giving me the silent treatment. So AIBU?

With you OP. YANBU. When DH has stopped sulking you need to come to an agreement that going forward he needs to check with you before committing you to visits from others.

If you arrange to visit someone in advance, you realise you are not an "unexpected" guest, don't you? Turning up unannounced is very rude, but this is not the case here is it.

Yes, most normal people are happy to have friends popping by when they happen to be at home doing nothing.

How much hosting does serving a few drink and a few nibbles is actually involved? Don't you eat yourself anyway?

Friends come to pick up their kids and end up staying for diner, it's quite a common scenario too.

If anything, the OP was more in this position to start with than her husband was, since she was told that she didn't have permission to make any plans.
In practice it would be very difficult to live with someone who didn't think you had a right to have input when inviting someone into the home you share.
Would you really be OK with sitting in your living room having planned a quiet evening in your pyjamas (or other leisurewear of choice that you perhaps don't leave the house in) and your spouse suddenly walking in with two friends to stay all evening since he doesn't have to ask your permission or inform you?

Be ok with them ‘popping in’ and do nothing. No putting the kettle on, no snacks etc. look after yourself and as the evening drags on suggest they order a takeaway and only pay for your dishes, let your other half deal with it. Good luck, I’d be fuming! 😡

Why on earth have you bothered to put a post on here asking for people’s opinions and then argue with every single one that doesn’t agree with you? If you believe you are in the right, which you obviously do, then why post??? So you can prove to DH you are right? That more people agree with you? Remove guilt for telling friends they aren’t welcome? Ridiculous and both sound rather childish.

Some people don’t enjoy hosting and it’s completely ok if you’re one of those people. Having them go home first and then plan to come back all evening when you’ve been planning to just relax and presumably weren’t expecting or ready for guests would stress me out too. Does your husband actually do any of the hosting or expect you to do it all? Easy for him to be chill if he doesn’t do much.

Yes, most normal people are happy to have friends popping by when they happen to be at home doing nothing.

@thetrumanshow are you sure about that? Don't most normal people prefer that visitors phone first?

Sounds like you've done household jobs like walking the dogs and he hasn't. Was he going to get stuff ready to welcome them or was that your job too? Doesn't have to be a full deep clean and home cooked meal but it sounds like some work was expected

are you just picking up a random sentence and ignoring the rest of the paragraph/ thread to reply,

Or are you on wind-up? I honestly can't figure it out.

Ah who cares, you got what you wanted so be happy for that and I suggest you enjoy the days ahead. If the alternative happened and they came at 6pm and stayed until midnight, you have the right to be fuming.
in this case, just forget about it :)

God I totally agree, it's utterly tiresome isn't it?
I find that the more considerate, thoughtful and sensible answers start to come through on the second page. But you very often have to wade through a load of spiteful nonsense first

Op great on you for having boundaries! I call this moving the goalposts. Having quiet day at home changes into friends popping by 4 pm changes to 530. Jesus I would expect a pop by guest to be gone by 530 not arriving. And the friends are rude too to keep changing the time unless DH the worlds most laidback host and bestest friend ever is leading them on with….come anytime OP and I will be here all day. There are some really harsh comments on here and this seems to be happening on every single thread I read. Pop over to the “ bank worker” thread and witness the beat down she got. I had a similar conversation with my DH on Sunday about hosting next sunday I said no and it wasn’t met with mutually shared respect and appreciation but rather a “ I may host anyways” response. Well my very DDH can’t host shit by himself. He has never hosted by himself and he isn’t doing it next week either. And I as a MN I don’t buy UPFs so I want to know what nibbles and drinks people have on standby and I’m surely not paying for a take away. You were reasonable to say no and maybe DH and his friends need a good think about making plans without asking and then changing the time x 3 as if op hasn’t a care in the world and is always available and willing to be uber flexible

I would be happy with that, mates drop around sometimes. But that’s not what happened anyway. He let her know so she had the option to go upstairs or make sure she wasn’t in her PJs.

I wouldn’t have wanted them calling in either but I’m sure I’d have got in the swing of it. The silent treatment is a different matter though. That’s a form of bullying

This is why we don't have any friends! 😂

Sunday Nights are sacred before the start of the working week.

I wasn’t asking because of the OP’s situation, I was asking because of how you said you prefer to handle friends coming round and that you would feel a loss of autonomy in having to inform a partner of your plans. No wrong or right of course, if both people have the same preference that must work.
We are very friendly with a number of neighbours so have friends in and out without notice multiple times a week, but we both appreciate a heads-up even if it’s only 3 minutes in advance.

Sacred for what?

Everyone has their own idea on what constitutes an ideal evening. The idea of staying home alone watching tv is a very depressing one for many people.

Maybe I should have said I wouldn’t want to ask for permission not that I would object to informing someone. I understand everyone is different about this kind of thing. I personally wouldn’t want to live with someone that had the attitude that many people on this thread have but they wouldn’t want to live with me either.

You’re right, this was my first time in MN and I think it’ll be my last, people like you who like to throw out unkind and judgmental comments are not the sort of people I would have anything to do with so thank you for that! Hopefully you feel very pleased with yourself.

Maybe your so called friends now feel the same about you 🤷🏻‍♀️

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The OP is fed up because the DH is sulking about it.

Having lied to her about how long they were staying, what time they were coming, etc... yes effectively that was sabotaging (if that's what you want to call it) the Sunday evening she'd planned and was looking forward to after a very busy weekend. He created that expectation when he instructed her to keep the day free.

I can’t work out whether half the posters on this thread have had a massive comprehension fail or are wilfully ignoring the fact that it was OP’s partner who asked her not to make any plans. He supposedly wanted a chill out day too - it was HIS suggestion.

Why are certain people now desperate to cast OP in the role of the unsociable old meanie who has ruined her partner’s plan for a “drop by any time, the more the merrier” evening? HE is the one who threw a strop and cancelled because OP dared to express frustration at the delay, when she’d never really wanted visitors in the first place!

Yeah, I can see that now. I guess I was taking it that it was more an innocent misunderstanding around when the mates were coming. But if he's being an arsehole then she's every right to be annoyed.